When our oldest was about 2 I was told by a person I thought was my friend this. "what did you say to _ {my husband} when you found out that he was cheating?" Floored and confused did not know what to say. I confronted him and he got angry and said they are just jealouse. Come to find out was told by a reliable source that the person who told me was a wife of an employee of my husbands. He had the chance to get a supervisor job and refused to learn all the stuff,just wanted to be a worker and not have all the responsibility of a higher position. He{worker} was caught by others to be doing things with a girl co-worker and was wrote up and removed from working with her. His wife I never told he was found and she would have never believed he was doing it anyway. As soon as that worker quit his job, things were being said about my husband{cheating}.This guy talked to people we also did and it would get told to me he said it. I would never dream he would do that to me as we have been together since I was 14. He denies all that was said, and I don't have any proof he has done anything wrong just got that wondering in my head. There will be times he wants to make love all the time and then there is times he can go a week or so, then I start wondering well is he getting it at work or what. Am I just too parionoid cause what has been said in the past?

Without knowing anything other than what you said above, the comment about your husband cheating could well have been jealousy--as your husband suggested. The relational dynamics of where this information was coming from is certainly not reliable and if the couple is now struggling financially, the wife may believe she has a reason to try and mess up your life. And look what you're doing...if your H has been faithful, you are falling into the trap the other woman set. Whether you realize it or not, there is a wall growing between you and H as you try and determine whether or not he is cheating and that wall can be just as destructive as an A if your husband never cheated.

First, you need to try your best to forget that comment. It did come from a woman who easily could have had an agenda to destroy you and/or your husband. Other than the time "off" from sex, do you have any other indicators that your H may have or may be cheating. Does he have unexplained absences from home, does he regularly come home from work late, if he does come home late does he refuse to talk to you about what he was doing or where he was at. These are possible (and I stress possible) indicators that he's leading a second life. Secondly, if any of those things are happening talk to your H in a noncombative way.

When you go that week without sex, ask your H about it. Tell him you are having a difficult time getting all the rumours out of your head at times like this and you need his help to do that. Check for his response when you are asking for his help. Do not acuse him of something you do not know is true--if you're wrong you'll be doing some serious damage.

Finally, if you haven't already done so, I'd pick up the book "His Needs, Her Needs". It's an excellent book on marriage in general and has valuable information for all couples--even those lucky enough to be in the best of marriages.

Thank you very much. No everytime he has been late it has been that he was at work. He works at a peanut plant, where they get the peanuts ready to go into the candy bars. Sometimes the machinery breaks down and if it is past 5:00 he has to wait til the mechanic comes to fix it if he can't. Usually when he knows he will be over he calls and tells me if I need him to call he will be at work for awhile. When he does stay over I call and talk with him just reassure my insecureness I guess and it sure helps. A major part of our marriage stems from when he was young and at home. There was no love shown between mom and dad or towards the kids, if there was it must have been very silently. We have been together since I was 14 and am now 28. If I get upset and tell him that I feel like he is avoiding me emotionally and physicallly he will tell me you know I love you why do I always have to say it. I have tried with all my might to tell him how important those 3 words are. If he would just tell me more often I really don't think I would have any kind of doubts at all, cause he does not say anything he does not mean. He is a quiet man and when he does speak, he lets it all out. Him and his family {except one brother,and dad} don't speak. He won't have anything to do with his mother. Won't go see her call her or anything and that is b/c of the way she treated me and our kids. I guess he thinks if you treat the woman I married and my kids wrong I have no use for you. He is the baby of the family and seems like he and one older brother are the sore thumbs of them all. He speaks to his dad and sees him everyday at our shop, but noone else. I believe that alot of why when we do have problems is he works entirely too much. He has a 40-50 hr. wk job, and still goes to our auto shop and works after he gets home. He has a hobby of dirt track racing and what he makes at our shop enables him to pay his rent for the shop and go racing. I understand this is one of his enjoyments, and I do have to say if I tell him "I need you to do this before you go to the shop he does it,or if I want to go somewhere and do stuff with our boys and him he goes" so maybe I am asking too much of him. I have needs also. I never say "NO" I don't want to ML to him, but he will turn over when I initate it sometimes and this makes me feel like he does not love me. I guess we are all just part of a big life road that never ends.

<small>[ October 15, 2003, 10:37 AM: Message edited by: wonderior ]</small>