My wife of six years is having a affair of six months that she refuses to end. We have a beautiful D3. I struggle with the idea of implementing plan B. It feels like I would be abandoning, my daughter and home. My wife is very cold to me, she probably wants out of the house, but like me, loves her daughter. We are mutually locked in a trap. Money is not a issue. I would do anything to preserve our marriage, but my wife knows a ‘improvement’ would compromise her affair. I have stopped snooping, I know the whole story. Sometimes I sense her fog lifting but it may just be my wishful thinking or her guilt. What to do? I need too think long term, but keep my sanity.

My empathy to you and your situation. From what I am learning about A’s the endorphin’s it produces, the fantasy or fog or what ever you want to call it controls the WS. My WS supposedly stopped the A, at least the contact. But in her mind it still continues. Plan A or Plan B would be your call, although I personally would not leave the home or the child. Make her see the cost of the A.

Is the op married?, if so did you contact his W?,
Need a little more info.

Sorry to see you here, we are all in the same boat and it is a rough ride, hang in there and take care of yourself, in the meantime if you put up some more info there are some people here that can give you some great advice.

DaRookie

By doing nothing you are giving her the message that you accept the present status quo, ie., her relationship with another man. You would be better off to get a legal separation (and protecting yourself legally) and go to a Plan B. Don't move out of the house. Stop interacting with her unless it concerns the child. Focus on improving yourself mentally and physically. Go on an exercise program and go out socialize with friends. Learn to do things that interest you. Take some evening courses. Learn to do ballroom dancing, play an instrument, do public speaking etc.Change your wardrobe, hairstyle etc. If you feel good about yourself it will give you the confidence to move forward in life with or without your wife.

Rookie,

The other man is not married and leads a very active life full of fun. My life has been dedicated to the family, home , and work. I love my home, it is a dream come true. What got us into trouble is the recreational component. You cannot participate in group athletics (agressive bicycling) as a family. What little time you have is taken up. My wife started the lies, I started to snoop, and the whole equalibrium of the marriage went south. I do believe I need to detach, see a lawyer, protect myself and my daughter. I also need to do more for myself, this whole process has been a drag on the body. Maybe the chemicals released from resuming my 40 mile a week running will help
I think about Plan B, but it just feals wrong, wrong. My pride has sunk to depths unknown.

Art, self esteem, pride, ego whatever we want to call it takes a MAJOR wack when our spouse decides that there is someone more speacial to them then the loyalty, love, trust, and compassion WE invested in our marriage.

I did see my Dr., and did get some antidepressants, not a major help, but a help none the less, you might want to look into that.

If you go to plan B, ask HER to leave, let her realize the consequences of her A and let the OP be the one to feel the needs that are now going to be void, but like everything else be prepared for her to put her spin on the move, my ex claimed I threw her and the son out of the house, just not so, but that was her spin.

Keep posting and read, read and then do some more reading, you get to the point by doing so that you can anticipate most of their moves and what they are going to say.

DaRookie