I don't think she REALLY cares.
But there must be a reason my husband doesn't want her to find out. And wouldn't she be angry just to find out he is lying to her and pretending he is with his daughters when they refuse to see him?
My husband defended her all through Plan A with comments like the divorce is not her fault, she never wanted to be 'the other woman' who is 'breaking up a family', quoted her as saying she had been assured his family was totally out of the picture, claims she 'cares about his daughters', said she's not the monster I think she is, blah-blah-blah
But when I called her she didn't want any info from me and we know for certain she interfered with the visitation. And her comment about being assured his family was totally out of the picture was followed by 'I won't be 2nd place'. Which was backed up by the tug-of-war between her and daughters over his time. She demanded cell phone contact with him during his visitation with his daughters but his cell phone is always off when she's with their father. For the last few weeks of Plan A my husband stripped the visitation back to just a couple days per week, secretly checked in with her by cell phone during visitaton, and stopped taking his daughters to his apartment (which she wants him to give up even though youngest daughter will never get to spend the night with her Daddy anymore - more evidence she doesn't really care about his daughters' feelings). I'm sure he had to do this to prove to her he could/would and that his daughters would accept it before she would agree to take him back. So I don't believe she REALLY cares about him having a relationship with his daughters - sounds as if she wanted him to have NO relationship with them before she agreed to start dating him. She dumped him for a week when I started Plan A just because he'd spent time with them. And now she has compromised to allow him very limited visitation which she controls (even though separation agreement gives control of visitation to the daughters).
BUT I think she does have a problem with being SEEN/THOUGHT OF as 'the other woman' who is 'breaking up a family'. She wants to pretend she's innocent. So if there are problems with his daughters accepting the affair/divorce, she would prefer not to KNOW about it so she can continue committing adultery while looking and feeling innocent. Therefore I think it could cause major problems in paradise if she were given the info, especially if other people she knows could be informed about it too (relatives, coworkers). Plus she would find out my husband is lying to her about his whereabouts when petending to be with his daughters.
I'm SURE I want to expose this, just scared of their threats to call police. My husband is using threat of calling police to try to bully me into leaving them alone and to tell him how I found out who she is and her phone #. The day they did send the police over he had been calling all morning claiming the police were at the other woman's place, with a restraining order all ready, and coming over any minute... UNLESS I told him who gave me the info. He said they were going to tell the police I had called her again after she said not to (I didn't) I knew he was bluffing about the restraining order that day because when I got a restraining order it took two days and I had to go downtown. Anyway, the phone calls and threat continued for several hours before police finally showed up. I todl the police my husband had been threatening to call the police and why. Since then my husband threatened to accuse me of 'keying' his car - claimed somebody saw it, then changed his story and said he saw it... But I didn't even know what that meant (thought he was saying I had somehow gotten the key to his car?) This time what he was demanding was that I not contact the other woman again or else he'd call the police with (false) accusation and have me arrested (I hadn't contacted her again but they had apparently just gotten back together again and he was worried I would?)
I told him to stop threatening me that way or I would bring charges against the two of them and told him I had taped the phone conversations with his threats.
But since she did tell me not to contact her again, I haven't and am afraid to get the info to her myself. But she can't do take any legal action if an anonymous concerned friend or relative makes a first contact with her can she?
