Hi,

First for some background information. My H had an affair a year and a half ago. We have a 3 year old together and have been married for 7 years. I found out 1 month ago about the A by finding a text message on his cell phone. Two days after I found out, I made him send the NC letter and suposedly there has been no contact. Now the difficult part, is that my H and the OW work at the same company but the OW works at a different location in another state. They formed a friendship over 3 years ago and according to him they let it get too far. They suposedly slept together twice and that was a year and a half ago. The OW is married also but has no children. Her H is now aware of the A. Since my H and the OW slept together, they suposedly decided that their relationship could not continue and they both tried to move on and forgive themselves. The problem is they both only had each other to talk to and as they both struggled extremely with work their emotional bond got stronger than ever. Now that I know about the A all the pieces of the puzzle are in place in regard to my H and how he has acted.

Now my H is getting a promotion at work that will tripple his workload. He claims that family and me are his priority and that he will not fall back into his bad working habits. I don't believe it and to top it off I know he is going to have to travel occaisionally to the other location and will inevitably see the OW. Won't that bring to surface all the feelings he is trying to get over? My husband loves his job and does not want to leave. Do I have the right to make him leave based on the possibility of seeing the OW. How should this work in order for our marriage to be successful? Will he hate me for wanting him to leave his company?

The good news is we started MC last week. We are bringing church back into our life after abondoning it for many years. We ordered the book Surviving an Affair and are taking 2 weeks off from work starting next week to spend time together. But I am afraid to open up as the 2 weeks may be great, then bammm, back to work and the OW possibility.

Any thoughts would be helpful and thanks for listening.
I'm Struggling!!!!!

rumyam:
A few things bothered me about your post, things that when I was in your shoes just a few months ago, would have been how I worded it as well.
"Two days after I found out, I made him send the NC letter and suposedly there has been no contact."
and
"Do I have the right to make him leave based on the possibility of seeing the OW."
The real lesson I learned is that I cannot force my wife (who had an A and is still in contact) to do anything. She must make decisions of her own accord. It is just like raising a child - you have to allow them to learn and grow. If you force them to do anything, they very well may resent your strong arm tactics. Then again, Both he and you (especially him) need to analyze adn decide what is most important to each of you: your love for each other/marriage or his job.

On the other hand, if your husband is serious about the MC, reading and learning about Surviving an Affair, and getting God back into your lives, you are in a pretty good position - better than most if you read any of the other postings in Plan A/Plan B. I would suggest you spend a few hours reading about what other people are going through as there are a lot of good insights. The book will also illustrate the importance of determining what you can do to make your marriage better, since no one person is ever faultless in terms of what made the affair possible in the first place.
Be strong, keep your head up, thank the Lord that you are working on recovery, but follow the MB principals to ensure that he is not pulling the wool over your eyes.