I've finally gotten to the point where my heart is totally broken when is with her. H went to see her on Sunday. He's always been honest and told me when he sees her. He came home, was fixing dinner and asked me how I was doing. I just melted. We hugged for a long time and he said he needs to move out now. He can't see me hurting.

We have discussed separation before. I've told him a few times that I want him to move out, but have always changed my mind. He has also done the same. He left on a business trip on Monday, returning today. He'll come by and get some things, then go to a hotel. We'll tell our children on Thursday night. There is no school on Friday, so I think that's good.

He is still in love with her and she is in love with him. They've been having an EA since the end of June, PA since around the end of July. He doesn't know what he wants to do. Doesn't want to hurt me; loves me, not in love with me. Can't stand to hurt children, but yet knows he must be true to himself.

I am not moving to Plan B yet. I think separation with contact is right for us for a while. Don't know how long. That will unfold as time goes on. If he hasn't gotten off the fence, I will go to Plan B.

I'm going to meet with my parents in a few hours to tell them about the separation. They will be leaving for the winter soon and I don't want to tell them over the phone.

Dang this whole situation scares the patooty out of me!

Sue, I am sorry you are here, but it is a good place for people like ourselves to be.

I am not qaulified to counsel you as to what actions you should take, just experienced in the same situation.

We all recieved the I love you but not in love with you speach.

Hang in there, post often and read the thread here, these situations are all identicale, and I am sure if one of the regulars does not respond to you soon, you will find some guidence in some of the other posts.

Take care, we are all in this mess together.

Rookie

Suebee,

You are doing good. Rememeber in plan A, WS has full control of this 'coaster. Hang in there and post/vents here ... we are lurking <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

You are following BS's script. If there is any hope to rebuild your M, not just salvage it WH has to come around. Remember you have let the dog out, you can't just take him back w/o working on M.

-rh-

suebee - Sounds like he needs to move out. Plan B is to protect you and your love for him. It's best to do a good Plan A, but there is a limit. I'm not an expert, so don't know where the line is drawn. My H completely backrupted my love bank before I went in Plan B. Now I'm happier without him. You might want to consider counseling on this site - expensive but probably worth it in the long run. I didn't get it and now it has cost me thousands, as H continues his fantasy, trips with OW, dinners out everynight. He has given me no money for 8 months. So I would suggest a couple of hundred spent on counseling here. Also pay no attention to his fog talk: I love you but not in love with you, I didn't mean to do this, Can't stand to see you hurt, I need some space, OP and I are soulmates, blah, blah, blah. They all say the same things. Hang in there and good luck, and keep posting.

Ugh, we are in the same exact place. I'm asking for separation, but he has no friends (OW lives with her parents) and we have no money for him to find an apartment. I think I'll look for a room in someone's home for him. I don't know why his lunch with her yesterday was the last straw. I mean I Plan A'd while he was sleeping with her. Maybe my love bank is bankrupt. Oh well, happy holidays to us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Thanks for your replies. I am pretty sure that this is the place we should be at this time. My parents were very accepting and supportive of what we are doing. I didn't cry ... who am I??? All I've been able to do lately is cry. Guess the ADs are working well.

rookie, I've been around for a few months. Thanks for listening. I'll be praying for you, too.

redhat, glad to hear people are lurking. Sometimes if you don't get a response you wonder if you're out of your mind or if no one is hearing you. I know that I read here lots, I mean LOTS, but don't always respond.

believer, I am in IC. It is helping, and I have been considering calling for help here because I believe in the concepts. Have been pondering. Know my life will go down the path God means it to be on.

lbc, it does sometimes just take that one extra lunch, doesn't it?!! I have also Plan A'd while he was sleeping with her and was emotionally involved, still is emotionally involved and I think sleeping with her. My love bank isn't bankrupt, just running a few dollars short of normal. He has actually put some deposits in it in the last few weeks, though <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Keep positive!

suebee - Really consider coounseling here. It seems to me (too late) that it is worth it. It could save you lots of $$ later. Hang it there, we are here for you.

Believer talked about where the line is between Plan A and B. Here's a pretty good one:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
"When your spouse is trying to decide between you and the lover, it's time for Plan B."
...Willard F. Harley Jr. PhD.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Plan A should be an effort to help the WS see the marriage as a better alternative to the affair. When he begins to waffle (fence sit)...you go to B.

star*fish, I was wondering when someone would point that out to me. It's something that I've seen on cerri's signature line that has always stuck with me.

Know that we've had the Plan A discussion before about exposure of A. I'm doing that right now. And then it very well may be time to move to Plan B in a week or so. We'll see if his tune changes. Don't think that I can make him fall in love with me when he's out of the house since my expressions of love when he was here didn't, but guess you never know.

Will keep you all updated. Thanks for the replies.