My WW has acknoledged multiple kissing sessions with the OM, and today she had the audacity to say this is all about me, and to look at myself. However, when I ask when they first kissed, she says "none of your business. I'm not going to give you the satisfaction."

She seems so cruel to me. We've been married for 12 years, and have 2 daughters, 5 and 7. For more of the miserable details, see I'm pretty sure But all of a sudden, she says that I yelled at her every day (not true), and all kinds of other terrible things which have happened over the course of 12 years. Most of the things happened over 3 years ago! 100% my fault, of course.

Yesterday, I sent an email to the OM and most all of her friends. It said that she had kissed the OM multiple times, and she wants to pursue a relationship with him. Also said that I love her, and want to repair the marriage and save our family. She said I was pathetic, and there was nothing going on (although the email was simply a rewording of what she had admitted). She threatened a restraining order (haha). Also, she said that I was using the kids as pawns, because I said we should try to repair the marriage because of them.

Tried to work on plan A today. Was a good father, took her out to lunch, but she turned so cruel in the afternoon. It shocked me. It's so hard to stay the course and not get rattled/discouraged in the face of such obstacles.

Can anyone give me any hints, words of advice, or things to anticipate in plan A?

<small>[ October 11, 2003, 04:34 PM: Message edited by: tallboy ]</small>

A good Plan A will frequently make a WS angry. Many WS's re-write history and blame the BS for everything. If the BS is doing a good Plan A, it is really hard to hold on to that revisionist history, when everythign you do screams at her that she is wrong. Very discomforting. Very guilt-producing. Are you familiar with the Biblical saying about how doing good to those who harm you heaps burning coals on their head?That's what Plan A is about.

Also, if she can push your buttons and make you get angry, demanding, insulting, etc., then she can say to herself "See - he's always like that!" So Plan A is also about taking away the WS's mental ammunition to justify the affair. They may continue to justify it, but the less real their self-justification is, the quicker and more completely it collapses when reality starts to knock them on the head - and it always does.

John39, couldnt agree with what you have said more, only one thing, still waiting for that reality thing to kick my WW in the head.

Unfortunately, it can take a couple of years <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . A good Plan A/Plan B can speed things up - or not. Some people just have to make ALL their own mistakes and are almost impervious to outside influences.