Hello all -

#1. My WW is still seeing OM. Should I give her SAA to read or not? I don't know if she would read it .. but I think out of curiousity she might. She knows I've been on this site and she knows I have the book.. I'm currently in PLan A .. thinking about moving to Plan B ..

I think you should. That way, she has the tools she needs to survive this terrible situation. Then, it's up to her how she uses them.

One of the many good things about that book is that it makes no one out to be the villian, so if she fears feeling that way, that wn't be the case.

Best of luck to you through this struggle.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

This isn't much advice, because I can see pros and cons to both. On one hand, it would be good for her to understand the dynamics of recovery. On the other hand, it'll clue her in on Plan B and may help her dream of strategies to work around it.

I'd definitely recommend that you give her "Torn Asunder". It offers many of the same benefits.

Have you had the talk with her and shared the what Plan A is and explained that you are willing to find out what went wrong and imporve upon it with her?

Moving to plan B is scarry and You are not alone. I'm knocking on its door also. Though right now I know it is hard, this too shall pass and I wish you the best.

I think for each it is different. I gave it to my WH and wondered the same thing about if I had to ever put Plan B into effect. And at that time I was seriously considering plan B. But then I came to the conclusion that I had nothing to lose. And I believe it was the "thing" that started him out of the fog. He saw himself in the worse scenerio they give, I can't remember their names now and WS has the book with him. He said it was like his A in print. He is rereading for the second time now so you can get things he missed the first time. In fact he even took it to C with him several times to get C opinion. Now he quotes it like his bible "the fog" he'll say etc etc.
So only you can decide.
Km4
me 39
wh 44
married 17 years
2 boys 11 and 4
ow was my best friend

Lost
When my WW asked about the book I was reading she asked to read it and I gave it to her. I think it was the right choice. She also saw many parallels to our situation in the worst case scenario affair that they have. However, it hasn't done any good at this point. In the interest of keeping the communication lines open, she has become a wavering, cake-eating, fence sitter between me and OM. As I look at her life, it hasn't changed all that much since DDay, still talks/emails OM daily, theirs is a EA but she remains very distant even against my best attempts at plan A, 1 month so far. She only stays home and sleeps in the other room about 50% of the time. How do you do a good Plan A with so little exposure?

The point is I think giving WW SAA is not a bad thing. Plan B, whether she knows it is coming or not, is going to be tramatic for both of you. And if she is on her way out anyway what will her preparation for Plan B matter.

Best of luck. I don't know how people suffer on under these conditions. You're doing better than me.

Riding - I don't know about that one ... I'm not sure if any of us do better. It is hard to all of us .. I wish the best for everyone here.

Somedays it seems so much easier just to walk away and start new. But then I look at my children and remember why I am putting myself thru this.

Thank you everyone for the post .. I'll check back on this again .. still not sure what I'm going to do.

You can give her a copy of the book with a 'Thoughtful Request' (see Love Busters for more information on Thoughtful Requests) for her to read it. She has every right to say no, but you can ask respectfully in a non-controlling way. Remember that any attempts at educating your spouse right now will be viewed as an attempt to control and get your way.

You can give her a copy of the book with a 'Thoughtful Request' (see Love Busters for more information on Thoughtful Requests) for her to read it. She has every right to say no, but you can ask respectfully in a non-controlling way. Remember that any attempts at educating your spouse right now will be viewed as an attempt to control and get your way.