My H and I started Plan A. He cut off contact or so it seemed with this person. Then I found out he was talking to her. He will stop talking to her for a while, then he starts all over again. I don't know what to do. Is he crazy? Why CAN'T he STOP TALKING TO HER? Then I try to talk to him about it. Though I mean to be supportive, as the words roll out of my mouth I begin insulting him and demanding and insiting and disrespecting. UUUGH! Why is this so hard? I am obsessed to the point that I wake up talking to him about it, I interrupt our conversation to discuss it. I think I go days without even knowing who I am dealing with this. I lose motivation to spend time with friends and our children. Help.

Have you got anyone else you can talk to? I have discovered what friends and family can really mean lately. I found it difficult to start with, as I am used to dealing with my own problems and I sought professional help. It works, I also discovered this website which has been of tremendous help (especially at 2 o'clock in the morning!)Pour your heart out somewhere else and your strength will come back. I well know the feeling of bewilderment as I talked about one subject to my WH while my brain was buzzing with nothing other than what he had done. How were things before this happened? Take time out to discover what lies under the hurt and anger you feel just now. Truly, do you still want him and can you forgive him? In my earliest days of shock, I twice managed to have moments of calm and decisiveness and it was amazing how my H reacted - both times he immediately showed more respect for me. I then learned that in order to get what I want (him) I had to be seen to be strong. Today I had a good day. I still don't know which way the axe is going to fall, but I have seen that whichever way, I am going to survive this and I'm going to be a better person for it. This sense of empowerment is almost worth the trouble it has taken to bring it on! Do read Dr H's material. Once you begin to understand what is happening I think you will find it easier to deal with. Post your anger and frustrations here! You do have the strength, you just have to find it - and you will. Hugs from deepest, darkest Africa.

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Plan A is for you and not for both of you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> .

When you want to LB picture this in your mind:
Later that day he will call OW for emotional support and you are the subject of their bonding.

-rh-

I echo the sentiments of redhat and lum57. Let me tell you, in the past I was very quick to let my temper fly off the handle. I know when my H confessed, the last thing he thought I'd do was to stay calm, rational and tell him we can work through this. Was this how I felt??? No way! But I had been reading before (suspected an A, but didn't have proof) and had started to make some changes in myself. He told me a couple of weeks later that my actions were speaking louder than my words. I asked what that meant and he said that the fact that I didn't rant and rave and then "kick him out of the house" spoke volumes for me. This was the first, and probably the only time in the past month since his confession, that I've had some validation that I'm doing something right.

Find someone you can trust to talk to. Someone objective, I know we have a mutual friend that my H wanted me to confide everything in, however, when I told her what was going on and her only reaction seemed to be to call a lawyer and know what my options were I could see which side of the fence she was more closely aligned with. I thought she'd understand and be more supportive of the M (since her ex-H cheated on her and that's why they divorced) but she hasn't been. I know right then, not to trust her and not to tell her anything I didn't want my H to know.

Once I found a trusted friend I have had such a great support system. If I need to cry at 1 in the morning, I can call. If I need shoulder to lean on, they're there. That support has been invaluable and kept me from LBing.

I understand how you feel about him talking to her. My H's last cell phone bill. . . .87 calls from him to her in a 30 day period, so I understand but keep a journal. What I've noticed is that I look at my journal on the days he calls alot and I see what was going on. I then try to use that as a learning tool for me to do something different. Maybe then he can call me versus her?? In the last 3 days of the billing period, I did see a drop off in the number of calls to her. . . it's an encouraging sign. Use anything you can find to keep your spirits up and motivate you.

Post here, often. I vent alot here and it really helps. I've gotten some great advice too! Also helps you to feel like you're not really crazy. . . .find the inner strength. I didn't think I had it, but I"m finding it, I know you can too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />