My wife has no hope that she can regain the love that she has lost for me. I have read countless books that tell me that many people begin the healing process w/o hope. I am urging my wife to try even though she has no hope, in the hopes that she can find it. Am I wrong to ask her to do this? We have counseling on Wedneday and we are going to talk about it then. I need all the ammunition I can get before going in there.

Neb, you need to give more info about your situation. Did you or your W have an affair? If so, is it over? How long have you been married?

I am new here, so I'm DEFINITELY no expert! The good thing I see is that you have a counseling session set. Was it her idea or yours? Do you have children? Give us the low-down, man.

The advice that I have gained from this site is read, READ, READ!!!! I have been reading constantly since D-Day (9/02). I have also been praying constantly! That is immensely beneficial as well. Read this site and from your situation you can decide which books you need to read also. Have faith!

Here is the background info I sent in another email:
My wife and I have been together for 12 years and married for 5. Apparently she fell out of love for me even before we got married, but we are such good friends and have such a wonderful relationship aside from that, that she though it would be enough. Wrong. She has been having an affair for the last two months! I found out a month ago and we are in counseling, but she has not cut things off with him completely. She says that she loves him and that she has not felt the love for me for years. She has no hope that she can love me again. Does anyone know how i can convince her or help to realize that love can be re-built? If she had some hope she might be motivated to try. For now, she is not sure what to do, but I believe she is heading his way...not mine. Please give me any pointers/ideas you might have.

My question remains: Is it possible for her to start the process w/o hope? Some say she has to want it...others say wanting it can come after trying w/o hope. What do you think?

Thanks

Neb,

I am not going to give you any advice because I am new here myself. I think you should move your thread over to just found out .. they have alot of good people giving advice over there. I have and haven't been listening to some of it .. I've just been trying what my head told me too. Which is the wrong way to go. Your situstion sounds real close to mine, With small differences.
My wife said she doesn't love me then I found out she had an affair and now wants a divorce.. all within the last two and half weeks. Good luck, try and get gib, TMCM, or cerri's attention. L&C

Neb,

Please read How A started and how A should end to gain insight about itself. A happened b/c WS failed to put up guard and let third party to fillin ENs.

At this point your WS has no room for you since there is OM. Your WS will try anything to justify her actions, including discouraging you to try !. It would make her actions easier !.

What to do to put hope ?. Have faith in in your M !. Learn as much as possible about MB. Harley makes money from his theory of romantic love could be created if one willing to do it and the other lets it. You have come to the right place.

Sit back and really think what do you want ?. If you want M then get ready to ride the 'coaster of your life. Start with plan A ... Have you read SAA/HNHN ?. Could you afford conseling with MB ?

God Blesses you, -rh-