I BS 5 days ago calmly asked WH to leave. I am a homemaker with no family in the state where I live otherwise I would have been the one to leave. I would like no contact with WH during plan B but we have a son and I don't want to punish my son for what my husband has done. WH has been at his parents for 2 nights now...but comes here to see our son every night after work.

We tried plan A for 3+ months and although we had plenty of ups and downs, WH never maintained no contact with OW. No honesty etc. He has read Harley's books with me etc and had made many claims that he was trying his best.

I however, finally had enough of him having his cake and eating it too so I asked him to leave until he could commit. Letting him know I still loved him and wanted to work on our marriage but that I could no longer handle the stress.

I recently found out we are pregnant again. I was trying after just finding out about the A to meet all his needs, sexual fulfillment being one of them and now we have another baby on the way.

Last night during a phone call with WH, he admitted for the first time that despite what he was saying he knew in his heart he was not putting any effort into recovery. It was nice to hear him admit. He followed up by saying that he didn't think he could give the effort needed to make our marriage work. Not sure if he means right now or ever. I am sad and feel lonely.

I may have to face the reality of raising 2 children alone. It scares me despite how strong I know I am.

I am fearful we will not make it back to each other. He doesn't want counseling right now though I have tried to get him to go for months. And I know he will be talking to OW more than ever now. I can only pray his A dies a natural death and he finds his way back to me. I am not sure what else can be done.

At this point I would welcome any advice or encouraging words any of you can offer.

Thanks for your patience with this long post.

I am new at all this so really am not capable of giving you any advice. Reading your post wrenched at my heart though, I just wanted to give you a *hug*.

I think PLAN B will mean divorce
It might end up that way. But are you willing to go on indefinitely the way you are?
No one ever said Plan B would save your marriage. It is one of the best ways that it may be saved if an affair is opngoing.

We tried plan A for 3+ months
Plan A (read below) is not something the wayward spouse does. It is not something the ws needs to agree with or even accept.
It is something the betrayed does.

Have you given any thought to calling Marriage Builders for counseling?

Plan B works very well. I have been in it for about 2 weeks and feel much, much, better. After I gave H Plan B letter, he came over twice and stood on porch for an hour begging me to reconsider. I told him to reread my letter. (NC with OW & plan for reconciling), since then I have heard nothing from him. But I am developing peace of mind and feel happy most of the time. Sounds like you need to stick to Plan B... . You can make plan to let him see child. People here can help you. But he needs to know that the marriage is on the line as long as he is seeing OW. Believe me when she finds out you are expecting it will put a HUGE strain on their relationship. Hang in there, and take care of yourself.

First off thanks to you all for responding.

I know Plan A is not a "we" thing, but rather soemthing I impliment. The same goes with Plan B. I am happier with him gone...in that at least I know I have peace in my home. However he is often here because he needs to see our son and we have no family or friends in this city to mediate for us. I will not allow him to take our son off the premises because he has threatened to not return him. A way for him to intimidate me I suppose.

Anyhow. Now, in the last week Divorce has been the topic of discussion. WH threatened me with it because if we divorce I will be deported I moves to the US from Canada to marry him. At the time we were in love. I want to go to counselling but he does not want to. Still in the fog I guess. I didn't want to go to Plan B....but he never once stoped contact with OW so I had to.

I hope things work out. But I am now comfortable with the idea that it may not. I know I am strong enough to handle this. But it still hurts.

Thanks again for all the replies.

BH

BHampton:

I read your last post and have a question for you. Do you want to live the rest of your life in fear that your H will take your son from you? I'm concerned that he'd make such a threat.

Second, I'd check with the INS about your legal status now that you have a son born in this country. I'm not sure they'd deport you even if you are divorced. In the meantime, unless you have no desire to, take steps to eliminate that threat in any event by taking citizenship classes.

<small>[ November 11, 2003, 01:48 PM: Message edited by: TooTired4Words ]</small>

bhampton,

Know you are doing the right thing. I should be in Plan B but am having difficulties making the break from WH. Something you said about peace in your home has struck a cord with me. That is all I want for me and my babies.

Like your WH, my WH's A is ongoing with OW1 and now it looks as if there is OW2. He tells me constantly he can not commit to this M. You think that would be enough for me to go to Plan B. I guess what I am saying is that I envy you in a sense, I wish my WH was gone.

Take care of yourself and that new life inside you. I to got pregnant after D-Day(2/14/03) but was emotionally and physically unable to carry my child and miscarried in the beginning of Aug.

Pryaing for you

L

Lisa I am so sorry for your loss. I have very real fears about the same thing happening to me. That is why and how I found the courage to go to Plan B. I was very concerned about the stress of having WH in the house (while he continued to talk to OW) would create too much stress for myself and the unborn baby.

I have learned in recent months that I am stronger that I ever thought imaginable. I am sure you are too.

Everyone has their own breaking point and I had to do something quick because I was rapidly approaching mine. Hang in there I will keep you in my prayers.

Just remember to look out for you and any other children you may have because no one else will do it for you.

I hope my situation improves but if it doesn't I will be ok. And that in it self is a wonderful feeling...to know you will be ok no matter what.

BH