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Is the WS suppossed to know what the intention of the BS is in Plan A? I recently printed out the questionnaires, and want to give them to H, but obviously, he's going to know I'm up to something. I've already told him that I have reasons for handling this situation the way I've decided to (ie, not just leaving him). He's always afraid that I'm going to pressure him into a decision, or make expectations of him.
How do I present these questionnaires to him in a non- LBing way, and so that he won't feel like I'm putting pressure on the M?
But, I also want him to know that I'm not condoning the A in any way, and that I can't just sit back and allow him to be a cake-eater. Cuz, he's been doint that a lot in the last week!!!
Thanks,
MOP
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Hi MOP,
I never let WS know I had a 'plan'. He hates to think he's being manipulated in some way. But I did talk about some of the MB principles and he could see how they could work on ending an A. It wasn't until last week that I brought SAA into the house and he's been reading it.
I'm not sure how to present the questionaires. I still haven't done this. For my WS, I thought he would think it was a bandage on a hemorraging M. However, he mentioned his biggest EN last night, so he may be receptive.
I thought I was condoning the A as well, but I kept talking. I kept saying that it had to end, etc. I'm sure WS knew how I felt about the A.
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Perhaps I can ease into it. I've already told him that I know there are some things that he would have liked me to improve in our M prior to the A. And I also told him that I'm more that willing to do that. So, maybe I'll just say that in an attempt to improve on myself, I need a little help from him by filling the forms out.
What do you think?
MOP
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You know what? You can try filling out the forms for WS. That's what I did in the beginning. You might get the order a little wrong, but I think you will hit the mark most of the time and then you don't have to worry how he'll receive the questionaires. I thought WS' #1 EN was conversation, but he said it was affection. Oops!
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Well, when H first approached me 6 mos. ago about our "marital problems," he said that our M lacked the passion and daily affection he craved. So, I would have to guess that affection is no. 1 for my H, too.
I'll see what his mood is like tonight. I don't think he'll be oppossed to the forms, just not real eager... He's taken other "tests" for me in the last 6 mos., when he was further in denial about the A, so perhaps I'm underestimating him.
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MOP: Did he fill out the questionaires?
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lbc,
Sorry, I've been out of touch lately. Haven't really seen H a whole lot since I posted this thread. Maybe twice in the last week. He's spending a lot of time w/OW lately, and saying, "I'm sorry, I know you don't understand, but I can't talk to you about it right now." I'm so lost, and seriously just considering Plan B. So, no, he hasn't filled out the questionnaires.
Baby's due in 8 days, I'm so confused. He's spending way more time w/OW and her two kids. He's not making the effort to see the kids he's got now, why will things change with a newborn?
I'm so sad today, not just for me, but for my children, and my H. He's missing so much...
MOP
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