Please don't turn away when you read this but help!

My fiance asked me to come live with him because he wanted my son and me and him to be together. Yes, very bad move for many reasons. Read "Living together". But he also said he was trying to lose feelings for OW. I agreed.

It has been h*ll every since I've been here. He agreed to counseling but has shrugged back. But the OW has harrassed me. They are supposedly not having personal contact (like going out) or sexual relations but talk on the phone.

We agreed he would stop talking to her. He called her with me on the phone and told her it was over and there would be no contact. But he went right back talking to her. That really hurt.

Do I have any ground here to follow any of Plan A talking to his superior and OW H. I had to file a police report on her because she has harrassed testy. Or should I just leave because I fear the reprecussions would be too great and I don't have marriage to back me up? And he is now asking me to leave. Can any aid in this?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by canthiswork:
<strong> And he is now asking me to leave. Can any aid in this? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would pack my belonging and bring my S as far away, and put NC. You know the treatment during courting are the best predictor of your future M. The treatment is downhill from here on.

-rh-

c/work

I agree with redhat.

Read all the stuff on this site and you can see where your relationship is going.

Now is the time to get away. If and when your F comes to his senses then he will need to go through counseling before you ever move in or marry.

Good Luck

DD

Rh should I consider exposing it? If he should get with this woman I don't want her over my son.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by canthiswork:
<strong> Rh should I consider exposing it? If he should get with this woman I don't want her over my son. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Please clarify/ Is your BF your son's father?

L.

Orchis yes it is my son's father

canthiswork - Well looks to me like you are in a real mess. When you have a child together and are living together his actions will keep bringing you down. I would emotionally detach, get a job if you don't have one, let OW's H know what is going on, get child support, and prepare to move on with my life. Apparently you really care for this man, but folks on this board are right. If you marry him, things will go downhill even faster. If you start doing things to move on with your life, that may wake him up. But then you need to take some time, go to counseling, and carefully consider whether you even want to be with him. I know that it is awful now, but you may be able to save much more grief in the future by working on yourself now. Don't worry about your child being around OW - she probably won't last long. Keep posting here and reading material because in the long run it will make you a better person and help you hold out for the marriage you deserve. Right now take care of YOU and son.

can,

I think you are asking the wrong question. You want to know if exposure can help end the affair, and if you should tell his boss even though you are not married. The answer to that is....maybe. Is the affair work related? If so, then possibly it can help you.

But a better question is should you marry this man? I know he is the father of your child...but I still say the answer to this question is "No". Why? Because if this man will cheat on you BEFORE you are even married, you are opening both you and your son to a future that is far too risky. How he treats you now is the best indication (as redhat said) of what kind of success you will have in your marriage. As painful as this may be....I think you would do better to stop the marriage plans and move on with your life.

Here, here to all who have replied! Honey dear, it sounds like you should definitely pack up and move on. They absolutely treat you better before marriage (and so do we). And he's treating you how right now??

Think seriously about this. Take some time by yourself in a quiet room. Your son depends on you. Wish we could hear each other's voices on this board. I don't mean this to sound rude or condescending. I mean this to sound supportive. You can do this! I'll be praying for you!

Suebee

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by canthiswork:
<strong> Rh should I consider exposing it? If he should get with this woman I don't want her over my son. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">* He has first strike already, he didn't marry you when he found out that you have his son. *He has second strike already, cheating on you while you are in R.
*He has third strike already, not ammend you after D-day & cheat again.
*He has forth strike already, asking you to leave.

He should be ejected from this R. If there is any hope for your R ... you have to leave and let him know how much this hurt you and tell him NC and hand him plan B letter. Are you ready financially to move out ?. You were not lived w/o him before.

There is a different "mistake" and "intentional". Before D-day, he might make "mistake" (not excusing him) following his selfishness. After d-day and promises of ammending you, his actions is not a mistake, he know it very well what he should do but ignore it. He asked you to leave. IMVHO, this is a deal breaker. Staying put might give him excuses to treat you bad so you would leave.

Exposing is a must, many disagreed but this is one time LB that BS could do. To OWH is a must. I don't know about his superior, is he in the armed forces ? You might consinder the financial impact on him and you in the future if your S need child support.

You should add to the current R.O that you put on her to be away from your S if it is not already included. If she breaks it she go to jail ... if your WH helping, he might go too.

Having said this, Suebee, has a point. I reference to your info. about him asking you to leave as the gound for plan B. He might saying it out of anger or in the middle of dispute. You could verify this by asking him again. NO LB, find a right time and ask him. If he says, yes, you have to pack, hand him plan B letter and move out. If he says no ... it is up to you. I would listen to what he has to say more ... if he promise you to do something (ammend you), you have to ask him what is the penalty if he violate it ?. You have to stay and plan A. If he just babbles along ... I would leave and pack anyway. Again if there is hope in your R you have to stay strong.

Plan for M is definitly push out at least by 1-2 years and MC should be part of this.

BTW: How old is your S ?.

-rh-

I just found out that you are a FWS. Could you stay put in one thread ? ... putting info bit & pieces won't help you at all.

The correction to my suggestion is when you ask him again and he tell you to stay, you have to stay regardles if he is "babbling". You have much work to do ... not only for this R but for yourself. If he tell you to move out you have to move out but no plan B in place. NOT YET ! You have work to do before plan B, for your own sake.

-rh-

Sorry I have jumped all over the place in several threads. It is difficult replyng this way because I am usually trying to reply to several people. I apologize for the incovience and rudeness. Please forgive me.

No problem ... people will come to your thread and answer it anyway. hope you feel better -rh-

can- Don't worry about jumping all over the place, you are doing good even to be posting. For a long time I just read, didn't even sign up. So you are doing fine. It will really help you to post and also read others posts and information on this board. It's almost like group therapy. But do consider counseling, and try to start taking care of YOU and son. After awhile you will realize that your boyfriend's actions and attitude are nothing new. They all act the same, so don't take it personally. You may need some counseling on your own, and maybe some anti-depressants (I got mine from my regular doctor). But take heart and calm down, you found this place in time, and you will feel better soon, I promise. I'll be thinking about you from California, take care.