I'm 38 & my husband is 31. We met 4 yrs ago & he lied to me about his age for a year. We were in love& moved in together. We got pregnant & miscarried. From that point on tried to conceive but no luck. I was upset that he had not proposed but would get me pregnant. Since I was older, I gave him a time limit. He proposed & we married the next year. He always was going out to night clubs & it bothered me. I figured he would grow out of it. We struggled to have a baby - something he pushed & went through infertility treatments for a year. It ruined our sex life. In the end & to our surprise we conceived. The pregnancy was difficult physically & my H made it worse. His behavior totally changed. He was not supportive. He didn't show a lot of interest in the baby. He was critical all the time. He had lots of angry outbursts. In the end of my 8th month in a high risk pregnancy, he went to Florida for a bachelor party.I left him & stayed at my Moms. That pretty much destroyed me. I had the baby the day after he returned. He came to the hospital & I agreed to give it a shot for her sake. His behavior still continued to be erratic. During the pregancy I had discovered her cell phone number on his bill quite often & called it. I got her machine. He made up a story about how he was seeing a counselor for a food addiction. It was all very convincing. He also had been delving into porn & this made me very upset. He never did this before & I thought he was being extremely insensitive to a woman who was pregnant. A month ago (4 months after the baby was born)I found he ordered a porn dvd & went looking for it. To my surprise I found pictures of him with another woman & a card to her. She was a much older woman! 48 in fact & not very attractive. I was devastated. I called her & we spoke. He had lied to her & said I was his ex. He said he wasn't living here & she had no idea about the baby. The affair started before we got pregnant & was off & on for almost a year. I threw him out. He was crying & said he loved me. He wanted us to stay together. His mother & father begged me to stay with him. Of course she dumped him. I agreed to try. We started marriage counseling but our counselor was terrible. On our first visit, all he did was complain about me. I was in tears & she let him go at me. On the second visit she forgot she even met him. Not a good sign. Its been a month & he is starting to go back to his old attitude. The sting of his affair has worn off. He is less sensitive to me. He is helping out at home & is home but sometimes he goes out for too long & I can't reach him. I know I'm overreacting. He's not supportive. I'm having such a hard time dealing with images, the loss of feeling special & the thought of the whole thing. But on top of it, his lack of support-his insensitivity is making it worse. It seems as if he just doesn't want to deal with it anymore. I can't tell if I'm staying married because of the embarassment of divorce after 2 years, for my new baby, to avoid the pain of splitting up all our assests & selling our house, the fear of being alone or because I love him. How do I figure this out? How do I wake up everyday & not feel depressed? When does it get easier?

Hi Diana,

I'm sorry I didn't read this last night. How are you feeling today? I feel for you, you are in a very difficult place. The same thing happened to me when I was pregnant with my first 2 children. I know it's heartbreaking and devastating to say the least. And at a time when it's supposed to be such a happy time in your life. I became a very depressed mother. I know your pain. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> You are with a serial cheater, a porn addict and I don't believe he is going to stop to soon. I'm just being honest with you.

I know it would be the most difficult thing to do in your life, but it may be best to leave for now, or have him leave (that would be best). Are you financially capable of taking care of bills right now? You can apply for assistance if needed until a lawyer helps you through court to get child support, or alimony if it ends in divorce. Do you still have the picture? If you do you will need to submit that to a lawyer too. He needs to know you are serious, and cheating on you is not acceptable, it's betrayal, and the worst hurt you can go through besides a death. Most likely he is doing the same thing when he stays out late, I don't know, but he has a bad, bad pattern. Seek a lawyers advice before doing anything. You need to protect what you do have, and take care of the baby.

I know how difficult it is to think of those things to do right now, but you really have to do it for you and the baby.

Also you may want to make an appt. to see your Dr. Tell him you are depressed, and what husband is doing. He may prescribe you an antidepressant to get you through this time.
And therapy if needed.

I feel so sad for you, but try to be as strong as you can right now for you and the baby. I know it's so hard. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I could just cry for you right now. May God help you, protect you, provide for you. I pray He will intervene on your behalf.

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

What I would suggest is Read, read, read, everything on this site. The Harley's have a WEALTH of information here and it WORKS!!

You are not alone, you can keep coming here to post and other people will answer. The longer you're on here the more you'll realize, that although every situation is unique, the feelings, thoughts, and actions are VERY similar.

I have a husband that has acted VERY much like yours. I too have waited for years waiting for him to grow up. Finally, after his affair this year...and I asked him to leave...I gave him a list of things I needed for him to do to come back home...no contact with the woman, counseling, meidication for depression if needed, honesty and accountability, and more time spent with us. It took him awhile to decidef, and he began changing. I did not let him move back home until he had shown me had he fulfilled every one of the requests. Now things are looking up!!

You may want to copy your story onto the Just Found Out or General Questions boards...there is much more activity there.

Thanks for both of your replies. As you can see it took me a while to get back on this board with going back to work & raising a new baby, dealing with this & it took a little time to figure out how to use the board. I'm still struggling with this issue and did repost it in the just found out section. I reworded some of it because I was very emotional at the time. I have recently found a new counselor & made an appoinment. He is more than willing to go. It doesn't appear that the affair is still going on & his nights out have ceased. I appreciate your support greatly & will try to be on this board more often.
Thanks again!