I would not tell her that. Instead show her. In fact you are meeting her needs, by fixing her car, being kind, giving her money, etc.

Don't assume everything is going great with her. Of course we BS's always think that. But it is not always true. You need to give it more time. Any type of personal talk is likely to turn her off at this point.

I hope you are still going to watch the Super Bowl and enjoy it. I'm taking the neighborhood kids fishing this morning. They are between 5 and 8 and this is their first time - so you know it is going to be fun. I'll probably bait and untangle a hundred times.

Well my WW called me today at work on her way to the house to drop off the dog.She is swapping out vehicles and thanked me for working on them.
She was in no hurry to get off the phone and seemed to want to make a lot of small talk.The tone in her voice sounded friendly.Maybe a hairline crack in the fog today.I was as pleasant as I could be and tried to make "small talk" with her also.Withdrawn but available tone.
I am going to a superbowl party,different one, no broads. She told me of her party she is doing.Though she made it apparent she wasn't enthusiastic about it.She asked if I was going to go to a superbowl party. I said"yes." She asked,"where?" I told her with some friends.She asked,"what friends?" I told her some friends from work.Totally innocent of course but yes, I wanted her to think otherwise.
Probably doesn't mean anything but she sure seemed inquisitive about my social life.I'd like to be optimistic here and think that her gears are turning in that gray mush covered in a pea soup type fog.But I haven't a clue.Hopefully she has seen some weeds growing in that greener grass.

That's great. The more you do things on your own and look like you have other options, the more she will start questioning her decision. But avoid getting entangled with females.

There are lots of fun things to do, and the more you force yourself, the better you will feel.

I took neighbors fishing today and had a great time (with 6 boys). We even caught some perch and croakers. The younger ones got bored after about 2 hours, but they each caught a fish, and we got pictures.

On the way home we got sub sandwiches and are going to watch the game.

So hang in there and try to let friends know you are up for new experiences. My friends are very supportive and have invited me all kinds of places. Then maybe your wife will start worrying she is letting a good one get away.

Not much new here.Just keep chippin away. We'll see if she comes over with D paperwork tomorrow. I'm still working on her other vehicle.

Don't worry about D papers. If she does give them to you, tell her you need to think about it for awhile because you don't want a divorce.

You have been doing a great job in meeting some of her needs so far, and remember there is always Plan B. So don't give up even if she does bring the papers.

Keep doing what you are doing and try to socialize and get out. You need to be with friends that can meet some of your needs.

No D papers yet.Maybe she is holding off since I've been working on her blazer and TA.Worked my tail off on the blazer mon-wed(my weekend).Spent monday in the driveway with it being 30 degrees out and light snow changing the oil pan gasket.

She had me bring the dog to her yesterday.A little different attitude it seemed,could be I'm looking for something different. Another new thing is she started smoking again,I could smell it on her.I said nothing though.She quit almost 2yrs ago to do the baby stuff we went through. She'll probably stop working out too.I remember her telling me when she started working there that everyone she works with smokes.Man,she's heading down the path of self destruction.

I asked if I'd see her on sunday,she said yes, we'll see.She'll probably sneak in and out again. When I was leaving I said it was nice to see her and gave her a hug.She said nice to see you too,without much emotion. But I swear I see something in her eyes now that wasn't there before. Could be that her brother sent her a real heavy hitter of an email,one that may create a permanent fracture between the two. But I read it and it was pretty potent.If she read it through and through it will get her wheels turning in that fog filled gray mush.I know her well enough to figure that out.

Hang in there and keep doing what you are doing. It's funny how well we know our WS's. I had a talk with mine today, the first truthful talk we've had.

It may take a couple more months for you. I hope you can get through this. It seems like you are doing so well.

Well, I just got an email from WW. Again another painful read.An update on how our dog is doing. Followed by;"I am going to file divorce papers today. I will bring your copy to you on Sunday."

What do I do? Not be at the house on sunday? Or do I tell her anything? Steve H. mentioned stalling if I could,the process that is. Also he mentioned telling her that I've got a roadblock with this.I've found out that couples do lose passion in their marriage and can restore it.I'm not looking for a comittment just want to look into this.Don't you want to be happy? I know it isn't a possibility with me in your thinking right now.But isn't it worth looking into? Possibly even encourage her to talk to S.H.
Today is going to be hard.Sunday harder.

Hopefully someone who knows what to do can chime in here.

Sorry to hear that. Follow Steve's advice. Stall the D. Don't be there on Sunday. Go out and have some fun. This is a long road, with lots of ups and downs so hang in there.

aside from not being there on sunday.Not sure if I should get into any kind of conversation with her about "options" or possibilities. Even if I am there all I would have to do is not get it notarized.
Confused as to what to do.I want to be there cuz I want to see her.But trying to save my M is tantamount to anything else.Guess I'll have several long talks w/God between now and then seeking guidance in this matter.
Thanks believer..

Be gone on Sunday. Make it hard for her. You are still too new to Plan A. I did not do it and regret it.

I went over to H's house yesterday and found H and OW in bed. This is after he said he would like to reconcile.

Had a long talk with him, actually very friendly.
Seven months ago, I would have shot them both. But the MB program works. Please stick with it. You may find it will save your marriage.

I'm still struggling with not being there on sunday when she comes over.Wanting to be there to convey kindness,thoughtfullness and an attitude change.Even if she does give me the D papers,I'd still have to get them notarized for them to be valid.

You'll have to decide whether to be there or not. I think it is better to let WW think that you have other things to do than wait for divorce papers.

Today I went fishing again and took 1 little boy who missed out last weekend. I was really dreading it, but had a great time. He caught 3 fish and was so happy. It was a wonderful day with the ocean waves, surfers and sunshine.

When I first found out about A, I just sat around doing nothing. It is much better to get busy and try to enjoy yourself.

Thanks for the reply.As of right now I plan on being there.I need to let her know that yes,she can still come to me.Even with the D papers. After being on this site for awhile now,I've realized that I am in the very early stages of this plan A.She is up to her eyeballs in fog. There is nothing I can do or say that will change her tune.I don't plan on discussing jack squat.She can hand me the D papers and I'll change the subject immediately.To something about her blazer.After all the work I did it still is leaking oil!! Doggonit!

If she wants to talk about the D as to whether I'm going to put up a fight or not.We'll see where that leads.She knows I said I'd contest it. But in reality I can't.She may ask if I'm going to get the notary done.She may say things to hurt my feelings,or like the last time she wrote a letter.Maybe there is more for me to learn.Don't believe anything she says and half of what I see right now! She's hurt and scared right now.I just need to keep a positive attitude in front of her being thoughtful and kind,showing empathy of sorts. See I'm giving myself a pep talk right now.But my heart still hurts.

Glad you're having a good time fishing.We got snowed on again last night.It is too cold for outdoor stuff here yet.I'll call someone from church to hang with..

You have a good attitude. You are doing much better than I did. Just now I am getting where I can talk to H in a friendly way. But I am in Plan B, and not supposed to be talking to him.

Your wife is deeply in the fog and is getting herself into a real mess, but I still think she will come out of it. Just try to drag out divorce and give her time.

I know it hurts, but you are doing great so far. You are good husband material, too bad she can't see that right now. Hang in there.

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

Yes it does hurt like h@##.But we've been here before.God worked a miracle then and I believe it will happen again.I've got at least two more months of her being in the fog.

I'll delay the D as long as I can.She will get angry and I'll try not to LB.But if she has me served there is no stopping it.

Hello again. Here is a post that I read yesterday that may help you maintain the course.

Posted by Amy Maree on 2/7/04.

As quoted in one of my books, I have to fly using my instrument panel. Meaning, I can't see what is going on, it is dark and stormy, and the only way I can get where I want to go is to watch my instruments (stick to my plan, read my books, make myself happy) and not concentrate on what is going on outside the airplane, because it is confusing and disorienting and will cause me to crash if I focus on it. Does that make sense? That was from a book the counselor at my church recommended called "Love Life for Every Married Couple" by Ed Wheat. It even has a chapter on how to make your marriage work when you are the only one who wants it to work. It actually follows a lot of the stuff on this site. You've probably already read it!

Thanks! I'll have to look for that book. Trying to keep the anxiety down today.Trying not to obsess about what she is going to say to me today. She hasn't dropped the dog off on sunday with me there yet.Guess last wed. when I asked if I'd see her on sun. and she said yes,it was because I will see her with D papers.

My WW just called,she was at the house. No mention of the D papers.Probably on the counter waiting for me.She wanted to know where the cd's were from her blazer.I made small talk of the vehicle repairs and our dog.

Hanging up I said"seeya sweetie,nice talking to you." She said"nice talking to you to." She sounded so upbeat and happy.Fog must be thick today.Dropping the dog off so early,must have exciting things planned for today with OM.

Well, let us know. I think it is better that you weren't there. It would be very hard not to LB. I always thought I could keep from it, but they managed to slip out.

Hang in there.