Good Afternoon,<P>I am the husband of ConfusedWife, who has posted here before. I felt the need to post what i am feeling and try and get some sort of support for the feelings i am having right now. I got myself involved in an online affair about 6 months ago. the Details of the affair are in my personal info; but suffice it to say that after counfusing myself throroughly abot that i wanted and what i needed, (and especially WHO), i finally chose my wife and family. I ended my relationship with the OW, and we made an agreement to not see or speak to one another again, for the good of all. <P>Now with this done, i set myself to a new task, winning my wife back. You see, i found that with all the pain i have caused to her, and to the people around who care about us, I need to be the one who makes the difference in making our marriage better. I know that it has only been a short time since i ended the affair, but i feel so helpless when i watch her crying because of my betrayal. All the things that she held sacred, i have trampled on. She doesnt even know if she can try to begin to forgive me, but she is still here, and thats trying. <P>What am i to do? i have nothing but love for her, but that doesnt seem to be enough. i feel like hiding at times so that she doesnt have to see my face, so that i dont remind her of my infidelity. I do my best to do things that are non-confrontaional, try to not make waves. I'm walking on rice paper, but i know thats not good enough. <P>i strayed from my marriage for reasons, but they arent good ones. I dont want to justify my actions by telling my wife she was to blame. What i want is to be able to smile in her presence and see her smile, just because.<P>I used to be good,<BR>I used to be charming,<BR>I used to be Mighty..<P>Oh How the Mighty Hath Fallen.....

All you have to do is love your wife. Show her by doing little things. Sometimes little things mean a lot. It wil take a while for her to trust you again and deal with the pain but it is possible. I know if my husband came home today, I would worship the groun he walks on. And he's the one who had the affair and left. Of course, I contributed my share to the problems we were having. I'm not saying it would be easy to trust him again, but that's something that can be dealt with over time.<BR>Good luck to you and your wife.

all i want in the world is for my betrayer H to be home with me. sure, we fight, and it is hard, but when he is gone, i can barely stand <BR>the thought of what he might be doing, and i get much more mad at him.<BR>just love her all she can stand, and she will start to know you are true.

First off, congratulations! The absolute best move in your life is going back to your Wife.<P>It’s gonna take time to heal for both of you.<P>Ask her what you can do for her. She knows what she needs. If she won’t tell you, then do what you think she needs. A hug, a cuddle, a cup of tea, whatever. YOU have to prove yourself to her. You have to learn to communicate effectively. No one is saying nor expecting you to do everything perfect. If you make a mistake, learn from it. If you don‘t know what to do, ask her.<P>Keep strong and above show her you do love her and are willing to learn new relationship behaviors.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

U2BM-<P>Yes, congratulations on going back!! Excellent move.<P>A couple of suggestions: #1- Get the book "The Five Love Languages". It may help you figure out what she needs.<P>#2- Since your W posts here, maybe she would be willing to share some of her thoughts here if she if not comfortable sharing them w/ you at the time.<P>It ALL takes time. There is alot of healing to be done of both of your parts.<P>Praise God that your marriage is being healed.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl

Congatulations... <P>The right move... by the Mighty!<P>Chris and ceecee are in the know...<BR>It is going to take time...<P>If you are in a true "recovery"... then let her know you are willing to go over and betond... Maybe share with her your wllingness to do the <B>extraordinary precautions</B> to guarantee separation from the OW...<BR><OL TYPE=1> <BR><LI> Changing jobs and relocating (Situation dependent)<BR><LI> Blocking all communication (phone, e-mail, pager, etc.)<BR><LI> Accounting for time<BR><LI> Accounting for money<BR><LI> Spending leisure time together<BR></OL><BR>These are specified nicely in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>.<P>A true recovery will also have you demonstrating (slowly at first) your desire/ability to apply the Four rules to guide a good marriage...<BR><OL TYPE=1> <BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Protection:</B> Avoid being the cause of your spouse's unhappiness.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Care:</B> Meet your spouse's most important <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Time:</B> Take time to give your spouse undivided attention.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Honesty:</B> Be totally open and honest with your spouse.<BR></OL>...also well deined in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A>.<P>Also use ceecee advice on books that can help you. I have a post of 'many' books for different situations... check out some of the other titles... for you... for her... at <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/010158.html" TARGET=_blank>Books... books... books... (again)</A>.<P>Prayers...to you and your W... (a perenial Plan P)<P>Jim<P>

U2MB,<P>Nothing to add but <B>DITTOS</B> To the other replies.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Am I the only person that is confused?<BR>If the usedtobemighty did in fact end all with the OW, why is friend saying otherwise?<BR>Maybe the OW is confused? <BR>Whatever it is mighty, welcome to mb. You are very lucky to have a wife like cw! She is such a joy, so cherish her, protect her, and both of you better stay safely tucked away for a few days.

Ditto with what everyone else said. I'm glad you made the right decision. It's going to take a lot of work & time to rebuild, but will be well worth it. Prayers and support are with you both.