WH is so dang wishy-washy, and before I execute Plan B, I need to know if I have more on my hands than a typical WS.

Been on the rollercoaster for 9 mos. now, ever since the ILYBINILWY schpeal.

Besides having a EA/PA since Mar of this year, WH has also done the following:

Told everyone that we are separated, although, we continued to live as H and W, through it all... I think he made himself believe we were separated to spare himself any guilt.

Worked minimal hours, to spend time with OW, now that A is suppossedly over, he still doesn't bring home a full paycheck. (He's LAZY) Our finances have taken a dump, and he doesn't want to accept responsibility for it. Doesn't seem to care if we lose the house...

He socializes with single people, and plans to move in with a single guy, and eventually a guy and female. (He doesn't know I know the last part)

Rumor has it that he had ONS with another floozy from work, while still with OW. (I think my H really needs acceptance from other women).

Has destroyed all relationships and ties with his extended family because of the way he handled the whole mess, and his continued lack of responsibility/caring.

Often neglects his children, including his 9 yr old son, whom he shares custody with. In the height of the A, he often went weeks without seeing the boy.

But, continues to give me mixed messages. One week it's "I know we have a lot of work ahead, but I think we'll make it." And the next it's, "I'm just not sure we should be together."
I think it all depends on who he just talked to. He's very easily influenced by the opinions of others.

Honestly does not believe I would ever leave him. I can understand, because I did enable the A for a couple of months. Now I'm very close to Plan Bing him.

Is this more than typical behavior, or is my WH among the best cake eaters in the world?

He just seems so out of control. Is Plan B appropriate for this crazy behavior? Will it hit him between the eyes, or encourage selfish behavior? Is he too far gone to reel back in?

Please tell me I'm not alone in this...

MOP

MOP: How is your baby? I forgot that you just had a little one. Well, you know I don't have much advice cuz I'm going through the same thing. WS is looking for apartments today and I'm sure IC will tell him this is good for him. My WS is like yours in that he has hardly been alone in the past 40 years.

I really do not understand WS' actions in the middle of an A. Why can't they just stand up and choose? I get alot of mixed messages, too, but recently I've resolved to just think, "It's over". It is for my own sanity. When I get something positive from WS and then later find out something negative, it just puts me back on that rollercoaster.

My WS has said the same thing. He likes being married to me (sometimes), but when he's with OW, he loses track of time, etc.

I think WS do act erratically in the middle of the A. It really is too much stress. Unfortunately, Plan B does not come with any guarantees. I think it's more for us BS' that need some kind of rest from all the turmoil. At this point, we have no control over what WS does. It's just a matter of whether they will come to their senses. Like I say, I'm no expert, but I think we are going to Plan B.

MOP,

You know my opinion already, Plan B from the get go. However you have to ask a few questions ...

Even there is no OW, is he worthed as H ?, I mean is he doing his job as a husband & father should be ?

You already lost him, don't kid yourself, he is WH and he shows no intention in his actions only his word. Do you think that he is deciding ? or is he finding a way out to be cake eater ?.

With Plan B you set the term of ammends and not going crazy chiping away any LU$ left for him.

Just my 2¢. -rh-

lbc,
Baby is wonderful. Little boy, who is just a sweetheart. Seven weeks old today.

It does sound like you and I are on the same path. Have you stared draftng your PBL yet? I did, and also took a look at the samples here, and just had myself a good cry... Amazing, we never seem to run out of tears, do we?

WH has been talking about moving out for weeks now, but since we can't afford a 2nd place, he's forced to stay with friends. Can't really be alone when there's parties going on. Maybe at 30, that lifestyle will get old?

The last week has been horrible for me. H has been so distant, no affection like before, basically avoiding me. I can tell he and OW are talking again. I told him last night that I needed to know what was going on, even if it hurts, because when we don't talk, all I can do is assume, and I usually assume the worst.

He said, OK, but this might hurt your feelings. He said that his IC believes he's still in love w/ OW, but he's not ready to leave me yet. Then, he told me that he had picked up D papers today!!! I just started to cry. He said that his IC told him he needed to do things to make reality set in, look thru family photos, remember special times, etc... go get D papers from Courthouse!!! But he also said he doesn't agree with everything the IC says, but he tries it on for size anyway. Anyway, I asked him how that made him feel. He said he was OK, until he really started to look at them in the car.

This morning, I'm looking everywhere for the papers, but can't find them. I did notice he took the garbage out yesterday before I got home. He never takes the garbage out until it's overflowing!!! Perhaps the papers made their way to the curb...

I'm at the same point you are. I even told him last week I could tell he was still wavering, and to just pack up his s*%t and move in with OW. He looked stunned. Still hasn't done it though...

redhat,
Don't get me wrong, OW is still in picture. They're back to the EA, even though WH doesn't see it that way. I know what you mean that he's not pulling his weight, and as frustrating as that is for me, I keep telling myself "he was worthy once before, can't he be again?", hoping that reality will kick in. I know, I am kidding myself... If you read the rest of my post, regarding the D papers, you can see that he's probably just going to keep eating that cake!!! (He used to be such a pie man!!!) Was that all just a bluff? I am working on PBL, redhat. Thank you.

MOP