OK there's a message thread here about whether or not to take revenge on the OW or OM, but has anyone had problems with their WS and OW/OM taking revenge on the BS?
I called a number on the phone bill yesterday and it turned out to be his girlfriend, I tried to talk to her but of course she hung up. I called back and left a message for her. Later I tried calling again and did get to talk to her briefly before she said not to call again or she'd call the police. So of course I did not call her back.
What would be the point anyway since she didn't really seem interested in learning that my husband had voluntarily signed a one year separation agreement to delay the divorce. (They brok up a month ago because the divorce didn't happen as scheduled but I had reasons to suspect they were about to get back together and wanted to let her know he was lying to her and it was more than just a temporary delay in the divorce. I figured she'd been lied to about how long of a delay it was and probably told it was all my fault - stalling and he couldn't do anything about it.)
But this morning I called a different unknown # on the phone bill. Nobody answered and it didn't go to an answering machine. So I didn't think anything of it. A few minutes later my husband called and said his bimbo was getting a restraining order and having me arrested!
This is the same husband who said he would never forgive me and makes sure he 'stays hot at me' (so he can keep hating me - so there's no chance we'll reconcile) for getting a restraining order when he head-butted me and threatened to kill me soon after I'd been diagnosed with severe hypertension! The same husband who called me white trash in front of our daughters for calling the police when he did that to me. The same husband who threatened over the phone this morning to 'rip my head off' if I didn't tell him how I found out her phone #.
And the bimbo is the same bimbo who harrassed my husband by phone when he was trying to have visitation with our daughters - making him tell her exactly who was with him, where they were going, and how long they'd be there. Eveidently so she could follow them around to check up on him. The same bimbo who stalked us one Saturday when my husband had convinced all of us to spend the day together - calling my husband repeatedly on his cell phone until he had to turn it off, threatening to 'drop by' where we were to confront him in front of our daughters, and my husband having to drive like a maniac to keep her from catching up with us. The same jealous control freak who broke up with my husband once or twice a week for the past two months of their affair because she didn't want to share him with his daughters.
I think they're both just really angry right now because all the fun part of the affair is over now, it's exposure and consequence time, they feel guilt about the hurt and mess they've caused but want to place 100% of the blame for everything on me. So maybe I'm being targeted with their anger and frustration? I know my husband would think it's some sort of (sick) 'justice' if I had a restraining order against me to get even for my having gotten one against him.
Also, now that I know who she is they might be worried I will tell her ex (a policeman who tried to get custody of his little girl from the bimbo) that she was allowing my husband, with his anger/violence problem and a restraining order on his record, to be around his little girl.
And ironically months ago I talked to my lawyer and a detective about trying to find out who she was because of her stalking. I wanted to know why her ex had tried to get custody of their child - did she have a drug or violence problem and might therefore be a danger to MY kids? But since she dumped my husband because of the divorce delay I didn't pursue it, figuring she wouldn't be harrassing/stalking my husband during daughters' visitation anymore.
I told my husband I think it's pretty sick he thinks it was OK to commit adultery with her for 9 months but for just talking to her I'm treated like a criminal. Plus evidently he thinks calling comebody on the phone (I made no threats) is worse than head-butting somebody (or calling them on the phone and threatening to rip their head off). What a lunatic.
Anyway, the police did come to my house but were very nice and totally understanding. They'd already been to the 20-something-year-old bimbo's place and shook their heads in disgust when I told them my husband was 50 years old. They mostly wanted to talk to me about how to protect myself and my daughters from my husband and his bimbo! And they said they were going back to the bimbo's place when they left my house to warn HER to never stalk/harrass again. They asked me how much of what I told them I wanted them to tell her - I said everything, about how he voluntarily signed papers to delay divorce for a year because he wanted to continue to see me, the severe problems my daughters are having to go to counseling for, my husband's violence problem, how he told us he never planned to marry her, thought he could just divorce me to satisfy her, but still come to my home after work every day staying until bedtime, and only go to her to have sex with at night, that he told our daughters he would spend more time with us than with her (I was the one who told him that would never work - that even if they had never discussed it she would want to marry after the divorce and would not want him coming over to our house every day!)
I wanted them to tell her the things I called her to tell her - the things I thought she had a right to know. Things my husband sometimes claimed he had told her and she supposedly had no problem with (yea right), sometimes admitted he hadn't told her because 'it hadn't come up', and sometimes said was 'none of her business'.
But I guess if she really wanted to know the truth she would have contacted me a long time ago.
I'm sure she knew my phone # and address. (Sometimes my husband couldn't get out of his car and come in for fear she would drive by and see - he had to sit in his car in the driveway until our daughters were ready to go.)
It just doesn't make sense to have anything more to do with him. There's no way I can explain to my daughters how what he's done makes any sense or is fogiveable. We've suffered too much hurt and humiliation already. None of them want to talk to him or see him anymore anyway.
