Help!

My WW is a "cake-eater" and forced me to go to Plan B 4 days ago. WW contacted me last night to say her father has been hospitalized, and the outlook is not good. She said she may need to go home to be with him.

I have a feeling she is going to be looking for some support from me, be it financial, domestic (take care of the kids while she's gone), "emotional" (may want me to go with her, (to help drive)), or all of the above.

What should I do??? Do I slip back into Plan A and meet these needs. I don't want to compromise my Plan B resolve so quickly. Should I tell her she needs to figure it out on her own and leave me out of it, and risk missing a good opertunity to prove myself.

When she called last night, I asked her if she wanted me to come be with her (kids were staying at a friends house for the night). She said she would be okay and let me know if anything changed. I did some checking and found out 98% chance she spent the night at OM's house.

Cake-eaters are the worst!! What am I going to do!??

hangon, let me emphasise I am no way a counselor, but...

I would first call the family myself and verify that the illness is as serious as she states. Do it under telling the family that you are calling to wish the best and wanted to comfort them.

He could be in the hospital for some minor issues and your W is using this as a opportunity to derail your plan B.

Second, if he is as sick as she says he is, I would support my W financially and watch the children for her, so she could go and be with her father, but I would say it is imposible to get off work at this time or some other reason that I would not have to go.

Just seems fishy that you go into plan B and the emergency arises, was he hospitalized for a issue that was previously dianosed?

Remember, while they are WS's dont believe a word they say, they will try to manipulate at every move.

If someone else has other suggestions, please step in, these are just my thoughts and I dont want to give a improper opinion on the matter and please hangon accept this for what it is, just my opinion there are others herer more qualified to asnwer your question.

You might want to call for Cerri on this one immedialtey.

TMCM, where are ya??????

redhat??????

Orchid????

This poor guy needs help quick'''

Dude, you hit the nail right on the head!

Called the inlaws this A.M. to get an update and found out the whole thing was a lie. WS even called me while I was on the phone with her dad to say she had just talked to them, and things were okay and her dad was out danger for now. FIL felt really bad that WS was using them to manipulate me.

So, I haven't let WS know that I figured everything out yet. I'm going to give her a little more rope to finish the job! I have taken the liberty to tell most of her family the whole story. They were all under the impression we were separtated for more typical marital problems. Needless to say they were distured and saddened to hear the truth. I also told our mutual friend who kept the kids for her last night due to the "emergency", the WS was jerking us both around. This friend has known about almost everything from the start and has been a confidant for both of us. But, now she see's that WS has compromised thier trust to suit her own needs. The friend isn't going to say anything the WS, but is going to watch her back.

You guys are the bomb!! I guess it's back to strict Plan B, and let her family put some pressure on her!!!

hang, I wouldnt say a word to her about knowing of her attempt to manipulate you. Let her father ask her what the hell she was talking about, it would just put you in a arguementative position, sides that it will embarass her if she hears it from her father, like these people know the meaning of shame.. STAY OUT OF IT.

In regards to the confidant, well,,, I wouldnt pour my heart out to someone who is talking to the W. I did that and was kicked in the proverbial a**, the confidant wasnt so quiet and the W knew my every thought, I no longer talk anything about the W with that person.

Did you send your W a plan B letter, if not, start writting one immediatley.

Hangon, Oh man how horrible? Using poor ole dad to get on with the folly of committing infidelitey.

Well I thank you and rookie for your topic because it has given me some humor and strength to continue moving on with my life.

I was holding on to my relationship with my fiance because I thought he was trying to get over my having an A on him before. Now I realize he really does enjoy having my love and the love of the OW (also WS) he is seeing.

Besides seeing a fine guy on TV that reignited my desire to date again, I realized that if we can't get past this and we aren't married how can we get married.

It is amazing how much they will lie. He sent me a text message several times the other day telling me how he missed me. I went to his house
that I have a key to, to verify the story. I found the OW's (also WS) number all over his caller Id (Which doesn't happen when I'm there), a female item there, and a few other things. I came back to his house later that day and he had removed the things that were there. Um, Um, Um.

I was suffering and sad. Now I'm laughing and glad. Better to realize now and move on than later. I'm ready to take on learning Dr. Harley's concepts to find real love. Thanks for the topic again. I hope that your WS will come around and I wish you both the best.

Well, I think the bell has started to toll for WW. When confronted with the incredibly hurtful lies she started, WW was quickly defensive and started back-pedaling. To bad she had no where to go. She burned so many bridges and hurt so many friends and loved ones in the last 24 hrs that her life looks like downtown Bagdad! Is that a searchlight comming through the fog, I see??? Not sure, but she appears to be close to rock bottom right now. I had to take the kids off her hands for the night (and maybe the weekend too)because she can't cope right now with anything. Given her history as a cake-eater, I'm not letting my guard down. She even proposed transfering custody of the kids back to me, she's feels so screwed up (at least for now). I'll definantly get something legal in writting to supplement our sep agreement before I commit to anything. I don't want her comming back next month trying to take the kids back. In the mean time I think we will just try to get her through the weekend, and into individual counseling next week (she actual said she wants to go. We'll see next week).

I was pretty impressed with the results of only 4 days in Plan B (actually, it was her own doing that caused the colapse). But, I'll have to see if it lasts or if the foghorn sounds again. It has taken me too long and I suffered to much pain to get to where I'm at now, emotionaly. There is no way I'm giving the high ground. Plan B will continue on course, with no exceptions for the present time.

Given her current condition, any recovery is still probably a ways off. She has many personnal issues to resolve before I would consider re-entering the mix.

I can't tell how good it feels to finally be in a position of power now! Plan A with a cake-eater sucks big time!

For now I'm going to reserve judgement until I know this is a legit break through and not just a break in the clouds. I'm going to sleep good tonight, with my kids by my side!!

OK,

WW came over this A.M. to get the kids so I could go to work and they could go to school. We talked briefly and she thanked me profussley for watching the kids last night. I told her that I would pick up the kids directley from day care tonight, but needed to know where she was going to leave thier suitcase. Without being reminded of my NC request, she said she would leave it out on her porch for me to pick up, and she would arange to be gone when I got there. Is she finally taking this seriously?? I told her to leave it outside and not worry about disappearing.

She is supose to schedule her IC appointment today (smart move), and is starting to show some remorse. As much as I wanted to coddle her and support her, I was able to stay detatached and impartial. She awknowneleged and appoligized for screwing everything in all of our lives, knows she needs help, and is tired of the lies and hiding from everyone and everything. I calmly welcomed her back to reallity and told her to step out of the clouds, take her lumps and move on with it. Lifes to short. Her family has been very concerned and supportive for me over since they heard the truth about everything the other day, and they respect and agree with path I'm taking. As much as they want to comfort her as well, we all agree that she is going to need to land on her a**, before she can helped or pick herself up.

As far as OM is concerned, she insists they just friends now (where have I heard that before), and he has a new girlfriend (oh yeah, I confirmed he got fired on Monday). I suppose thats posible. I told her I didn't care if they were friends, and they can stay friend as long as they want. Right up until the day she wants to have something to do with me, and talk about the future. Until that time, I am not going budge, nor should I have to.

Things are looking better right now. But I have no intention of getting sucker punched.

hang, again, did you give her a plan B letter?

I really would not be discussing ANYTHING with her right now, in plan B you are supposed to go dark. Here I am giving you advice and I was one of the biggest violators, but at least that is what they say you are supposed to do.

When my W calls now in regards to my son or finances, I let her complete what she has to say and simply say good bye and hang up, I dont discuss anything with her.

But, what you are doing seems to be working and how do you argue with success?.

Please remember, the WS will lie their a**es off about everything, do not believe anything she says at this point.

The friendship speach, right, that is one of the most abused lines there is. A friendship with the OP after a A is like a coke addict hanging with the people he used to do the drugs with cause they were good people, sooner or later it's going to be right back to square one. If you say anything to her it should be that she is to have NC at all with the OP.

Hang in there hangon, keep posting as to how it's going, I like to see atleast some success stories, and yours seems to be going in the right direction.

Good luck buddy.....

DaRookie

Rookie,

I hear you, dude.

Yes, I gave WW the Plan B letter 5 days ago. I can't go totally dark until I make sure my kids are protected. I did make it clear to her that communication outside of direct support of the children will not be accepted. I want to catcher her as she is falling, but I don't want give up the driver seat after being a cake-eaters wet-dream for the last 6 weeks. The two or three brief conversations since the breakdown( less than 10 minutes total) have been to determine a disposition for the kids, and for me to make sure she's not a danger to herself (without feeling sorry for her). It's not as much fun to watch her crumble, as I thought it would be. Very sobering, infact. As soon as I have the kids secured though...Out go the lights!

I talked to MIL this A.M. She is concerned about WW's condition, but knows there's nothing she can do. I reassured her that I would not let anything bad happen (physically) to her D, and she would probably be able to call her tonight Last night she was just too out of it.

But you're right. Believe none of what you hear, and less than 50% of what you see from a WS! Everything has to be performance based!

I'm sure the OM/friend topic will come up at some point down the road. But it will be a simple yes/no proposition. Perhaps WW/OM will have moved on before that decision has to be made. But NC is the only way to go, and any good counselor will tell her the same. Pick the one that is most important. It would be nice if she could understand that on her own, and make that decision without reservation. But thats asking a lot for someone that is thinking like a WS. Take Care!

Time to call the attorney and talk about modifying the custody portion of our sep agreement. Take care.