Thank you to so many people who have supported me the past couple of weeks. Last night was really hard on me, the "fog talk" was in full effect and I'm just empty and tired of this. To those of you who predicted a rewritten marital history, you were correct and that is what she gave to her parents, who now see me as the villan. While I am not without sin in the marriage (porn problem resulting from unmet SF), an A is NOT the same. She however is putting the cart before the horse and saying my porn problem was prior to our lack of sex. Wrong honey, I was rarely fulfilled during even our first year of marriage when it was not a problem.
She was also questioning the tactics of Plan A (only 10 days so far, shortest on record?). She wondered what my motivation is? I was doing it because I loved her and it was the right thing to do. She may see this as a competition but I told her it was to remind her of a time when we did have love for each other, that I am a changed man/husband, and that there is no competition since she has given her heart to OM. It was really hard not to love bust while being blamed for everything. She feels SO justified in the affair. She is of course the victim here.
Maybe, I just want to be done with her. I see her as a Taker, now. I can't honestly remember a time in our marriage when she tried to meet my ENs. She says she just wants to be happy, well having an A is a very peculiar way to make that happen. It's pretty stupid.
She cheated on me before we got married and I wonder now if I took her back then for the wrong reasons. At the time, she didn't admit to the sexual intercourse but now she has. I feel out of energy and don't care about M. I no longer am/feel dependent on her, which is very liberating and caused me to tell her that I will be fine whether she stays or goes. Maybe there is someone else out there who will be GREAT?
I could use support or someone to remind me why I should want this M, feeling pretty hurt and empty inside.
