I need help again. I don't post too much here but I read a lot. So I will explain. I have been married over 16 years and have kids. My husband was caught having an affair about almost 2 years ago. Each time he tells me it is over I believe him. Each time I die a little more. This time has been about 4 months. He is a good liar. I called his work today and she answered the phone. She laughed as my trembling voice asked for him. That killed me. However, I spoke with him and he told me there will be times we work together. I beg to differ. There should be no instances where they are even around eachother for her to be answering his phone. I feel deep down insde he is still having some sort of relationship with her be it physical or emotional. He is still cheating! He wont't stop. When do I call it quits. He is a liar. I want so much to believe him. But when does my naiveness go away? When does it ever go away for me to stand up for myself. Individual Counseling isn't working for me.

I think you are giving him to many chances. It is time for you to go to plan B. As long as he lies to you, can be sure he is still cheating. You can't trust him, you need to c ut all ties with him, how long are you willing to take this abuse, and that's what this is mental abuse. There is no exuse, he'll never break his ties with her as long as he has contact, so do yourself a favor and cut him out. Good luck and God Bless.

I agree with Rainman - it's time to stop coddling him. Don't forget to notify her H, if she is married. They should both be held accountable. We are praying for you. Gob bless!

I think before you jump in to plan B, could you elaboate a little and specify if you have tried any plan A? Is he willing to make sacrifices to make your marriage work or is it all fluff to make you feel bettwe for the moment. If he is simply tryingto appease you then I think plan B might be the answer. If he seems sincere then, then prime requirement 1 is that he seperates from her, EVEN IF THAT MEANS A NEW JOB IS NECESSARY. I know it's hard in most situations to accomplish, but if he truely wants to make it work for you he'll do it. If leaving my job were going to save my marriage I'd resign today, hands down.

I'm in plan A w/ my WW right now, she still works with the OM and sees him almost daily. While I beleive her that she is not dating/seeing him anymore I do see the ramifications of her seeing him day in and day out, it tears at her. She wants to leave her job but her mother (long story of VERY controlling mother) won't let her.

I think in your case that he is getting the best of both worlds right now and is playing it up. I know how difficult it can be to seperate, I did it for 2 months and it consumed me and emotionally ravaged me. But now she knows what she was missing and we are on the road to recovery, we have good days and bad but until the other is willing to try you're paying for it emotionally.

Just remember to be civil and nice, don't give him a reason to hate you. My WW's OM was trying constantly to make my WW dislike me but I didn't give her or him the chance, ultimately it worked out. I hope yours does the same, no one deserves the suffering and pain you feel, I know I've been there, I'm still there.

TS

i have tried plan A i think staring last year in June. He has told me it was over and that he made his decision to stay with me. The a few months later...There he is again still having an affair. So he ends it again so I think. I found out about 2 more months after that. He said it was over again. I always think and hope that it is truly over but it isn't. I called her many times she only verifys. Again he said he ended it. Two months later I allow him to go to an event without me only to find out he was with her. He says it is over this time. It had been about 3 months. I call his work and low and behold she answers his phone. What the H#LL kind of No Contact is this. How can I ever begin to recover. 1.5 Years in plan A. But like I said I feel at this point if he is still here he must really love me. No? I can't let him go. I don't want her to win. I don't want to look stupid. I can't tell my parents. I can't tell my children. I am so lost. My self esteem has gone to the sh!!!tter. Plan B scares me. What will happen if I never Plan B? Help me please.

What will happen if I never Plan B?
You're living it.

Until YOU do something differently, everything will continue on as it has been.

Why would anything change if you never do anything different?

Read the links below.

Wow do I ever relate to your story...it's my life! I have given my husband countless chances to end his A...each time he claims he did, and his behavior would indicate it was true. But it always started up again. I finally came to the conclusion that plan B was the only way - so he can realize what a life without me will be like. I just pray that it opens his eyes FINALLY. I'm in my first full day of plan B - it sucks.

Plan B is not for the faint hearted. It is probably one of the toughest things to do. And a million things go through your mind.

I did Plan B for a month. My advice is to keep yourself preoccupied as much as possible. Start doing things you enjoy or haven't done in a while. Better yourself in all aspects, especially those areas you've come to realize you may have let slide. Be strong, stand firm.

Don't forget, Plan B can also backfire but it's better to find out sooner then later.