I have several threads on here and I hope that I am not offending anyone by posting another. I would like to offer some words that may help someone else.

Before I go any further I would like to say thank you to the posters that have helped me out and hope that the best comes out for all of the hearts out here working through their plans to save their M or R and those wanting to love again.

For a long time after I found out about my WF A I didn't know how to handle it. SO I wasted maybe 3-5 months. After I found out I didn't apply what I learned on MB and I LB quite a bit. On top of this whenever I made a plan using MB, if things didn't happen the way I wanted them, I interrupted it with LB.

I didn't understand that I needed to stay consistent in my attempt to establish Plan A regardless of what WF was doing (unless there is physical, verbal abuse). Though he was making strides I treated it more like,"This is what you are suppose to do!" vs. "I appreciate you doing this or that. I didn't realize the difficulty WF was facing trying to get past the addiction. If something went wrong I saw the whole situation as a failure and just LB my way into relapse.

Anyway not showing love and giving thanks and apreciation (which can go a long way) with my WF was withdrawing love deposits. OW began to get hip. She began showing more apppreciation and attention. Also she stooped makign direct demands and began telling him things like, "I don't like it how it is now not being able to see you when I want, with them being around (myself and S)."

I was naive to how manipulative she could be. I was also naive to the influence that I had on WF. Anyway while I was LB she was making ground. On an occasion when I left because I was reacting to WF, OW came in, in the biblical sense. On another occasion when I decided not to go on a trip with him, guess who did?

Anyway I am not denying WF responsibility in this. However I am saying it helps to reinforce your efforts by giving thanks and showing appreciation for every stride you make.

Watch out when you LB because you may be missing something (on top of the fact that it makes the BS look not as attractive). Also it is hard to have peace and keep clear focus. Remember that what you find out may help you so try not to fall apart when you discover what WS is doing. If you can, you may be able to see when WS is manipulating or OW/OM may be manipulating through them. Though it is very human of any of us to LB try not to waste oppurtunities to have a good conversation with WW or learn from your situation or make a love bank deposit or do something productive.

When your loved one is doing this and that it is hard to keep focus. I still have actions that I am working on changing to keep focus, so I'm not downing anyone. But I am learning that this stuff is very tricky. So you want to have all the tools you can to possibly overcome obstacles. I don't know if this helps anyone but I hope it does.

Wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.