Should I send this to my WW or not?
Detailed background info can be found
here.We are currently separated, as of this past Friday, when she finished packing herself and the kids up and moved in with a relative. She asked to have no contact with me for at least two weeks, possibly as long as just before the holidays. I expressed some concern about having nothing to do with her for that long, and then just suddenly, magically, having a joyous Christmas instantly. So I said that I felt it might be better that, if it goes that long, to just wait until the start of the new year. So now, she says a minimum of two weeks, but she's pretty sure she wants to wait until the new year.
I did talk to her briefly on Saturday, to ask some questions about things that had been left behind, if she planned on getting some things later, had planned on donatingother things to charity
(lots of books), and so forth. I've also called two other times and just said hello to the kids, wished them well, and told them I love them. Now, I've prepared this email, but I'm not sure if I should keep it, send it, or change it and then send it.
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1) While working on the Budget, I was about to change the scheduled billing for your gaming account. Then I realized that I didn't know what to change it to. So I need to know if you've already changed it from our joint checking account, or are planning on changing it, and what you'll have it billed to instead. It looks like it's been charged every month on the 3rd, so as soon as you can let me know, I'd appreciate it.
2) If you need to come by the house or anything, I would ask that you please call first. That will allow me the chance to prepare for your visit
(physically and/or emotionally), or to leave if I feel uncomfortable being there.
3) In fact, please feel free to contact me whenever you might feel like it, about anything you might want to. I'm still here, and am remaining hopeful that everything will work out for our family in the long run.
4) About the holidays...I'm not sure if I could forgive myself for not being a part of Christmas with the kids, or not letting them be a part of Christmas with my parents. Right now, I don't expect any decisions, because that's still 3+ weeks away, but the sooner we can figure something out, the better for everyone. However, at the very least, I would like to ask that we re-evaluate where we are as a couple and as a family sometime before Christmas, so that we can then make plans for what involvement myself and my parents will have in sharing this holiday with the kids.
For example, will they be getting presents from us as "Santa" or from "Mom & Dad"? If so, I would really like to participate in that process.
If not, then I'll plan to buy them presents specifically from myself. However, can I get a list of what they'd like to receive that hasn't already been gotten by someone else?
Are "we" still making custom picture frames to send to our families with a picture of the girls in it? If so, I'd also like to be a part of that process.
Will everyone be spending Christmas at your Mom's, or at Nikki's, or at my parents, or at our house, or more than one of those?
These are all questions that I'm asking for your help in answering. I'm not asking you to make the decisions. I'm just asking you to give me your thoughts on them. As for me, I guess I'm just very unclear on where I stand right now with respect to the holidays. You know for a fact that you'll be spending Christmas with the girls. We know for a fact that Shawn will be spending some time with the girls as well, be that at his home or at Nikki's. I know that I'll be spending time with my parents. What I don't know is if I or my parents can plan on spending any time with the girls, and maybe with you as well.
I suppose that there are several possible scenarios, and here's how I feel about it. I see Shawn coming over to Nikki's sometime early on Christmas to spend time with his mom and the girls. I see all four of us going to my parents home sometime in the afternoon to spend Christmas with my family. Due to the circumstances, and the uncertainty of where we might be at in 3 weeks, I'm not sure where I see your Mom in all of this, possibly joining you all at Nikki's, possibly joining us at my parents. Certainly, I don't see your Mom at my parents without you there, and I don't see anyone making an extra trip to your Mom's knowing that Jean and Brian and the boys will be out of town anyway.
So I don't want to assume one thing, and find out that I was wrong. I don't want the girls to feel unloved because I thought "Mom & Dad" were getting them gifts, or because I thought I wasn't welcome to be a part of Christmas. Yet I don't want you to feel that I might be trying to hurt you in any way, if I got them separate gifts when you had already gotten them gifts from "Mom & Dad", or by just going ahead and making plans to share some time with the girls and my parents. So I would appreciate your input, opinions, and feelings on this issue, so that we can both feel comfortable that we're "on the same page".
5) I am having certain difficulties with the "no contact" rule of this separation. Out of respect for your wishes, I am trying to honor it as best as I can. However, I know that things like this may arise from time to time that we really need to figure out. So, I will try to limit my contact only to those things that I think are important to both of us, and not include any personal information or "What have you been up to?" type of questions. However, I am not going to pretend to feel any differently than I really do, because that would be disrespectful to both of us. That said, I sign off...
With love and affection,
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So what do you think?
