My WW and I have been separated for 3.5 months now after discovering her A with a co-worker. The A has been off and on this whole time (cake-eating). My WW has custody of our 2 S's 9&5, per our sep agreement . Out of the blue my W says she has decided we need to Dv, and she wants it over with quickly. We already have a sep agreement (not filed with the courts yet)so Dv would only take about 30 days after filing.

I just found out while overhearing a conversation between my son and his grandmother (W's Mom)that WW is planning to move in the very near future to a house convieniantly located just down the street from OM's house. My son also said that the third bedroom would have an extra bed for OM's son (6) to sleep in when he visits. So, obviously co-habitation is in the near future. This move would require the kids to switch schools for the third time this year. My oldest has aready voiced concerns about OM spending so much time at WW house, but his Mother refuses to discuss the issue with him. Furthermore, my WW is not financialy stable/responsible. Besides child support, she has been barowwing money from friends and recieveing support from OM. She can't afford the 900 SqFt apt she is now, and no doubt will not be able to afford the new house which is much larger, without being dependant on OM financially.

I can't allow my WW to drag our children along on her search for happiness. Everyone around her, including her family, who she refuses to talk to since I expose her A to them, can see she's not making decisions with the best interests of the kids in mind. She is looking out for her needs first/only.

My question is: How do you re-negotiate custody in a situation like this without LBing? Is it possible? Or, should I just expect it to get really messy (court battle).

My family is willing to support me financialy should a court battle errupt, and my WW knows this. She doesn't have access to those kind of resources, and knows I could easily outlast her in a battle. I don't want to subject the kids to anymore conflict/confussion than they already have been. My situation is much more stable than hers, finacially, emotionally, domesticly and morally.

As much as I wanted to avoid this and try to save our mariage, I'm afraid it's time to "take off the gloves" and get down to business.

She doesn't have an attorney and can't afford one for a contested Dv. My attorney drew-up our serparation agreement and maintains the orginal document awaitting my decision. I am going to meet with him next week to discuss my options.

I didn't want the Dv in the first place, but now it's appearant that my WW has every intention of dragging our kids along on her "soul-searching" expedition, no matter where it leads, or what it does to them.

Any thoughts or opinions???

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"How do you re-negotiate custody in a situation like this without LBing? Is it possible? Or, should I just expect it to get really messy (court battle)."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Expect and prepare for the worse (hopefully it won't come to that) because it is time for you to take the gloves off and do whatever is legally necessary to ensure the wellbeing of your children. If that means a messy court battle because she won't agree to reasonable terms that put the best interests of the children first then SO BE IT. Go for full custody for even though the odds may not be with you, there is always the chance that you may get it and then she will have to pay you child support. Keep in mind that you are not doing this for revenge or payback against her but to ensure that you are doing everything in your power to safeguard your children's best interests.

TMCM- Thanks for the words.

tonight My oldest son(9)spoke up to the WW and told her he didn't feel comfortable at her place with the OM hanging around, and would be even more uncomfortable if he were living with them together.

For the first time in 3.5 months my WW made a genuinely caring dicision. She told my son he could live with me if he wanted, because she wants him to be happy. We will make the move over T-Day weekend.

I'm not too crazy about separating the two of them, they are brothers after all, but I will take what I can get, with the least amount of blood shed (court battle).

Perhaps my W will think a little more carefully about what she is doing, now that her first born is "jumping ship" on the whole deal.

hangon, dont mistake her motives for concern over your son, perhaps she knows that the little guy does not like the OP and is going to let him know, kids are honest and that would put a few leaks in the love boat for her and threaten her relationship with the OP.

Concern for her son?, not as I see it, if she was concerned she never would have started a A in the first place.

Go for it, lock and load, if you have the resources and the family backing you. If you get the custody of one son dont you think the courts are going to see the damage done by seperating the boys and the possibility you will be awarded both?.

I was in the opposite position of you, it was her parents that have the financial resources to engage in the custody battle, I didnt.

Also, definetley look into the statutes of your state, here in Illinois, the best I could do was throw a hook into the situation by getting the verbage into the Dv settlement that my son will not be present when the OP is spending the night (member of the opposite sex) unless the W marries him, in turn the OP's W did the same as I. Knowing the OP's W well, she and I arrainged that on the weekend I have my son, her H has their son, theefore there is not a weekend that they dont have one boy or the other, meaning that they do not have a weekend where they (the W and the OP) can spend the night together. Did not cost a penny to include that and totally enforceable by the courts.

Good luck hangon.

BTW did you guys catch the Bears game???? I thought the coaching staff was supposed to allow their team every opportunity to win a game, management of the time clock and play calls seemed to clearly indicate they dont.

DaRookie