Comments on what can be improved or left out would be highly appreciated...

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Dear H

I hope you’ll read this letter and the two pages from the diary I wrote while you were travelling through Spain. I missed you so much and by sending you these pages I want you to get a picture of why I felt so much pain when I discovered the truth about your journey. Maybe you’ll be able to understand why I didn’t want to separate from you when you came home.
It is important to me that you know some of my feelings and thoughts at that time.
Please read them and this letter!
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Once again I would like to acknowledge and apologize for my share of what tempted you to have an affair. Sometimes I didn’t respond to your needs, and many times I failed at showing you the deep love and respect I felt for you – instead of talking to you about our emotions, I distanced myself from you. I regret that.
All my life I was always afraid that the people I loved the most should leave me or die… I was not aware that I pushed my loved ones away from me – to protect myself from being hurt when they died or left me – it’s hard to explain… I don’t fully understand why I acted that way, but through therapy I’m finding the answers I should have tried to find a long time ago, in order to feel better and be true to my soul.
When you left for Spain I decided that I would work on my fear and become more whole as a person… but that’s history now.
For a long time I had a great deal of my attention focused on S - I am truly sorry that this from time to time took my focus away from the importance of spending leisure time with you and nurturing our relationship as sweethearts.
Of course I should have said yes when we got the opportunity to move to the flat in march.
I am proud to say that I now am the person I and you always wanted me to be.
As I have told you before I am willing to do what it takes for you and I to recreate our family and renew our love and respect for each other - that we could be true lovers and equal partners who would support each other and have an unbreakable friendship.
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The step I now must take has been in my thoughts for some time – it’s not one of choice but one of necessity – purely to protect and preserve the feelings I still have for you. It hurts every time I see you when I know you live with another woman. It affects my mood – every time I have met you or spoken with you on the phone I feel pain and sadness because I miss you so much.
I hope you understand that I don’t want to destroy anything, but that I must do this to heal and protect myself.
From now on I do not wish to meet you or speak with you.
When it is absolutely necessary we have contact I want it to be by mail or Email.
In emergency situations related to S. let’s use the phone.

I ask you to respect my wish to be separated from you this way.

If at some point you end your relationship with OW, and if you want to wholeheartedly wish for you and I to try and create a loving and truly different future together, I would be very happy to meet you and speak with you again.
Now I must move on making life wonderful for S and me.

I love you deeply.
I will never forget what a fantastic man you were.
I am confident that you will continue to be good father for S.

Take care my love…

---Danish

Danish,

Chere, Plan B letters are written a certain way for a purpose. Yours doesn't follow those quidelines. You've always done things your own way LOL....so I don't want discourage you...but sending along sentimental things like diary pages will weaken the effectiveness of this. It is not meant to be overly emotional or sentimental while the the WS is involved in an active affair. They aren't receptive to that sort of thing while they are in the fog. Yes, it includes the fact you love him, and that the door is open....but the rest is very business like and logical/rational. It's that way for a reason. I'm going to give you the PBL guide again and I'm hoping you'll follow it a bit more closely. hugs.

Things that need to be in a PBL

• I love you.
• I married you for life. I want to stay married to you
• I am willing to do what it takes to be the spouse you've always wanted and to address the things I did wrong in the marriage.
• The affair/neglect/abuse is so painful for me that it will destroy the love I have for you. In order to protect those feelings I must end all contact with you.
• As soon as the affair/neglect/abuse is over I would love to talk with you about our future.
• Until that time please respect my wish for no contact whatsoever
• In an emergency you can reach me through______.
• Arrangements for seeing children and handling finances are_____.

Listen to star's recommendations.

Now I must move on making life wonderful for S and me.
Leave this out. It says you are not coming back to the marriage (moving on).

I will never forget what a fantastic man you were.
Again, leave this out. (I won't forget what you were you were)

Hi Star* - Glad to see you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Honestly I cannot see which parts of the PLB guidelines I left out... maybe the "I married you for life" part? - maybe I wrote too much?

I'm not 100% certain that I want my marriage back. I know I love him and miss him every day - but I don't want to make him unhappy in a reluctant relationship with me. Please understand - I need and deserve a loving husband - a man who is 100% sure he want me forever! However - I want to tell him that I still love him and I did in the past as well.
I want to be honest this time. The important thing I would gain by sending this letter is relief - I am honest about my love for him and I can move on knowing I made mistakes in my marriage, but I apologized for them and offered a way back.
What he'll do when the letter is recieved is in his hands.

I do see that parts of the letter should be shorter - some parts, like "I will never forget what a fantastic man you were." -- Chris is a bit odd. He was a fantastic man looong time ago - I think I tried to hurt him a little with the "were" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Well - I'm going to write and rewrite until my letter is perfect.

Thanks again Star and Chris!

I'm not 100% certain that I want my marriage back.
Of course you feel this way. After a time, this is how it goes.

Remember, Plan B is not, "I will take you back when you end the affair".
It's, "we can discuss our relationship and reconciliation when you end the affair."

but I don't want to make him unhappy in a reluctant relationship with me.
That's a crock! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> You want him in a relationship & you know you both can be happy, only if he's willing...

I need and deserve a loving husband - a man who is 100% sure he want me forever!
This may come with time, assuming he returns, but don't expect him to believe or even think that way for awhile. If this is an demand of him to return, you will be sorely disappointed.

I want to tell him that I still love him and I did in the past as well.
Then leave it at something like, "I still love you and always have."

The important thing I would gain by sending this letter is relief - I am honest about my love for him and I can move on knowing I made mistakes in my marriage, but I apologized for them and offered a way back.
One of the reasons to send it

I think I tried to hurt him a little with the "were"
Well don't. It's the last thing he will see from you for a while.

I'm going to write and rewrite until my letter is perfect.
That's one reason Plan B requires a letter and not just something you tell them. You can get it right without you emotions screwing it up.