J how are you? Are you ok? How's it been going?

Busy busy busy. Spent most of the weekend planning out our new bedroom. I pretty much took control of the furniture part project which she loved. Things are ok, At our last therapy session we talked more about our bad communication and what has contributed to it. We got to talking about what essentially is DJ's and how it affects our M and her personal relationships. The MC also recommended a book to her to learn about committment and she agreed to read it. She is also exploring the source of her loneliness.

W got a temp job which is good. Since its clerical/data entry work she's not too thrilled about it but she's happy for the small extra income that will cover her tuition should she get accepted into school. And its something to do rather than being trapped at home.

I'm hanging in there, trying to keep myself going at work and at home. Certainly all of the activity is helping keep things positive.

Just the fact that we are paying attention to each others is making a big difference. I am very grateful that she is making an effort.

I'm trying to not get to emotionally enwrapped in it. I'm happy that we are working on our home together as is she and I am pursuing my own activities as well while trying to not threaten the amount of time we spend together.

Your last post was very encouraging. I'm hope that it continues to help. I remember when I frist found MB, it was this godsend and it gave me a lot of hope that W and I could really resolve the A and issues in the M. It was very different and difficult to actually walk the path. I'm glad to see you are walking the path again.

J.

<small>[ March 30, 2004, 06:22 PM: Message edited by: jgnc ]</small>

free: sounds like you are doing much better! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If anything I've been acting more angrily and he has been acting more defensive as a result. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...proving Page's point that any change you make will affect your S and change their behaviour...cause and effect...

glad to hear that things are progressing for you...are you guys separated though? Or just spending more time apart?

J: good to hear the news on your front too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Keeping busy is such an excellent tonic...

awed

W got into grad school.

Happy!Happy!Joy!Joy!

Hi J.

Hip, Hip Hooray!!!! for the MRS. Glad to hear the news. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

awed and J Thank you for your encouragement.

J, Glad to hear that MC is helping you both and that my last post was encouraging. I identify in some areas with your wife. I think that many times personal issues have to be resolved, which can sometime clouds one's judgement. I think it is wonderful that she has a willing and supportive partner in you to be there for her.

As for me, a lot of the work in my M will have to be done singularly by me. None-the-less, I am at the task of figuring out what personal issues are in my way. My hope is to deal with things that cause me to blame my H or expect so much of him when the answers I'm expecting are from within. Anyway not that he is a saint. But that is another issue another post.

I know keeping busy is important. I'm doing so as well.

awed, My H and I are not seperated. Just apart for a time. We'll be back together soon. Hopefully I'll be able to show a different side when we are together again.

ok, I need a little help.

Although we were both exhausted last night was a good night. As soon as I found out her good news I organized as many friends as I could find and put together a congratulatory dinner. When we got home we didn't spend much time together because of how tired she was.

Today when I got into work I noticed that she was logged in to her chat program. She is never logged in. If she is she is in "ghost mode" so that OM cannot know she is logged in but stillchat w/ me at work. Since she is working now we don't chat during the day so no need for her to be logged in. But today I see her logged in. She had to have logged in last night. The are only 2 persons she chatted with regularly, me and OM. If I go home and check the logs and find nothing... well it doesn't mean anything since in the past she did erase those logs.

I could be making too much out of this, I did have to reboot her computer last night and it could have logged her in automatically.

On the other hand she could just not have been able to resist telling OM her good news. Afterall she decided to pursue this degree largely in part to OM's encouragement.

J

I'm not quite sure how to repsond. Typically, one could think the worse, not that you are, but there is the possibilty that she was chatting with OM.

Either way, now is a time to be calm cool and collected, or at least as calm as you can be regardless. You guys have made good strides so you don't want to blow your lid and forget about all the has transpired. At the same time you don't want to upset yourself either Whether she talked to him or not.

But thinking about it rationally, if she has called the OM to inform him of the good news, then what does that mean to you? Ultimately it doesn't have to be the end of the world or an end to what has happened between the two of you. Though it might be upsetting for you (or not) you will be ok.

If she has called him does it have to mean a setback? Well it definitely isn't the ideal, but it doesn't have to mean a set back either. It doesn't have to mean that she doesn't really take seriously what is happening between you. SO basically your main point will be to keep focus then decide what you would like to do next.

If it is that the PC automatically logged on then you'd feel weird if you got upset. If it is that she talked to OM, than perahps once you've calmed down you can find a way to calmly and considerately inquire of her about it. And it could be that if she has, that she may tell you first. All in all, it is your party (so to speak), your choice how to react from here. But you want to at your best. SO if your are becoming slightly upset or anxious, try to figure out why but not allow those feeligns to steal a good oppurtunity for calm, dialog.

If you aren't upset but concerned then try to again make a good oppurtunity of dialog. Oh yeah you may seem a little suspicious and untrusting if you ask her about it. But explain that you are asking her because you are still a little shaky and just want to be secure. Or perhaps you may choose not to do anything at this point. Your ball, your corner. Hope this helped and made sense. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'm rooting for you J.

<small>[ April 01, 2004, 04:10 PM: Message edited by: freetobe ]</small>

Freetobe,

Thanks for the perspective. As I expected there is nothing to indicate contact and it could have easily just been the result of the reboot. I think I will just let it go.

Actually..

During last MC we came to see that part of our problems communicating was my not trusting that she would stay calm and not LB if I brought up something sensitive and therefore have kept a lot to myself so maybe I should bring it up and talk through my feelings rather than have a miniscule nagging doubt.

J.

J: first-off...awesome news!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Please pass along my sincere congrats to your W...

now down to work: please talk to your W!!! (if you haven't already done so...)

here&#8217;s what I do...I wait...I wait several days until I KNOW I can handle myself...I don&#8217;t just mean not yelling (I can do that all the time now) but I mean really HANDLE myself...

first I tell myself what the worst news could be and then I practice my answers...I identify and eliminate any DJs inherent in or underlying my answers...then I find ways to express my FEELINGS, and only my feelings...

once I&#8217;ve done that, then I am ready to confront...I don&#8217;t even like that word...to discuss ...

don&#8217;t accuse, that&#8217;s tricky but important...she may well get defensive (which does not necessarily mean she&#8217;s guilty!) in which case you calmly explain why you thought she might be in contact with OM...what you observed and how that made you feel...

if possible, you should also validate her feelings too...

for example, if she says: you are always watching me, every move I make, I feel trapped! You could say something like: I&#8217;m sorry to hear it feels that way...it must be tough...

if she&#8217;s open to it (ie. not sensitive that you are "educating" her), you can go on to add: every good marriage has accountability at its core...my whereabouts/activities need to be just as open as yours are...this isn&#8217;t about punishment, it is one of the measures we are taking to ensure that our marriage is strong and healthy in the future...I want to keep working WITH you so that we can be happy and relaxed with each other in the future...it will feel strange for a while, but as our habits change, we won&#8217;t even notice! I love you...

hope some of this helps...

whatever else you do, please don&#8217;t ignore your gut...you will &#8220;stifle&#8221; (remember Edith?) and that is not good for you, for your feelings for your W, and hence for your M...

in addition, you may be right about renewed contact in which case it would be a bad idea to ignore it &#8211; bad to avoid confronting your W...she needs help with accountability...you are working as a team...

free: now there&#8217;s the free I&#8217;ve come to know (a little bit) and respect so highly!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

great advice...you are obviously starting to feel more like your old self again... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

if you have time, perhaps you should consider posting again...I think it helps for others to hear from someone further down the road...but don&#8217;t if you can&#8217;t handle it, if it harms your recovery in any way...

I don&#8217;t find that to be the case for me but lots of other people have posted those feelings...be wary...don&#8217;t help others at the expense of yourself and your M...

actually, I remember mentioning this to you in e-mail once...I post "positively" because I think that is helpful...when I am going through a rough time, usually I don&#8217;t post but I vent with someone in person or on the phone...

then I read here to gain insight...once I&#8217;ve learned something, I try and share that insight with others...

of course, some people &#8220;hear&#8221; and others don&#8217;t...but my point is that perhaps because I post positively, I can&#8217;t help but benefit from the posting...it renews my own positive can-do attitude...

I have lots of down times, and down days...those are inevitable...I&#8217;m an impatient person though &#8211; I want instant gratification! (you can see how recovery is teaching me a LOT about patience!)...so I find the time-delay of the boards too frustrating...I tend to vent with someone in person or on the phone...luckily no one has told me to buzz off yet!

have an awesome weekend you two! keep up all the good work...awed

Hi awed. Glad to hear from you. I know you and J are so busy. Hi J. How are you?

Glad to hear that you confirmed NC with W and OW. How are things going now?

Awed thanks for the compliment. Yes, I am very slow to post to others. A part of my new discovery and recovery is to be slow to comment. I have observed that many times I am a quick study when I'm seeking knowledge but I am slow to apply concepts to my life. SO I feel that I've gotta be more committed to learning and growing first before I make comments. I have put a few little opinion seeking post out here but I'm taking my time before I try to post to others. I want to learn to allow concepts to become fruitful in my life first.

BTW I need perspective from you guys on an issue that set me back a little recently. I saw a friend of my H. As matter of fact one who is very close to him. When I saw him he didn't know that some very important things had trandspired between my H and I. things that you tell your friends. Well this makes me upset and concerned. I'm wondering if my H didn't reveal these things because he isn't happy about what has occured between us. I feel soem hurt that he hasn't reveal these very important thigns to someone that I know he respects. Therefore I wonder is this because he doesn't respect me. I'm open to any perspective that might help. Thanks.

Hi free:

one last comment about posting -- please keep in mind that I am not trying to pressure you to do so!

however, I need to comment on what you just said...you don't have to have the answers for anyone...you can be honest in that you are struggling too...but I believe you have a very good grasp of the importance of controlling your emotional reactions, the price you pay when you don't, how to go about accomplishing this huge task (ie. changing yourself and your perspective)...

this can motivate others to do the same...to understand that it is a long struggle, hard to do, difficult to see or REMEMBER the long-term goal...

to share your experiences with others in a community that is struggling to overcome daily hardship in the name of love and commitment, against significant societal odds...

to articulate the personal growth possible and the blessing this brings -- unlooked-for, unseen at the start -- to your life, for the rest of your life...

the changes in me that so many people see, externally...the incredible strength I feel and can rely on internally...I would not trade these accomplishments for the past, even though it hurt like h*ll to get here...unless I could do so in exchange for a far-distant past that would allow me to re-shape so much of the last few years...and arrive at this same place without the pain and fire (can any personal growth of this depth/magnitude be achieved without such suffering? Many argue NO...but that's another debate altogether!)

OT: I have to tell you that my H interpreted this same remark from me as wanting to change my decision to marry him in the first place <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ...not at ALL!!! It would be to know what I know now, to have the skills I have now, to build and maintain a strong M, to treat others with respect and honour despite any horrific treatment they mete out to you...to finally absorb and fully understand that this is MY choice...not a reflection of a doormat (ie. standing up for myself)...this is the true "standing up for myself"...the true embodiment of "two wrongs don't make a right" no matter what the provocation...

anyhow free...enough philosophical rambling from me early in the morning... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

my point is simply this: you have a lot of hard-earned wisdom now that you can share with others...sharing is a gift you can give to others...

Okay, regarding your situation with H: I'll give you some hard-earned advice myself!

Don't assume!!! Your H may be hiding his feelings, he may feel uncomfortable talking with his friend, he may have said things to his friend that he is now mortified by (feel free to chime in here J...guys bury lots of stuff right?)...

**edit** is a communications expert...her writings on the differences between men and women is amazing stuff...anyhow, basically we women share while men have pyramids...which is one of the reasons why men often say they tell women things they would never tell men, while the opposite is often true for women (they tell their close friends more than they tell their SOs).

that is doubly the reason for NO ASSUMPTIONS...you have no idea why he might not have told his friend something...you will make all kinds of gender-specific assumptions in reaching a conclusion...

let me give you a real-life example: my H did not tell a friend something I considered significant...

here's how I handle the situation: I track this, and put it into my "infidelity database" (my head!) for processing along with all the other facts and daily observations...

in other words, this could mean something or it might not mean anything...in combination with other information, it may lead me to a conclusion that I could test, either through talking to my H, or by doing further exploration...

what it does NOT represent is a reason to worry, to be concerned about (in and of itself) or for treating my H any differently than if I did not have this information...

when this same friend subsequently told me that a real breakthrough conversation was described to him as "the same old sh*t", I phoned my mom and vented...she pointed out (as I had already realized by that point!) that this likely meant that it was the "same old sh*t" that H was going through, that he's sick of himself and his actions...

this was the likeliest interpretation...not that he was saying that I was giving him the same old sh*t, or that the breakthrough I felt we'd reached was in any way jeopardized or meant nothing (ie. he was just giving me lip-service)...

this analysis was later proved correct...we did achieve a breakthrough...and he hadn't told his friend, even though that friend would have given him all kinds of positive feedback...

so why didn't he say anything to him??? and why did he describe a critical conversation as the "same old ****"???

who knows!!!!...one thing I've learned is that while my curiosity wants me to ask him, chances are he'll say he doesn't know himself...so I let it go as water under the bridge for now...unless it becomes part of a pattern...in which case I'll deal with it at that point...

important bit: if I had reacted negatively to his lack of sharing info with a close friend, to his tossing-off of a critical discussion...it would have been bad news...likely created disharmony between us, resentment inside me, tension about me monitoring discussions between his friend and himself and me, creating a triangle of communication...already tough enough with just two!!!

does this help?

I see two options:

a) keep an open mind...ask if you can...initiate dialogue between you and your H to prevent resentment from building...be honest...how does it make you feel...just state it and leave it...he doesn't need to respond, he doesn't need to explain...just let him know how you feel...

b) or let it ride...

your choice...

learn yourself best free...if it is going to continue to rub you the wrong way, if you are going to worry it like a dog with a bone...then talk about it and release it instead...

cheerio to you my friend...awed

Hi J! Hope all's well...

It is my experience that men generally don't share w/ other men very much. We are just not socialized that way. If I tell something personal and important to any of my guy friends I will generally get a blank stare in return. I think that confiding something personal implies a sort of closeness that isn't supposed to exist bwtn guys. There is also the fact that men just aren't supposed to care about certain thing so we try to look 'tough'. So generally we keep things bottled up. Of course there are exceptions, some of my geek friends are easier to talk to but I think that geeks are a bit more emotionally aware than most men. I can't really offer much more than Awed already has. The kinds of things that you may share w/ a friend are probably quite different than the kinds of things he would share w/ a friend, even a close friend.

Anyways, the first part of the weekend was pretty good, the second half was rotten. We spent fri and sat night w/ friends. Sat morning I talked to her about what I suspected and she put my mind at ease, she had absolutely no problem talking about it. Later in the day W was feeling pretty down until she went out dancing w/ a group of friends. I was quite happy to encourage her to go out w/out me because she needs to make those connections. I may go out w/ them next time.

Sunday I was in an horrible mood, I was so overwhelmed by the amount of work that needed to be done at home that I started to panic. I was so angry and could not tell you why. She new I was feeling bad and just would not let it go. What I wanted the most was to just hide. All of the emotions felt so alien, like I was not myself. Unfortunately she could not deal w/ my feeling bad and could not let it go. I could have fled but she would have claimed I was punishing her for something. The anti-ds are supposed to be helping with this <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

later in the evening when I was calmer W came to talk to me and confessed that she had tried to get a message to OM about her good news. It wasn't through instant messaging like I thought, she had sent him an e.mail message and she does not know if he ever got it. We spent a long time talking about how she felt. I wasn't angry at her. In fact she was surprised that I was not angry. Honestly I was grateful because its the first time that she told me something that she could have easily concealed.

today I'm so tired that I don't really know how I feel. Better I suppose

Hey J,

little breakthroughs huh? she goes up a little, you see some progress...slowly slowly...agonizingly slowly... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

how much needs to be done at the house? is this work you are doing? can you scale back and reduce stress?

and how's your work going these days? you haven't mentioned it much lately so I am hoping it's going well...

as for renewed contact, very NORMAL (not what you want to hear I know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ) but it is GREAT that she tells you...

hope this helps a bit...you sound very tired and I can relate to that too...remember this: you never know what's just around the corner...often just when you feel the most defeated is when progress is truly made...

hang in there bud...just let things ride as much as possible and focus on the good stuff...it's there you know, in each and every post you make...awed

work is getting better. Actually part of what got me into this mood is that after I had some encouraging news at work, I shared them with her and, well, nothing seems to be enough... it wasn't until 2 days later that she was able to tell me she was happy for me and even then it felt like she was only saying it because she could tell I was down.

I could scale back at home but that means postponing some projects that were pretty important to us. I think I'm trying to hard to please her. Part of the reason these projects exist is because it deposits love units in her bank. But I'm burning myself out doing it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I've been trying to figure out what caused the bad feelings yesterday. Maybe later I'll post a list of events to help sort things out in my head.

Take care,

J.

Hi awed and J

Thank you both for your post that really helped to open up my perspective. I wasn't really dying abot it but I felt upset and I knew I needed to clear my mind or find a way to deal with my concern about it.

awed
What has been happening with you lately?

I understand what you mean about posting to others better. I know that you aren't trying to insist that I do so. I didn't see it that way. I really would like to offer help to someone else if I can. I think you can learn to heal more by helping others as well as reiterate the important lessons to yourself. My concern was my own struggles as you pointed out. But you are right there is nothing wrong with admitting that one is struggling but would like to offer insight if possible. Thank you so much for encouraging me and reaching out awed in ways that always help me try a little more (thought at times I've been a stubborn mule <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ). Thanks a bunch. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Oh yeah, about my H, thanks again for giving me an other options about how I could handle looking at the situation from my standpoint. Your example and how you chose to handle your situation is sort of like an exercise that can allow me to table dealing with the event until I have a better handle on it (after recording it in my Infidelity database). Then I can go back to it if more situations like it come up.

I believe I can use this to clear my head of upsetting distractions for the time so I can move on before my "get mad at him" switch comes on.
Boy, options and perspective are 2 very important aspects of dealing with any sitution where conflict is involved.

J,

Thank you for also giving me insight from a guy's perspective. It helped me let my H off the hook some. I was close to thinking ill thoughts about him.

Glad to hear work is going good for you.

As it pertains to your W is it possible to find a happy medium that will allow you to make love deposits by completing your projects as well as keep your sanity and focus on other things also? I feel concern for you and hope that you won't get burned out.

I too, am glad that your W came forward about OM. It seemed like a step for her to take in admitting it. Sorry to hear you were in a stink yesterday. Hope that you are able to get a handle on what brought your upset and maybe find a way to watch out for it in the future.

I actually talked to my H about my conversation with his friend. He told me that he had told his friend this information. I don't know if he did or not but I decided to let it slide. I chose not to tell him how it made me feel because I didn't want to upset him.

It is stored in the database however.

Ok ME and Susan Page:

Well she is talking about something that is very, very helpful. She is talking about having good will toward your partner. Gosh, I hadn't felt good will or feelings toward my mate in a long time. But this portion of the chapter really helped me. However it also brought to mind that I have a lot of work to do. I've engulfed myself in tense anger toward my H for so long that now I'm like cleaning up all this ill will that has clogged my mental system.

Her point is that there doesn't have to be cooperation from the both of you to do this. She says that you find a way to appreciate the good in your partner. Find a way to accept the positives in what they may do for you no matter how big or small they are. No matter if they are different than what you would like from your partner or expect from your partner.

Find a way to appreciate even the differences or opposites between you that if you put them together would make a balanced person. Because marriage is about 2 people coming together as one right? Well if you have opposites then once you put them together they make a well rounded balanced person.

Hum! Oh my goodness is this a good one. I was really hating the fact that my H is so different than me. I felt he was an alien or something. However once I looked at it from this standpoint then I thought about characteristics from both of us that compliment our being together.

Use this as a basis for you to independently create an environment conducive to good will. Good will in how you interact with your mate and even think to yourself about your mate.

Anyway, I could go on but I don't want to put the book in this post.

<small>[ April 06, 2004, 06:18 PM: Message edited by: freetobe ]</small>

Freetobe,

Awsome perspective.

About my recent state. The only one responsible for it is me. I have been burning myself out trying to do way to much. After talking with W I see that it is not necessary. I've postponed one major project to focus on the most important one to us. Otherwise I'm just hurting myself.

The one thing I really do need help with is detaching when she LBs. I am not LBing back but it has been taking a toll. I have been communicating how I feel about this but God is it straining. Eventually neither one of us wants to hear about it.

Anyway, take care.
J.

Hi J.

I understand what you mean about you being responsible for you. You are right. It is all in your hands to a control. So if you feel you are burning yourself out and it is in your powere to control how much you take on, how come you won't lighten the load?

Detaching, when W LBs. I've found that I have problems detaching at times from feelings of the past and hurt of the past. I use this site to help me detach. The exercises are great.

Maybe you can try one when you have time.
Strategies to help move from self-defeat to rational living

To J and awed,

I'll be very busy for the weekend and may not be able to post again before beginning of next week. So if you celebrate Easter, Happy Easter to you and a good Easter blessing too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

free: have an excellent Easter! I was going to pop on here yesterday and ran out of time...I shouldn't be here now either!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Boy, options and perspective are 2 very important aspects of dealing with any sitution where conflict is involved. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">excellent observation!!!

That stuff you posted from the book...yippee!! I still say hurray you got it...it is doing for you exactly what I hoped it would...your perspective is your own...reclaim it...don't you just feel a whole lot better??? I know I do...

someday I'll post how I'm doing...suffice to say, we made it through another big crisis...but we ain't out of the woods yet...the wolf is still circling...but you know, I learn new stuff every day...so it can't be all bad huh?

I heard from grad school...they are taking me in for an interview...good news...I still may not make it, but I made the first cut...we'll see...interview in 2 weeks...

spring... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

J: I hope you have a relaxing weekend planned! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> just some fun for a change of pace...or working on creative projects perhaps? hockey??? (are you a hockey fan?)

keep your chin up...detach and remember these are her problems, not yours...say things like "I'm sorry you feel that way"...leave the room if it is feeling abusive...hand up in air: I need to take a break for a while...and go elsewhere to cool off...

have you ever tried apologizing to her? that has worked a treat for me..."sorry H, I didn't realize that would offend you when I _________." he apologizes right back...realizes that he was being mean or critical or whatever...whereas in the past, no matter what I said, he'd keep on going...even silence will let him continue to spew forth...

but apology? disarming technique 101...

actually, it is one I use in work situations all the time...I am often the focus of blame and anger...I apologize, several times if necessary...normally, people will then apologize because they know darn well it is NOT your fault/problem etc...I just finally applied this technique in my M too!

have a great weekend guys...no doubt I'll be back as there are a few folks I'm keeping a close eye on...H and I have no real plans other than casually hanging out...actually, those are usually the best kind of plans <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ...awed

Hip Hip hooray <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Hip Hip Hooray <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Glad to hear about Grad school interview. Wishing you a sure entrance. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> thanks free...awed