I wanted to share some e-mail messages written by my FWH to OW#2 after she ended their sexual relationship when she met another man. (My H and OW#2 had a five-year PA and continued having an EA for another year after that.)

1) "When we walked at lunch and we talked you said we would not be getting together again. You said because you could not do that to him. What's up with that. Does he have a hold on you. There must be more to your relationship than you have told me. That just threw me for a loop. You could not do that to him. Do what? I'm sorry that I am married, I'm sorry that I can't spend as much time with you as I like, and I am sorry I don't have the money he does so I could impress you. You don't need to have money to impress me. You do it just by being you. And that is why I love you so much."

2) "Be happy. That is really what I want for you. Go for it. I won't bother you again. I knew this day would come but that does not mean that I have to like it. And I am happy for you. Goodbye my love."

3) "I have sent you e-mails. There's no problem. I just know that I love you very much and you might be slipping away. You know all I want for you is to be happy. I just wish it could be with me. It sounds like this guy could make you happy and wants to try. I guess that the jealousy is coming out. It really is. I love you *******."

OW#2 told me my H never showed any guilt during their relationship. She said she had asked him to leave me and marry her but was tired of waiting for him after five years.

I had a hard time reading these e-mail messages. I couldn't tell if he was in the "fog" or really DID love her. I guess I will never know for sure.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Toofargone:
<strong>I had a hard time reading these e-mail messages. I couldn't tell if he was in the "fog" or really DID love her. I guess I will never know for sure. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In MB we believe that romantic love could be created. If one let a person to fill in his/hers ENs ... in-love feeling would follow not far behind.

If he is not in-love while he wrote that I am would be more worry ... about his character.

I would not trust OW ... and I would not read those email. Does it matter now ?. His in-love feeling is gone, hopefully <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . It is best to focus if he is willing to fillin your ENs and let you fillin his ENs currently.

-rh-

It seems my H feels he has to be "in love" all the time. He has had three A during the last twelve years of our marriage. He gave me the ILYBINILWY speech when he finally told me he was unhappy in September.

I'm not convinced he will ever be satisfied without this emotional "high" he feels in the beginning of a relationship. He is a very selfish person in all areas of his life and I don't think that is likely to change. I know it hasn't since D-Day.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Toofargone:
<strong> It seems my H feels he has to be "in love" all the time.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">After learning MB ... I would not settle R life w/o in-love at all time either. I would like every seconds of my life she is always on my mind and I could not be separated too long from her w/o any contact. I would like to be able to know her feeling, reactions, thinking, & wants so that I would make her happy. I want to be one flesh, in mind, body and spirit with her ... It is possible with MB ... This is fullfiling M !. Intoxicated w/ love ... just ask paperband.

Now to get there is hard in the beginning and even harder if you are dealing with un-willing partner (selfish partner).

You have to understand 2 things ...
1. In-Love could be created ...
2. You are responsible for his in-love feeling for you.

Now we hope when he feels in-love he would do the same to you ... created your in-love feeling for him. Some people are not capable due to baggages that they have in the past blocking it. Some serial cheaters you can't just working one-sided in M ... he has to get help to resolve that before he could work on M.

Hope this would help you.
-rh-

I believe what RH said...He's right. MB does work, but there are some people....

My xh, wrote and said things just like that. But he's addicted to the chemical high that comes from that "in love feeling". The thrill of the chase. The feeling when it's new. Only when it's new. He can't sustain and isn't willing to fill anybody's EN's at all. Just his own.

I think there are some people out there who cannot help themselves when it comes to A's. That they have a problem with their hormones/neurotransmitters that makes them get addicted to the rush that comes from doing something illicit...Almost like drugs.My xh's history: got engaged as freshman in college. Cheated on fiance with OW. Married OW. Cheated on first wife. Divorced first wife. Met me. Married me. We break up one year into dating because he lies to me and sees somebody else. He asks me to marry him and claims he wants only me. He cheats on me and lies to me and abusive to me. OW1 is cheated on by xh and him having sex with me (up til 1 yr. ago) and OW2 seeing at same time. OW1 finds out about OW2 and that he's been with his wife too so she breaks up with him. I decide to go into complete plan B during divorce proceedings and stay that way. OW2 continues affair and gets herself deliberately preggo this summer. He's cheated on her with OW1 and it was confirmed when she, OW2 calls me three mos. ago. xH now my xh and is stuck with very preggo, uneducated OW2...the booby prize.

See? Some people are just this way. He's a serial cheater. His whole life is same way. Nothing will change those. I doubt even serious intensive psychotherapy may have effect.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You have to understand 2 things ...
1. In-Love could be created ...
2. You are responsible for his in-love feeling for you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This only applies if your spouse "lets you in", emotionally. Some don't, won't or can't.