Gotcha,leave her alone.Just have to be in Plan A when she brings the dog by tomorrow.Do I tell her I missed her/love her?

I don't know if you have seen this, but this can be something you can work on.

For those that are interested in Michelle Weiner Davis's divorce busting 180 degree list, here it is:

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or
implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.
10. Do not spy on spouse.
11. Do not say "I Love You".
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show her someone she would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).
21. Never lose your cool.
22. Don't be overly enthusiiastic.
23. Do not argue about how she feels (it only makes their feelings stronger).
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out.
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly.
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because she is hurting and scared.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes.

I know you want answers right away and want to tell her you love her, but it will hurt your cause.

Yes,thank you! I found that list earlier today and printed off a copy and will re-read it again and again.Plus lots of prayer;Mark 11:23-24,oh what a mountain this is!
Another I like(too much) is Jack's Library!
Had dinner and a movie with friends this evening. First time I got out,for anything other than work in over a week.American Wedding, laughter is the best medicine.Been awhile since I had a good guffaw.

Good for you. Keep going out and doing things. Right now you need something to feel good about. Even though it is hard to stay busy, it is the best thing for you.

Doing the 180 list is very helpful too. If only I could take my own advice! But the longer you stick with it, the easier it gets. Then you can make good decisions from a place of peace and strength.

Well,this afternoon at 2pm will have been 72hrs since she contacted me.Whew! It's been hard. We'll see if she drops the dog off before I get home from work.That will be my guess as to what transpires today. Is this typical behavior of the WS once they move out? Trying to move on to NC and getting on with their New relationship?She has some serious issues about the infertility problem.To be with the OM who has 2 kids of his own is going to grate on her I think.

My H stayed away for 2 months. He could not face me. So be prepared for that. But go on with the program - that is what is best for your marriage. Do something for yourself to keep your mind off her.

The other problem I'm facing this week is wednesday I'm supposed to do the final filing for divorce.I don't want it,I didn't want it when I filed 3 weeks ago.It was a knee jerk reaction to my emotions."we're going through this again!" Was my attitude.I now realize that nothing was fixed 8yrs.ago. We never in 13yrs learned what our most important EN's were.Of course being a guy she had no problem knowing that SF is one of mine.I knew that affection that didn't lead to sex was one of hers.I just didn't focus myself on that very well at all.
To her she feels that we are hopeless,she would just continue this behavior again in the future if we got back together again.I now know better because of books and this website.

Don't file for divorce. You don't want one and it is way too soon. If you file you will get one. I have been going through this for 7 months and still not ready for D.

It may take her awhile to realize what she has done. Mine completely left me alone, but suddenly popped back up wanting to reconcile right before Christmas. I had completely given up on the marriage. So get on the MB program and don't do anything about D.

Start making the changes in you and doing what you need to make your life better. That is the only way to go. Most WS's do come back to the marriage.

Yes most WS do return.She did it before,twice a year apart.I know her very well(duh 13yrs.).She may not due to the fact that she came back before and we didn't work out..again.I've let her know that I've learned alot recently.She wanted to know if it was good.I told her that I know what went wrong.I gave a brief description of EN's.I'm not good at speaking what is in my heart,so I gave her that folder full of stuff. She opened it,she got the pair of 20's,but told me she hadn't read any of it.She isn't a big reader.Don't know if she got into reading anything in the last 3days though. To busy with the OM and fixing up her apt.She hasn't talked to any friends or family either recently. She must feel very alienated,knowing that everyone disapproves.

She doesn't have to read anything right now. This is your plan to lead her back to the marriage. Stick with us here and start practicing your new behavior. Words won't do it. WS's have trouble listening to words. Show her the new you.

Get busy cleaning, organizing, and throwing stuff out. Detail your car, work on projects, that kind of thing. I started in July and H did not see anything for 4 months. When he dropped by one day he was very surprised. And it did not cost money -less than $100. I rearranged, painted and cleaned up everything. I don't know if men can do things like that, but it puts spouse on notice that you are going on with your life and they are not the center of your universe. They can see the changes.

I know this is very hard for you, but you must put your trust in the program here. It really works, and in a little while your life will be good again. I promise.

Well it is now seventy-two hours with NC with WW. It's tough.Going to get worse too. Been there before.Only difference was I had moved in with my brother and his family. This time I've got the house all to myself. A little apprhensive about what I'll feel when she brings the dog over this p.m. Part of me hopes she drops the dog off before I get home.Part of me wants to see her so badly,to hear her say that she does miss me.She won't say anything of the kind.She'll act happy now probably. Guess so will I.

Wonder how much coaching.She gets from this guy? She led me to believe he has a more aggressive personality than me.She has an aggressive personality,but can be submissive when she wants to be dominated.STOP OBSESSING!

Calm down and stay with the MB plan. You can do this.

I was right. My WW dropped our dog off at the house before I got home from work today. No note nothing.Maybe she did read some of that stuff in the folder and is putting the NC on me.Or is this typical behavior?She moved out 9days ago.Now when she drops the dog off she sees the house she left behind.Guess I'll leave her be. I've done well by not incessantly calling her. I've only called to discuss "business". Though it was just to hear her voice.I'll wait for her to make contact.Going to stay busy this p.m. Now I've got 3 days off to stay busy.

This is typical behavior while they are in the fog. She will probably stay away from you for awhile. Get busy with your program. Good luck.

thanks!I remember hearing somewhere if you want something new,you've gotta do something different.God Bless.

Well my H is back tonight. He watched football all day and daughter dropped him off here. He is drunk and went to bed.

This is not the ideal situation, but he does keep coming back, over and over. And this is the same guy that left me for several months, and had nothing to do with me. Now he keeps showing up.

So my advice to you is continue with the plan here. I'm sure your W will be back. You need to rest up and take care of yourself until that day. Once they realize that they may have made a big mistake, that you are moving on without them, everything changes. Hang in there and don't give up.

Well my WW called this a.m. to tell me that the other car of hers that is still here has a dead battery.It has been sitting for a month.She mentioned coming over after work to get it started. We made small talk.Lots of dead air between the small talk.Sounded like she really wanted to hear my voice.A sign? I told her to come get her other car and leave her K5 blazer.She asked why,and I told her to fix the oil leaks and I want nothing in return.Then someone was coming into her office and she had to suddenly get off the phone.hmmmm...

She had tried to start her other car when she came over yesterday and dropped the dog off.

Okay, you know what to do now. Fix the car for free and that will deposit into her love bank. In the meantime, go on with your life and make some changes right away. She needs to see a whole different scene.