Hypothetically...if you knew your WH hidden email and password...would you monitor the situation????????? Check for contact?

Stillholdingon,

Oh Yes, Yes, Definitely like the snooper that I am. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

In Article re: Plan A and Plan B, Dr Harley notes that everything should be fully disclosed especially where EA has taken place. Everything open: email accts, bank accts, Credit accts, cell hone records, etc. Keeping things out int he air helps to weaken the secrecy that A survive on.

But reader beware: Brace yourself for whatever you may find out. WS may have hurtful inconsiderate things in the email.

Still, is this your situation? If so, I'm wondering if you've talked to WS about putting everything out in the open and if he has agreed to do so.

I have and I did and it's how I found out about and exposed WW's affair.

I continued to monitor, even knowing what she had changed them to after the first exposure, and found even more things.

They say that knowledge is power, but I'm not so sure. In my situation, it destroyed any trust she had for me. I was being dishonest in "spying" on her, so that was a big LB. The contents of some things that I found were so outrageous, so intimate, so hurtful about me, that it caused me to confront her immediately with angry outbursts, selfish demands, and disrespectful judgements.

Now, that was just me, in my situation, making my own mistakes. If I had it to do all over again, I'd still spy. But I'd do everything in my power to hold on to the information for more than 10 minutes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , in an effort get a clear picture of everything before drving their affair even further into secrecy.

The fact is that I still know all but one of her passwords, not because she didn't try to change them for a 3rd time, but because my very last bit of spying caught them, and she hasn't changed them, either because she doesn't know that I know, or because she doesn't have anything to hide. Who knows, maybe she's got another, newer secret email account that I don't know about. I sure don't know. But I did spy for several days after we separated, and saw no evidence of anything improper.

Does that make me believe that nothing's happening? Nope. That just makes me fret that there's even more secrecy and more betrayals waiting out there.

See? It can be a very vicious circle here. In some ways, even a little knowledge is too much, because then we are never satisfied.

Ok, so that was a long, rambling, confusing post. But at least I said everything I wanted to say. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

My answer is YES, but this does not help me do a good Plan A. I've been checking WS' cell phone and when I read something (text msgs) that is hurtful, I start LB'ing all over the place. Now, he has put a password on his phone and it is much easier to do a good Plan A when I have no idea what is going on between WS and OW.

You guys have been GREAT!!! I want so badly to believe that he has given up contact with the OW...but I just don't know when I can believe him since he has been lying to me for so many years....I am using my info to check occasionally to see if he has made email contact...but he has another email address that I do not know the password..so I still think it is hit or miss that I would catch something to let me know.

I agree sometimes that knowledge can be a dangerous thing...but so far I have bee able to yell and scream at understanding friends and have not confronted him about what I know. It has been since Wednesday before Thanksgiving that I last confronted him about my fears of him still having contact with her. I was not angry and mean about it..in fact I was tearful by the time I let loose.

I appreciate all your input!!! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
to ya all!!