Through some sneaky method i got OW handphone no.
I in the process of finding out her residential and her place of work...again through sneaky methods.
You guys...tell me if this is wrong! Also tell me if i approached her and talk to her...whatever...will it help me marriage. I think i can scare her off if i wanted to...Please please...tell me what to do...

zizzycool,

Snooping is a must ... specially if WS didn't want to say anything. Know thy enemy befor you battle them.

Find out if OW is M or not then come back here.

-rh-

I am virtually in the same boat except it is in regards to an OM which is married... Does one approach the OM's spouse??? Doesn't she have the right to know also?

Morally yes, the other spouses have a right to know but you must temper it with how they will respond which varies and is often unknown up until the deed is done. So it is a risk.

Weigh out your risks. Can it be done via a 3rd party? Write it down, run it past a 3rd party (IC, good support group, even here, etc.). Then decide. You may want to make sure you have proof. Often what is real proof to the BS is not to others who are not touched with this pain like we are.

Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart.....this is vital before making these types of decisions.

JMHO,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ExtremelyLostandEmpty:
<strong>I am virtually in the same boat except it is in regards to an OM which is married... Does one approach the OM's spouse??? Doesn't she have the right to know also?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">EL&E, is this past d-day ?. I mean did you confront your SO and A is confirmed ?. If it is post d-day and WS still in a deep fog ... I would bring A into the day light. Open up to the close families & freinds that would put pressure on A. Then you should gather evident that you could use to tell OMW ... then make the call.

A is based on secrecy otherwise it is a R. If WS don't stop and not willing to work on M, bring A out in the open and see if A would survive.

Having say this, you should also focus on yourself. You have to work on plan A at the same time.

What is your profile ?

-rh-

D-day was 3 weeks ago 9/6/03.

Was in Plan A since April...Now in Plan B.

Found a letters from SO. One to Me one to OM.

Mine was... what can I say...ugly... it focused mainly on my faults.

OM was... how he was one of the most influencial people she has met. How she loved him.... But, it also said that she did not want a relationship that she had to hide.

The one to me I understood, the one to OM was like a knife to the heart. Not stabbing once, but many times.

I moved out. Three weeks into it and it still hurts. One minute I am mad, the next sad, the next who knows... What breaks me down is our two D's.... They are taking it very very hard...

The OM is married. I have a phone number, but don't know if I have what it takes to call OMW. Don't know what I would say...

Help...

ELE -

I didn't think I could make it through a phone call to OWH so I wrote a letter. Told him that although what I was about to tell him would cause him pain, the reason I was writing was to save my marriage by exposing my H's and his W's A. I listed the facts that I had (time span, places they met) and told him to contact me by email or phone to confirm that he received the letter. I said that if I didn't hear from him in a few days, that I would attempt to call (in case OW intercepted the letter-wanted her to know I wasn't going to give up).

The OWH called me and was very, very thankful. He suspected something was going on but OW wouldn't admit it nor could he confirm. It was driving him crazy. Chances may be that the OMW in your situation may be going crazy wondering also...

I wish you the best of luck.

EL&E,
With 2 D you should not moved out !. You will loose custody, you will only get probably alternate weekend only !. If you move out you should take them with you.

Could you control yourself ?. Have you call OM ?, not to confront but to ask what his intention is w/ your W.

I would not contact OMW at this time. Why ? b/c she said But, it also said that she did not want a relationship that she had to hide. Wait and let OM LB'ed to your WS and most likely WS would call OMW herself !.

Actually her letter to you might be a plan A material. If her complaint is consistent w/ her complaint way before D-day then most likely it is legit and you need to fix it.

-rh-

<small>[ September 28, 2003, 10:12 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

Plan A in motion

Last night i found OW number on his HP...this is after he declared having not spoken to her or in contact for 5 days. He lied.

I wanted to contact the OW...i'd probably be able to threatened her and may even scare her away but i don't think this will make my marriage work. The problem is with my husband. He is the one addicted to her and he is the one who has to stop this.

So early this morning...i told him to go with 3 condition if he wants to reconcile...

1. He must tell me her place of work
2. He must call her in front of me and end the affair, contact...etc etc
3 We go for counselling.

Should i have asked for more? I don't know...tonight will be my first night with Plan B...it is going to be agonising...

For more information about myself...i am actually living in Sabah, Malaysia...my culture here is much more conservative than it is in US. I think i can threatened OW...she is young only 26 years and still staying with her parents...

You guys are great...for just being there...

zizzycool,

You should ask #4 For him to be accountable for his time/money to you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">For more information about myself...i am actually living in Sabah, Malaysia...my culture here is much more conservative than it is in US. I think i can threatened OW...she is young only 26 years and still staying with her parents...[/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Telepone ibu/bapak OW !. LOL !. Saya dari Indonesia <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> , tingal di USA. OW's parent would help you to keep her away. Yes, OW is not the problem in M but OW is the problem for your recovery !. OW/WS has to be separated to give a chance for your M.

-rh-

This really isn't my post...

zizzycool> I am truly sorry to tread within your post...

redhat> I had a written agreement for custody of our 2 D; signed and dated by myself and S. After hearing and reading horror stories, I would not have moved out without the paper and after I had spoken with my attorney.

I will try and post more under my own thread.

Once again... I appologize.

ZC,

What do you think about sending a letter to her parents?

L.

ELE...u can write anything in here...we are all in the same boat...one way or another...we are all hurting so write whatever you want...

Red...kau dari indonesia kah?...i am very surprise! then u do understand the culture here...

Writing to the parents is not a problem...like i said...getting to OW and make a threat etc etc...i am very sure it will work but the problem is not with her at the moment. It is my husband...he is totally completely lost to me...