HI. How was turkey day.
My turkey day was good.

When I look back at all that has taken place I wonder if I handled things the best. I knew OW would possibly go beserk, but I wasn't prepared for it. Thus, LB, which I haven't since then. But maybe I should've been ready when it all came out. From your standpoint on outside looking in, was it not best to have so many confrontations. I am glad that OW H and I and WF talked. ALso glad that she and I talked. I am glad that it got all out in the air but I'm just wondering if maybe things should've stayed more concealed. I don't know. Wondering?

Now I am still trying to build love deposits, but gosh there has been some LB. He is working with me. Doing nice things together now. But I still am concerned about OW and NC. Wonder if he will be upset that I helped to end the A, resent me. WF sometimes seems a little antagonistic. Though he realizes now how OW was, I wonder if he will resent that I helped to end A. Plus LBing didn't help.

freetobe,

I just came back from coffee shop, it was too cold for ice cream so we went for latte instead. My turkey day was great, I & 2 D was adopted by other family for a day so we have tkgiving lunch at their place. Then we went to see Alegria. Friday at Pacific Grove/Monterey area, watching buttefly, sunset and shopping. Saturday, I went out w/ female companion to diner/comedy club/latte 'till they closed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> . Sunday, Church then I went out to chat w/ a female freind from the church 'till just a moment ago. It was a great weekend.

Focus on plan A and don't wonder around. Fillin his top 5 best you can, sooner or later OW is a distance memory. LB is a biggie. If you could just handle LB you are half way to win the war. LB is a bad habit. You should identify it and learn from it so that you could avoid it in the future.

-rh-

Hi Red Hat,
Sound like you had a great Turkey day. Glad to hear you, D, and adopt family had a nice time. Is Alegria a play? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Was it a date I saw in your reply? Did you enjoy and is there interest in another one with same person? Dates are so nice. Your turkey-day weekend was just filled with fun activities. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Yes you're right LB gotta get ahold of it. Grew up seeing a lot of it. Is not an excuse but it is a part of me. Really wanting to kiss it good bye. Will definitely try much harder. Thanks for insight.

Alegria is a Cirque du Soleil performance, with the right partner I wouldn't mind go to see it again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

Get and read Love Busters book from Harley, it has great tips on how to handle them.

-rh-

<small>[ December 01, 2003, 11:41 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by redhat:
<strong> [QUOTE]Originally posted by freetobe:
[qb]Was it a date I saw in your reply?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What is your definition of a date ?

I guess in its most basic form a date to me is simply going out with someone of the opposite sex. If you like the person more and it turns to love then I guess you seek to meet their ENs more and more.

Anyhow your social calendar seemed rather busy last week. Having fun having fun, huh? As they say "I aint mad at you." Enjoy, enjoy. I'm learning more about giver/taker also. Hope your giver doesn't put your heart in harm's way.

Well seeking out more LB info. Have a good one.

Redhat,
Hi there. How are you?

Well things are going pretty good. However I still have the concern about NC and OW possibly resurfacing. But I am making a conscious effort not to talk to WF about it and not to ask constantly if she has tried to C him. Have been doing excessive snooping, though. Catch myself when I do.

Anyway, WF is somewhat antagonistic at times. I try hard not to snap back when he is. Could this possibly be a part of withdrawal? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

He is at other times loving but I still watch out. I'm trying to detach because I realize there are risks but I want to keep my focus on no LBing, depositing in love bank as he will allow me, and not being so preoccupied with wondering if OW is lurking around or if he is looking to start contact w/ her again. And keep up with all the other important things in my life.

Yet I feel like I have to 2nd guess everything he does and says. Any insight on detaching from him? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by freetobe:
<strong>Yet I feel like I have to 2nd guess everything he does and says. Any insight on detaching from him? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He might still have contact and defintely he is still in withdrawal. Focus on plan A, just keep reminding yourself you don't want to push him to OW right now.

Unless you have solid prove you should not guess. Don't beleive what WF says and beleive only 50% that you see. Compare his words and actions.

Also you should train your WF to fillin your ENs ... how ?. When he is doing something that fillin your ENs ... reward him with fillin his ENs. Tell him that you like it & show appreciation.

How is he reacting these day ?. Why do you have suspicion that the contact are still there ?. OWH could help you there to verify.

-rh-

RH, Thanks for your reply.
I have concern about OW and C because before everythng was going nice and I was naive to think she was totally out of the pic. Then I came to find out she was still in the pic. SO I guess I don't want to be naive again.

Yes, I am definitely working this time to not make the mistakes I made before and still work on Plan A regardless, NO LBing.

I've wanted to C OW H and ask him how things are going. But I didn't get the feeling that he could be an ally as he was upset about what happened. I'm not sure if his intent would be to be an ally and work on his M.

REDAHt if you are out there still I wanted to ask you to look at a post I reaplied to. It is very long. I feel a little timid about it. I felt that I gave my best response. Would you review it and post back? It is under 'Keep the Faith's' first one for today.

What's on the plate for the weekend? Doing more dating stuff? How ae your girls?

I have something else I would like to tell you. Do you have an email address?

Have a good one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

freetobe,

You did a wondeful job. I am glad that you share the blessing with others <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

My single dad week starts today when I pick my 2D from the skating rink. I am planning to tell them that I start dating <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> and let them ask question as much as they can. I don't want them to think that dating is suppose to be like "Elimidate" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . Yes, she came to my place last night. I cooked she baked & we ate dinner then we watched Pirate of the Carribean. She had a long day & exhausted and she went home around midnight. When I checked her later to make sure she was home safe, she told me her schedule for tommorow (workshop&meeting) and call her again to set something up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

Now you know why I have to tell my 2 D ... dad might have to go after they go to bed.


-rh-

<small>[ December 06, 2003, 01:05 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

How was your weekend with the girls? How was the comedy club?

I have them this week, not just a weekend. 50-50 alternate week <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . We get a Christmas Tree and decorate them to start our holiday season. I still have to bring some more gifts to put under the tree. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

We did not go anywhere on Saturday. It was raining here and also she was a bit under the weather & tired from all day long seminar. I would also feel gulity if I leave my 2 D at home, even they are very independent & good and they would be sleeping while I am away. So we just talk and talk on the phone 'till midnight. We talk about LB & undivided time and everything else under the sun that I could not even recall <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> .

How is your WF ?. How did he react when you fillin his ENs ? ... rejection, gladly accepted, or so overflowing such that he did the same to you ?. Ask him to read HNHN and start fillin questionairs and use it for discussions.

-rh-

Oh no comedy club. AH, what a stinker. Good discussing policies, setting her in training now,huh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

About WF:
Somtetimes does well in filling my EN. Such as showing affection and so on. But I tried to talk about questionnaire (EN) the other night. Didn't want to discuss it. Yet I am persistent. I will try later.
We had a little talk about the A. WF gave me that look in the eyes that kind of concerned me. That look of "I'm still vulnerable." But I am working more on me and fillin his ENs as he will allow. Trying to decide next steps in Plan A and assess where we are as far as Recovery. Still antagonistic at times. A little withdrawn too.

Sometimes I think that people feel that when a wrong is confronted that you just say I'm sorry and that is it. It is more like an, "oh excuse me"' as if they bumped into, instead of it being more like a heartfelt "I'm sorry" which sort of carries some true repentance and effort to change with it." Oh I don't know. Human frailty. I'm rambling, forgive me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Redhat,
Hi. I read your post to MOP. You noted that if WH is running hot and cold OW may be on the brain or possibly had contact.

This weekend my WF gave me a little cold/hot. HPlus when I tsalked ot him A. He gave me that "deer in the headlights" look that he used to when he was caught (busted) having contact with OW. But he was working very long hours out in the cold this weekend. Should I be concerned about C with OW? Or is it wise for me to just keep with my plan regardless. I've gotten to the point where frankly, I'm tired of wasting energy on thinking about possible contact. Your 2cents please <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by freetobe:
<strong>Good discussing policies, setting her in training now,huh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would not get serious w/ anyone who don't know and not willing to use MB as the basis for R. Also I don't want to blind side her since I could identify her ENs and if she lets me I could steal her heart.

You are doing fine, there is ups and downs but it is normal until WF comes aboard in building R.

-rh-

Redhat,
I agree with you from now own myself. I think MB offers the best info out there about R. R are too serious not to make sure they have a firm foundation. I am grateful for site.

How is the week with the girls going? Today is already Wednesday. The week is moving right along.

If you can, would you look at JGNC's if you have time.

WF is still in withdrawal, he is not completely defog yet, he still has traces of OW. Hang in there. MOP has different issues than you, WH is thinking of moving out and that is a red flag. WH just sucks and sucks LB$ out and no deposit. Your WF tries to fillin yours.

My week is good. The lady that I went out with last Saturday still fillin my need of conversation (emails) and willing to fillin companionship. To bad she is not that available. My 2 D made their Christmas list already and I have to start gathering them.

I will look at JGNC's.

-rh-

Oh I see Redhat. Thank you for reply and for looking at JGNC.

D's made out there list. Is Santa/Daddy checking it twice? Breaking the bank (ka-ching Ka-ching)? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> or being pretty conservative in their request?

My 2 D are good D. They adjust their requests.

-rh-

Hi there. Have any idea on how to get an email address if you only have the partial name and no email domain name or site?