Plan B started yesterday morning and today I got 20 calls from WW trying to talk. Ignored all and told intermediary when she called to have WW refer to PBL.

This is going to be a wild ride - I think - but I am definitely up to it now and hope to stay that way. It is better for me now, than plan A was. It at least gives me some sort of minimal control over my destiny.

Any advice or experience or what to expect will be greatly appreciated

Stayin' dark.

DD

I can only speak from experience, yep let the calls begin, my WW went on a calling spree also. Keep a record of the calls, times and what she says, if she is anything like my WW a move further down the road will include a order of protection claiming YOU were the one harrassing her.

I love the coffee man's line, the opposite of love is not hate it is indifferance, by not accepting her crap anymore she does take it as indifferance, she is probably used to having you jump thtough hoops trying to please her and it is driving her nuts.

Hang in there.

DaRookie

Devastated - I've been in Plan B for almost 6 weeks. It has not brought my WH back. Instead Ow has moved in with him. At first I got constant calls from him, and he was always coming over. But I stayed NC with one slip. In the last three weeks I have not heard from him at all. But the good part of Plan B is that I have been able to emotionally detach and move on with my life. I am off the rollercoaster, and it feels so good. Stay in Plan B and don't give in to attempts to contact you. She needs to realize what life will be like without you.

Rookie - sorry to hear about Dv. Thank you for the advice and I was jumping through hoops in plan A. I am more comfortable now and hope it gets better as time goes on.

Believer - I wish my WW would move in with OM so they could get a taste of reality but I think he just wants this as a part time deal and won't give up at home for fear of losing too much. I hope plan B gets me off the rollercoaster too.

Thank you both. I am stayin' dark.

DD

devastated - Stay in Plan B. For me the first couple weeks were the hardest. Now it is easy for me, and day by day I'm getting happpier and happier. I no longer get stressed about what WH and OW are doing. I do talk to her H and get updates, but it does not hurt like it did. Also it has freed up my time and emotions to make positive changes in my life. Plan B is much more than NC - it is also about moving forward. Good luck and don't give up.

Been in PlanB and NC mode for almost three weeks here, since I heard of H's plans to marry his floozy. I went NC immediately after calling him on the phone and asking if it were true he is thinking of marrying her? I'd then told him *goodbye forever*. He called me two days later, a total of three times ~ I ignored those calls. A week later, I backslid and called him, just to inform him that he could still see our daughter, but that I was no longer allowing him to take our daughter, aged eight, to his and OW's shackup. This didn't please him and think this could be the reason as to why now he isn't phoning in regard to our daughter, because he can no longer take her to OW's. Some caring father huh??

For eight months I ENABLED his affair, I aint going to any longer!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I sent PlanB letter the same day by post.

Since then and for two whole weeks we have had NC at all. I have heard nothing from him at all, likewise he has heard nothing from me. So its been:

Two weeks ~ No Contact
Three weeks ~ I have not recieved child support.
Four weeks ~ since our last face to face contact.
Seven weeks ~ since he last saw our daughter.

I'm recieving no child support because it's his way of hitting back at me, because he can't take our D to OW's <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

......and this is behaviour from a WS who wavered between I and the OW constantly in the first five months of him leaving ~ seems he's made his final choice.

PlanB helps you detach more and get on with your own life.

<small>[ November 15, 2003, 12:13 PM: Message edited by: Lianne37 ]</small>

Believer - thanks for the support. I can't wait until I don't think about her and OM but I do think there maybe a life for me at the end of the tunnel.

Lianne - thank you for the support also. I am sorry you have to endure this pain. It seems much harder when one is so dependent on the WS for financial support. People can be so cruel.

Today is day 3 for plan B. Came home about 1300 from running errands with youngest and WW was waiting. I drop D off at driveway and tell her to call me when WW leaves.

Park at grocery, read book, cell rings a little later with call from home. Thinking it might be D I answer and WW starts to talk - I hang up.

Calls 6 more times I ignore calls. Finally go home, she's gone. D says Mom wants to talk. I explain again that is fine but I gave her the letter that explains how and when and it has been her Moms way for 2 months and now it has to be my way.

I tried to access my bank account on line and guess what? Apparently she has been trying too and since she doesn't know the new pass word it locked her out (and me too) Now the sh***t will hit the fan when she finally realizes I got the MONEY. She cannot see 2 days in front of her FOG - FOG - FOG

Can't wait to see what day 4 brings.

Stayin' dark - DD

I know how difficult it is to go with Plan B i have been there for three weeks especially as there are children are involved. My children are 10 and 6 at the moment the 10 year old refuses to spend time with H and OW and has not done so for three weeks now. The 6 year old has spend the night at their place and seems content. How do you not have contact with WH if you have to discuss children. I actually do not speak to him when he comes to pick up and collect the children but discuss them via email is this breaking the plan b rule. I do agree that plan b does get you focused on yourself and making changes for yourself getting yourself back on track but yes it is hard.

feelingit - Thank you for your concern. My children are older and some things (cheer schedules) I just make sure their mom and I don't go to the same games. She still tries to "talk" but it hasn't been a week yet and I avoid her at all costs.

The E-mail thing concerning the kids is allowed I believe. You might check General Questions for some discussion on that or ISGirl has a plan B thread there too which is very informative.

Anyway day 4 for me was relatively uneventful as the WW only tried to contact me once. But today already she has E-mailed me as to how rotten I am to take the girls to a counselor. (today after school - first time) I do read the E-mails but don't respond at all or tell the kids I read them.

Stayin' dark. DD

DD Good on you for getting to day 4 it does get easier I have been NC for about two weeks now and I feel a lot better focusing on myself. It still doesn't mean that I don't think about h and ow but it is getting easier not to be angry all the time. I just hope I am there to see him fall and come out of the fog. Perhaps he won't and h will stay with OW and be happy but I am not going to let him get me down.

feelingit, I think that is the dream we all have here is watching the crash and burn of our WS's and the OP's A, I have dreams of it, fantasize about it, cant wait for it......

DaRookie

But do you think it will really hapen and should we car at all. Perhaps we shouldjust concentrate on ourselves and our happiness.

Plan B for 6 weeks now and it gets better and better. H is living with OW and barely making it financially, which makes me smile. However I am getting happier and happier every day. Also I hardly think about them. I am over the horrible fury I was in, and now just a little mad. Some days I even hope he has a happy life. Can you believe it?

feelingit, rookie, believer

This is easier now than plan A was for me. It seems the on again off again - up and down with the WW in plan A was getting to me. I seems to level out now.

We all want them to crash and burn and to see them fall and come out of the fog but it's not as important now to me as it was a few weeks ago.

I think back and she was right - we had a crappy marraige the last few years. I am concentrating on me and the kids and avoiding her. Feeling emotionally stronger each day (so far)

Days 5 & 6 were relatively uneventful. She did confirm on monday that I had her taken off the bank account and sent me a nasty e-mail today. She told my D her version and at dinner my D complained that I wouldn't let mom have any money. I think she understood when I told her that money was for the family and her mother had $1300 - $1700 a month allowance to spend on anything she wanted. (sister doesn't charge her rent and all she pays is groceries there)

Anyway can't wait to see how day 7 goes.

Stayin' dark. DD

I think it is brilliant that we are all getting much better and beginning to cope better. There is nothing more important than ourselves, if we are alright then we can be the best for our children. I say hurry up and let all the pain and anger be gone. It is definately not us that have the problem and we will be better off in the long run.

Hi DD,

I'm so glad that you are feeling the strength.It is a nice change from some of your other recent posts.Keep staying dark.Way to go!

No matter what W does from now on,you are the stronger person,you will survive and be there for your kids. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Keep us posted.

October <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

"Fasten your seatbelts,it's going to be a bumpy night!"

feelingit
Octobergirl

Thank you for your concern. Having been here you know how important the support is.

The sooner the pain and anger is gone the sooner the healing begins. I find I still have a lot of anger (from the pain I suppose) and it surfaces from time to time. Usually I just vent to one of my friends and I'm fine.

I am stronger and this Plan B suits me better than Plan A

I did almost freak out on day 7 as WW e-mail to me said she told kids about A and other nasty things about me (See General Questions for post) and that she would probably come home this week and I could deal with it or leave (no end of A).

Think it was big bluff but checking with my Attny to see if I can prevent that since plan B won't work with her there.

Did get whacked with 2x4 by Cerri for reading the e-mails to me instead of blocking them. Will block them now, that 2x4 hurts.

Today - day 8 - was uneventful and I feel much better and back up to full strength (as full as it gets nowadays) Each day I feel a little stronger emotionally.

Thanks for checking on me.

Stayin' dark. DD

Way to go everyone. Let's all stick together in the dark. Even when I see H's kids and they ask about him, I just say that I haven't seen him, and then I change the subject. They are coming around to see me more, which makes me very happy since I helped raise them. For a long time they stayed away. I really think Plan B is going to get me on the road to recovery - probably without H. But it is so wonderful to be off the rollercoaster.

Day 9 relatively uneventful but I found out from mole in her family she talked to DV attny.

Day 10 I meet with intermediary to re-explain my position and clear up some things. WW has note with possible holiday arraignements and other requests and I tell intermediary this note thing through her works good, WW doesn't have to contact me directly at all. Leave WW note requesting more $$ and please don't contact me for anything, go through kids for schedules and intermediary for other things. Thought it went well.

I get home and WW is there packing up more of her things. I call her cell (where is my head) and tell her to call me when she leaves but also make the mistake of not driving out of site. Here she comes, b****in' about me cancelling her credit card, shutting her out of bank account says has to talk about effect having on kids, might move back in, etc.

I say she had 14 months to think about effect on kids and just now realizes how bad is is on them.

Drove off waited 4 hours for her to finally leave. Don't know what all she took.

Anyway one of her "requests" is to have kids 3 or 4 nights a week ( those I work late). I say her attny wants her to maintain the kids for 1/2 or more of time to establish primary custody and enable her to get back in house. Anyone heard of this?

My attny (who I talked to 2 days ago)says she can legally move back in house and without filing for legal separation or D there is nothing I can do (short a TRO and I don't have grounds)

The week-ends are gonna be a problem because OM goes home to wife and kids and she has nothing to do but harrass me.

Roller coasters never were fun for me!

I'm figurin' this plan B can go about 2 more months at the outside. Dv looking better.

Stayin' dark. DD

update

Thanksgiving was day 15 of plan B and it went good. WW dropped them off at house last night as I had hoped and we got up and made the whole turkey dinner and it went very well. In fact the last few days have gone well with no overt attempts by WW to contact me.

She apparently whined to kids that I was a 'jerk' cause I didn't want her over Christmas morning. I explained that Christmas morning is for the DD family and since she chose to leave the family she would not be welcome. She should go spend Christmas morning with OM and his wife and kids (bad dad). She will have them Christmas Eve , and Christmas day evening.

Middle kid hid her stocking so oldest couldn't hang it with others as we were putting up Christmas decorations in the afternoon.

So I am feeling pretty well as the kids have gone over to WW home for another T-day dinner this evening and I will be home alone. Might work out, might just watch T.V.

Hope you all have a great T-day and I do pray for you.

Stayin' dark. DD