Well, I wish I could say I was glad to be here, but like most people, I would have rather avoided the situation. I've been lurking for 4-5 wks, I sure could have used this info 3 months ago. My story is not much different than many of the ones I've seen here, but here go's...

BS-36 WW-30, M for 10 years. 4 days before our 10th Anniv caught W in hotel room with OM. WW said it EA only and OP was not a co-worker. WW said this has been comming for a long time and she was sorry have me find out that way. 4 days latter, WW moves out into temp housing to "clear her head". After 30 days WW said she needed more time and space, found more perminant housing (appartment), and the kids moved in with her. 6 weeks after D-day, WW said she wanted to talk about our future. Yipppy!! While at her place I ran acrossed her journal (only a couple of entries)and found out OM was a co-worker, the same guy that had been hanging around her place "helping" her get settled in. WW said they had said thier peace and knew things wouldn't work out for them. 4 days latter they had a "chance encounter" and the A was on again. WW admitted PA after she had moved out, so in her mind it was OK.

Found this board about a month ago, ordered the books, and dove in to Plan A head first. WW was somewhat recptive but still very distant. Occationally she would express her feelings for me, and say she wants to work on the M. But that only happened when her and OM are fighting. They kiss and make up, and I'm back to square one again. After1 month of Plan A, it was clear that WW was a cake-eater. She knows what she needs to do, but to scared to be alone, and still engulfed by the fog. It's almost funny how stereotypical her behavior has been. It's like she reading WS checklist. After WW said OM is out of the picture (big fight, over loyalty/trust issues, imagine that!!), found out they are still spending time together outside of work. WW says "he's just a friend now" (right), "I don't want a relationship with either of you, I need time and space". After seeing that nothing has/would change (cake-eater), I moved to Plan B three days ago.

The one thing I love about this board is the amount of encouragement, and reassurance that is given. It is so hard and painful to deal with someone while their head is in the fog. WW has been almost textbook up to this piont. Now I just have to wait things out. Been in IC for 2.5 months some AD's, told MIL about A the other day. She was unaware. She was very supportive of my plight, and just wants us both to be happy, even though she was saddend to hear of the A. I guess it's time see what happens and vent when I need to!! Thanks to all who have come before me, and have shared thier experiances and wisdom. Now I know I'm not alone after all.

hang, did you contact thier place of work?, is he married?, if so, did you contact his W?.

We are in the same porition, my W also is involved with a co-worker and she also has moved out. She considers is a legitimate issue now that she is no longer living here and does not consider what she is doing as audultery, simply amazing how these people buffalo themselves.

Hang in there and keep posting.

Rookie

Rookie,

Yeah, pretty simular. OM is Dv (4 years), but was still living with ex-W and S-6, out of practicality. Hence WW had loyalty issues about OM being so close to his ex. For a while she thought she was being taken for ride by OM, and started talking reconciliation with me. 1 week latter he tells her he moved out of ex-W's place....and the fog bank rolled in again. The people at thier work are aware we are separated, and some know that her and OM are spending a lot of time together, even fewer know the whole deal. But according to WS, OM has taken a new job and this is his last week (I'll believe that when I see it). To make things worse, I exposed the A to FIL last night, and got the emergency call from WS saying her dad was in the hospital and not doing well (I hope I didn't trigger the big one). So, now I have kind of slipped back into Plan A, offering support and other assistance (I even offered to drive her home, 15 hrs from here). She is going to wait until the A.M. to make a decision on weather to go home or not. So, I'll either be joining her, or taking care of the kids while she's gone.

And your right, it is amazing how these people can rationalize thier actions. Makes you wonder why we love them so much, and are willing to subject ourselves to so much pain to be with them. It must be love!!