I was just listening to a song about a woman in pain because of her husband leaving her for someone else (Dixie Chicks). <P>I've always felt some underlying guilt for what pain I may be causing someone else...but when I heard this song I felt the kind of pain for the OMs wife that I've been feeling for myself for so long. I also had a dream the other night that I was hanging out with the OMs wife and she forgave me for what I did, but didn't realize that I still wanted her husband.<P>I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm starting to really grasp the amount of pain I've been causing someone else.<P>I've said before that the OM and his sister never painted a pretty picture of his wife and I've witnessed how insensitive she can be to him at times...I guess I felt I had the right to bud in and take it upon myself to fullfil his needs.<P>I thought I was doing him a favor and never took her feelings into consideration because I felt she never really liked her husband anyway...why would she care!<P>The hardest part about letting the OM go is that I keep thinking that his wife isn't making him happy and I still think I can save him from what I keep imagining is a horrible place for him to be...I'm sure I'm dead wrong!<P>I've never been betrayed by my husband...I can only imagine how it must feel.

Holly:<P>Bravo for having the guts to admit that YOUR pain isn't the only pain. It's hard, I'm sure feeling your OWN pain as well as the pain of everyone else involved.<P>I'm glad you and OM came to your senses and stopped the affair. It was bad news. Thanks for sharing your concern for the OM's wife. Us betrayed often feel like our betrayers and their OP's often don't understand OUR pain, nor do they "seem" to care sometimes. It's refreshing to hear a betrayer admit her concern for the MP's spouse.<P>I'm sure, to some, it may ring hollow, but I'm glad you're experiencing it. At least now you know the enormity of your actions.<P>God bless, and keep working on it!<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P><BR>

Holly-<BR>First, let me say that I have been following your story since you posted a couple of weeks ago and I am so encouraged by your journey. I have watched as you have struggled w/your own pain while attempting to work on marriage. And now, you are starting to realize ALL of the ramifications of an affair. I am happy that you came here for support, and STAYED. This shows the courage that you have to tackle the battle before you.<P>But as "honorable" as one's intentions may be, as you can see now, the ramifications are tremendous. The betrayed are left wondering, if it was sooo bad, why didn't he tell me so we could work on it OR if it was so bad, why didn't he leave, etc. What was or maybe was not, a bad situation, is only made more difficult when a third party is introduced into it. It may take years for a couple and their family to recover from this, if they recover at all. Not to mention the OP and their family who also has to deal w/the fallout. I don't think anyone would question your right to happiness, the question to anyone involved in an affair is, at what cost? <P>You are now experiencing a "taste" of what the betrayed experienced. You love your OM but he has returned to his wife. The loss, guilt, anger, and all the different emotions you feel are the same as the betrayed, only much more instense. Just as you want to "save" him from her, she wants to "save" him from you. <P>Holly, please continue to focus on you and your marriage. He and his wife, and his extended family it appears, have a lot to deal with. Put your energy toward saving Holly. I know you will get through this.<P>Good Luck and God Bless!<P>

Holly,<BR>Your post really struck home with me, because I first heard that Dixie Chicks song shortly before my H left, and I can barely listen to it even now without crying. I often wonder if his OW ever feels even a twinge of guilt, but I doubt it.

Holly, I'm right there with you. I feel sick about it. Maybe these thoughts will help keep you strong enough to stay away from the OM. I hope so, for all involved.

Hi Holly,<BR>Sounds to me like you are a good person with a good heart. We all make wrong choices but you seem to care greatly about others feelings. You made me feel better just reading your post.<BR>Bless you and take care.<P>------------------<BR>alleyoop<BR>

Thanks for your replies...hopefully this change of heart will help me to move on...it's not easy though...I'm still aching to pick up the phone and call him.

It does sound as if you are beginning to understand the depth of hurt & pain from the other side.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I've witnessed how insensitive she can be to him at times<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>How insensitive is he to her for having an affair? No need to answer. Just something to think about.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Chris (CA123)--<BR>She was insensitive first...she had an affair with his best friend.<P>Okay, that's not necessary to bring up...but I thought I'd explain myself even more.

I think it extremely relevant. Some people feel the need to "get back" in some way at a spouse who had an affair.

you know, sometimes i would like to believe that my OW is just really feeling so much guilt, that that is why she called me to tell me im a terrible mother, it is my fault H scr#wed her, and i should get on with my life. why do i doubt it? <BR>Holly, thank you. I know it is hard, but you are doing the right thing.<P>------------------<BR>for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.<P><BR>