If there could be a poster child for a failure at Plan B, it would have to be me. It has become a joke actually...as I cannot do a Plan B if my life depended on it. Because of this, I am in a terrible state this morning.

I was working on my 5th Plan B attempt and was one week into it. I was feeling great, the H was coming round (or so I thought he was)in making an attempt to salvage something...and then he comes over to talk about a family emergency. I should have held firm and been strong; instead, I let him back into my life, met an EN of his, and he left, to move back in with OW.

As you can suspect, I feel like a total failure. I have been beating myself up incessantly since yesterday and upon learning he moved back in with OW, have been LBing all over the place. I am the reason for the vacillation on his part; I guess I'm just too scared to let him go...he may never come back. The funny thing is, when I'm in Plan B and don't talk to him, I truly do not even think about it or him coming back. I can kick myself in the rear several times over.

SO now, yesterday was D-Day again, all over again, and again, I put myself in the position of being made a fool. I can only blame myself. I figured out that all the other times, I worked out of fear and made excuses as to why I could not do this or do that to shut him out of my life. I've taken the precautions now. However, for myself, I think it is too late. I think I may have LB'ed myself into not having any feelings any more. At this stage, I do not want a divorce, but I do not want to be married either. Confused as hell, but more or less embarrassed.

I wish I could gain strength from this, but as such a Plan B failure, I do not know if I can.

I thought I was the Queen of PLAN B Failures. That's why your Post got my attention.

I just kept getting back up on the horse. We can't help it. We love our WSes.

I kept trying and am now in Recovery. PLAN B is worth it.

If you have chance read WHAT I LEARNED on GENERAL QUESTIONS. It's dated September 19th. I also have a long thread about my story on GENERAL QUESTIONS.

Hang in there. We do the best we can under these horrible circumstances that we have had to face.

karena,

This is my 2¢. Write down the date/time/how Plan B is busted ?/how do you feel afterward.

Most plan B failure is not b/c you are not strong will person, it is b/c failure at the logistic of Plan B. NC is NC !, completely dark. Only in the event of emergency he could contact you via third party. When we say that contact would bring withdrawal clock to zero again for WS/OW ... it is also true for BS/WS in plan B.

Read everyday your plan B journal before you do anything ... specially your feeling afterward.

-rh-

Karena,

I would just like to say that your situation sounds a lot like the one that I have found myself in. I am on the other side, I am the offending partie if your H is like me he is a complete madman. I was telling a friend the other day about my wife, and as I was talking it hit me like a bullet, bang right between the eyes. She was the most important thing in my life, may be more important in certain ways than my children. She was my guiding light and support for 15 years I had nothing before I met her, she was the one who aloud me to grow. last week I asked her how did my life get so out of control, she simply stated because you don't have me in your life, you know what she was right and I was such a fool that at the time it didn't even occur to me. I turned around and walked out, on a mission to fix a problem that I should of been asking her to help me with. I have been away so long that I no longer can see clearly until after the fact, sometimes when your are looking for something you can never find it. The truth is it's under your nose the whole time. Karena, I hope that you find happiness and love in your life. Trust me your H is a fool and is just blind, I hope that he stops looking and just opens his eyes before it's to late. What he is looking for is right in front of him he just needs a good kick in the butt, next time you see him give him a smack it might clear his head.

Jion,

Your response to Karena caught my attention. You claim to be "on the other side" - I am going to assume this means you are a WS. I really hope that your betrayed wife never finds out that you already realize that her love and support was the underpinning of your life, but aren't prepared to do anything about it. Let me tell you about madness...

I met my husband some nine years ago. He was renting a room in a house shared with three or four other transient individuals. He was working a seasonal customer service job for a mail order catalog that barely paid minimum wage. He was living off of soup and sandwiches and credit cards.

After he lost his seasonal job, he was terrified that he would have to move "back home" with his mother and quit school - and his dreams. I loved him, and feared that if I didn't take action, I would never see him again. He moved in with me shortly before his birthday. I threw him a small birthday party with new friends we had made. I used my connections to get him a job with a local office machine company fixing copiers.

We were married after a brief engagement. We had the youthful and romantic vision of conquering life's challenges together - we were in it together!

Unfortunately, the tables have since turned, and I was the one out of work and down on my luck. Ah...how quickly they forget. Life's twists and turns turned our youthful fighting spirit into bitterness and resentment. We were spinning our wheels - and neither could seem to pull the other out of the proverbial ditch.

My husband has found relief from his frustrations in the arms of another woman. He moved out of our home two months ago, and I haven't seen him since.

The pain is unbearable. It is searing, white hot and heavy. It is the kind of pain that makes you want to run through the streets screaming and tearing your hair out. It is the kind of pain that makes you want to cut your own heart out because it hurts so bad. It is the kind of pain that leaves you breathless and gasping with tight chest. You feel as if you are bleeding to death, but where to put the tourniquet? You fear you will go mad from the pain. You wonder if you could die from heartbreak. As another poster once said, it is the kind of pain that makes you hope Jesus is coming soon.

Am I mad? What is wrong with me? Why do I love this person so much who causes me such intense pain? Why is it I fear I will never again sink my hands in his glorious mane of hair, or bury my face in his strong chest? That I will never again share a good, long laugh with him, the kind that makes your sides ache? That I will never wake up early and watch him sleep, his angelic face snoozing peacefully? That I will never hear his Rick Astley impression again? That he'll never again enjoy my oatmeal raisin cookies?

The pain is so intense, food tastes like cardboard and makes you nauseated. Sleep is fitful and you wake worried if something happens to your beloved - will you know? Will you feel it in your bones?

...And you know what the cure is. You know the right words and the right actions will make all this pain go away. You know the cure will take effort and hard work, but you welcome the respite from the pain - and the hope of a shared future. You're willing to crawl across miles of broken glass on bare hands and knees for the cure...but it's not available. The cure has to come to you, given freely and willingly.

You are fortunate to have come to the realization that your betrayed wife is your true love. The one who gives meaning and substance to your life. If she will consider rebuilding your marriage with you - You should take hold of that chance and never let it go. Do not let self doubt or pity or some ill-advised sense of sparing your wife keep you from her. I can guarantee you, she will gladly take the cure that only you can provide.

<small>[ October 01, 2003, 09:24 AM: Message edited by: *LULU* ]</small>

Karena,This is new to me to be writing on marriage builders. This has been a spectators sport for me. I just read,but today I had to register becuse you are probably the first in a long time who is giving up. I was a WS at one time and if my W gave up I would not or should I say we would not be were we are today. She got me hooked on MB although I just read, today I want to get involved. Keep your chin up, it's never to late when he comes to some one you love and your persistance tells me you will love this man until the end of time. I also read LULU and she has all the heart in the world. I devastated my wife the same was 2 years ago and I can't say I am sorry enough. Give him a chance to come back and make amends you won't be sorry. LuLu you hang in there your time will come, when he realizes everything and all the sacrifices you made for him he will come around, people like you or should I say wives like you are few and far in between.

Jion 35, If you read Karena's post you'll know that I am new at this. Listen up I was in your spot 2 years ago, Like I told Karena and LULU it's never to late,you can't shut love off, you may get detoured a little but you can get that back and more. In matter of fact it is better the second time around we gained more respect for each other, we learned how to talk to each other. If your wife helped you get to where you are today it is love that is the driving force.CArds,flowers a nice dinner and I love you! helps make things better. I can't imagine going thru life without my better half she is my soul and my inspiration. If you give up now you will have regrets the rest of your life man. Put your pride in your pocket and go to your wife, ask he forgive ness . Pride keeps people from one another not hate.If you made a mistake and she is willing to forgive you, run to her, hold her and tell her what she means to you.Your best friend may be a little angry now but will never leave you in a time of need.Your problems are her problems and I bet when you asked her help she didn't turn her back on you. Man what are you waiting for a brick house to fall on you. Maybe some one should slap you upside your head. Well enough for now go for it man. Put that pride in your pocket.

<small>[ October 09, 2003, 08:13 AM: Message edited by: Vettech ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I would just like to say that your situation sounds a lot like the one that I have found myself in. I am on the other side, I am the offending partie if your H is like me he is a complete madman. I was telling a friend the other day about my wife, and as I was talking it hit me like a bullet, bang right between the eyes. She was the most important thing in my life, may be more important in certain ways than my children. She was my guiding light and support for 15 years I had nothing before I met her, she was the one who aloud me to grow. last week I asked her how did my life get so out of control, she simply stated because you don't have me in your life, you know what she was right and I was such a fool that at the time it didn't even occur to me. I turned around and walked out, on a mission to fix a problem that I should of been asking her to help me with.... What he is looking for is right in front of him he just needs a good kick in the butt, next time you see him give him a smack it might clear his head. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So, is your affair still going on? See, if your W is the most important thing in your life, it wouldn't be, because the affair hurts her. If your affair isn't completely over and steps taken to prevent further contact; then, your W isn't the most important thing. There is still something you are putting ahead of her.