Hi, again.

Just wondering how some BS that are starting to see changes in the WS react when these chages occur. I had posted in another forum about wanting to suddenly be as nasty as possible- almost as though I'm hoping to purposefully ruin any progress I've made in Plan A.

H made very passionate but tender love to me this weekend. This hasn't happened this way in FOREVER. Yet, I found myself wondering if he had renewed contact and felt very inhibited about the closeness.

H has also approached me more often for hugs and kisses and I find myself stiffening and wondering:
Why is he doing this?
Even him touching me on the knee when we are close can cause this reaction. I know I am ruining progress we are making, but I seem powerless to stop.....

He has also sought me out more for talking alone (casual conversation) and I find it hard to focus on what he is saying.

Can anyone relate?

<small>[ January 02, 2004, 04:31 PM: Message edited by: wittlewifeypoo ]</small>

yes.

My wife, it seems, is making an effort to show she loves me. It's mostly little things, like being more attentive and affectionate. There are also the bigger things like initiating SF which has been a big issue for me. I am very appreciative of what she is doing but because there has been contact even recently and it is hard to keep tabs on her I find myself sometimes doubting her intentions, sometimes thinking that she's trying to soften me up so that I won't pry too hard anymore.

I guess that even the attention is nice it is not what I am looking for from her right now. She seems to be in a hurry to "move on"

I think, maybe, the best we can do is accept what they are trying to do for us and try our best to do the same for them, while gently pressing for the changes we need from them, such as NC etc.

WWP.
Hi yes I can relate. I've gone from being nice and kind and wanting to be around him to wanting to shove him off the side of the bed.

I think it is natural when a relationship had been effected by deceit and betrayal. Let's face it you have a gamet of emotions to deal with and security issues.

But let me ask you, have you thought about where your anger stems from. What is it besides thinking about renewed contact that triggers your anger?

Thanks, both of you for your replies.

I suppose what is bothering me the absolute most out of this situation is that DDay was November 2002 and I have yet to be told who this other person is...

I have also wronged our marriage six months ago by beginning talking with a man that I had common interests with. I was so lonely and frustrated and it was a relief to talk with someone who was kind and interested in me. Nothing major, just trivial conversation. The thing is, as soon as my husband found out, he was furious. I had to stop talking with someone who was just a friend immediately. I was grabbed by the neck and told:
"Don't lie to me, woman!"
I never hesitated to let him know anything he wanted to, yet I can't even get a name??!! (He claims he knows "how I am" and doesn't want the embarrassment.)

Really rich coming from someone who has done what he has to our marriage. There has never been an apology or acknowledgement of how this has hurt me.

I am also angry because I feel like I am wasting time with someone that gives me nothing in return. I have been devestated during a time period in which I had a newborn child. Those baby days of my only son are a blurred memory of tears and sleepless nights to me. I can never get them back.

I remember packing away my son's newborn clothing for consignment and feeling like my life was a dream. I was crying remembering how happy I was to choose these things for my son and now they were going into a box to be sent away...
Would our family just be a box of photos to H someday as well? Were we also something to be given away and forgotten?

I suppose I am frightened that I am wasting days even now that I can never get back... if feels as though H has total control over everything and as long as I am a good "wifeypoo" and be quiet, cook, clean and care for the children everything is fine. Talking about "old things" is just a waste of time to him.

I don't know if any of this made sense, but it felt good to vent.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
I have also wronged our marriage six months ago by beginning talking with a man that I had common interests with. I was so lonely and frustrated and it was a relief to talk with someone who was kind and interested in me. Nothing major, just trivial conversation. The thing is, as soon as my husband found out, he was furious. I had to stop talking with someone who was just a friend immediately. I was grabbed by the neck and told:
"Don't lie to me, woman!"
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I did not know how to respond to this at first. Then I say your thread in General Questions. I am very glad you have contacted a shelter. If just once I laid a finger on my wife in that manner she would leave immediately.