We have been separated for a week now. It was her idea. She was (still is) having an EA over the Internet. Her family did not know about the EA until I told them (after WS and me agreed not to tell anybody about all the details of why we are splitting up. was telling them a mistake?)

None of her family members are approving of her actions (and were not approving of it even before they learned of her EA) and are not willing to help her in any way. However, they do seem friendly and compassionate with me. I have not asked them for any help, however did talk to them about our relationship/problems. They want to spend time with me, invited me over for X-mas and all that. It looks like they are on my side. Am I crazy? They are her blood relatives, they'll never take my side over hers, right? Even if they tell me straight up that I am a very good person/husband and that she is making a big mistake.

Should I talk to them? Should I maintain the relationship? Will my WS think that I am trying to get them on my side so that they would make it difficult for her to separate? Will she think I am building leverage in case we do file?

Thanks

You are blessed to have caring, supportive in-laws. I would encourage you to stay in fellowship with them, not for them to choose sides but just because you have a mutual caring for each other.

My W's side of the family has totally shut me out. That hurts after 23 years of M. They are very non-committal and quiet people. That's part of W's problem - the tendency and example of sweeping things under the carpet and hoping they will go away. Doesn't work!

I think if the inlaws are supportive of your decisions then you should talk to them. My WW's youngest brother has been my best friend for several years, he was the first person I went to after finding out about the A. I was worried at first, thinking he wouldn't want to hear me talk about his sister like that, but he understood, and would have respected whatever chioce I made, and I think we would still be friends. And her oldest brother, who I was also close with for about ten years, has been a godsend. He has been by my side supporting me through this whole ordeal, dealing with the deppresion, the anger the loneliness, helping me stay away from alcohol(almost 3 months sober after 10 years of drinking, woohoo for me!) and anything else I needed from him. Her parents were also very helpful also. My family was not so receptive, but they are coming around. I think any choice I would have made they would have accepted the same way. I thank God that he has put people like that in my life. So if the inlaws are supporting you and keeping things positive, I say talk to them, Lord knows all of us in here need all the positive support we can get. (BTW, WW and I are working very hard to put M back together, so far so good)

"Am I crazy? They are her blood relatives, they'll never take my side over hers, right? Even if they tell me straight up that I am a very good person/husband and that she is making a big mistake."

Assap Have they ever given you a reason not to trust not to trust what they say?
If not, try not to alienate them because of her behavior. Instead accept their support.

Though these may not do any of these, just a few pointers. Beware not to insult her or bad mouth her in front of them or anyone else for that matter. Try not to let this be your only focus of conversation when you talk to them either.

thanks for your guys's posts. i'll continue on with them. they are very supportive of me and are very angry at her. our relationship is not the only thing we talk about. we also have a 17 months old baby and she needs them also. the baby is staying w/me by the way.

My wife does not yet know that I have been talking to them, but will find out today and will be angry at me. they are not supportive of her actions and are in fact mad at her and do not want to help her with anything. so, she is very upset with them and wants to move out of state far away from them. I do not have a habit of badmouthing my wife and am not going to. i tell them that i will support and love my wife for as long as it takes for her to turn around and realize how big of a mistake she is making.

Try to stay in a good relationship with her family. But don't be surprised if wife rewrites the marriage history and you come out the bad guy. For years my in-laws and step-children have said that I was the best thing that ever happened to my H. When they found out he was having an A, they all sided with me. That is until he gave them his side. His side is that he begged me to take him back and I wouldn't (he was still with OW every day). Then he told them I am trying to get the house and everything he has. Yes I am trying to get the house because I didn't want him to move OW in. I even told him that. He said that would never happen. Now they are living together. In our marriage we had lots of financial problems. He came to the marriage with over $10,000 in debt. I worked OT, used my income tax refunds, and every spare penny to pay them off. I spent over $10,000, paying them off, but H always ran them up again. His family knows nothing of all this because I do not badmouth him. He however spends all his time talking about how I'm taking advantage of him. So anyway now they all blame me. Good luck with her family, but don't be surprised if things change.

thanks. I hope it does not change in my situation, but it is possible. I do not think my W would lie to them, but who knows. We are having the same financials problems, except that neither one of us had debt going into the marriage and now we owe a lot. She does not have a sense of budgeting or finances in general.

I hope your wife doesn't lie to them. But you know, I don't think my H even thinks he is lying. He has a completely different scenario of everything. And since I never discussed marriage problems with his family, they believe him. To me most of our problems had to do with finances. We were in debt so far that it caused constant arguing. Then at the beginning of the summer he started keeping his check and spending $200. to $300. a week on OW. When I confronted him, he still denied it, even when I showed him bank statements over several months. Anyway I ended up filing bankruptcy because I could not make payments by myself.
I found out what he was telling his family from his brother's wife. H's story is that I am trying to get everything from him. Actually there is nothing to get except the house, and 5 motorcycles which H has. It makes me kind of mad, but I refuse to get in a big argument with the family. I hope that you can stay friends, but don't be too hurt if your wife's story is completely different than yours. It will be better for your child if you can get along with inlaws. Good luck.