hello all

My W has been having an ongoin emotional thing. She finally told me about some of her feeling but says she is just friends with the OM now.
I think this is just so my W can rationalize by saying that she tried but it didn'd work out.
There is still some deception on the part of W.
W has bought OM some expensive gifts and when confronted, lied.
I think the OM is pressing her to leave but W seems torn. W knows how much pain i have and says it she doesn't want to cause pain.
I continue to be avialable but am beginning to feel like it is enabling.
W's family knows some just from seeing and disapproves. I have know for a few months but W wouldn't admit till just a few days ago.

What do you all think?

hurtinbad,

Welcome to MB ... please go though the basic concept and read the general welcome and read as much as you can about MB. You need to understand basic concept as much as you can. Hang in there ... you are in a 'coaster ride of your life. Get conseling with MB if you can afford it ... it is cheaper than lawyer's retainer and might save your M or your sanity.

Shut up and don't talk about R or OM w/ WW unless she brought it up. Chances it would drained your LU$ and you might LB.

Now what was her complaints about you before d-day way back 2-3 years that she nagged you but you never fix it ... if shows up as her excuse to have OM ... those are your Plan A action list. Focus on those. Also you have to guess her top 5 ENs and fill in as much as she allows you to.

How long ? ... until you start resent her and start LB'ng ... or you have done your plan A lists and she acknowledge it and still "waffles".

Now what do you know about OM ? ... is he M ? ... then call his W ... if he is in military ... call his command !. Let the cicle of day light getting bigger on her A. Put pressure on A ... let them see if this A survive day light. You have the cell# ... it is easy to find out all the rest ... you could pay to find out everything about OM.

Please post here with more details & questions, including your profile.

-rh-

Thanks redhat.

I read Dr H's Basic Concepts back in Oct 03 and started to work on putting deposits in the LB every time the teller was open. W is in Taker but 2-3 yrs ago was Giver. I had some family trouble, parent died, much grief. then some health problems. Was very inside myself to point of neglect. Withdrew many LU's. Started coming out about 1yr ago and showing interest. Got W involved in new hobby to do things together. New hobby led to meeting OM. OM gives lessons in new hobby, W started taking lessons. OM had trouble w/girlfriend and W was shoulder. W started using his should about me. In meantime have been still depositing LU's as much as allowed. d-day was last friday.
Om is single, nevermarried.
BH mid forties
WW late thirties
OM early thirties
M 9 1/2yrs

Inform his GF !. Not to alarm you ... if your W has PA are you still want this M ?. Think of the worst ... to get prepared emotionally.

How are you doing in plan A ?. did you address all the issues ?. If you did .. it is time to start thinking about plan B. Please put detail on this one. I am leaning for you to plan B her if she don't want to cut ties ... you had been doing plan A and it is effective ... now D-day comes.

Is he ready to take W ? have you meet the guy and told him to back off and find out what is his intention ? ... do you think you are cool enough to hold your emotion ?

-rh-

Hi there,

My SO is in the same state of fog denying they have any contact but found out yesterday that they were still sending each other yahoo greetings with "forever" etched on their cards. Found OW's phone number on one of the vtexts that he sent and just lost it. Called OW and confronted her but she told all about her illusions of marrying my fiancee and living together with him. The nerve of the OW!!! Was so mad at my fiancee that I went postal and just wanted to leave and forget about Plan A. He promised NC but this morning still can't do it. He said anyone can write NC but if they still want to contact they will so he said he'll just be an action man and not do any contact. Why don't I believe him? He said that his feelings for her was really something he's never felt before to which I reply of course when you're in the fog you think you're soulmates! He seems to recognize it for an instant but the pull of the feeling I think is so great for them that they still want to protect the OW. Why is that? I do not understand because I was the one that needs to be protected from all this pain.
We had lunch coz he didn't want to leave me coz he was afraid I would do something stupid like suicide or what and he said he'll take care of me but he also needs for us to give each other breathing room so we can reassess the situation.
Right now I will follow everyone's advise to take care of myself and trust God that whatever happens happen. When is enough enough? I've read cmj's story here and wow isn't she a very patient W? How do you keep your cool when you see moments of weakness from them and contact the OW/OM? Please advise!
Betrayed Fiancee
5 years living together
1 house
1 son

Wow BF! I understand your pain. Sometimes it gets so bad that it just can't be described.

redhat, thanks
The OM is no longer with the GF he had.
I do know the OM but confronting him is not an option for very good reason. The details are kind of scary and not good to share on an open board. OM can't really take on W. The OM has a history of moving from GF to GF. The pattern I see is he starts off depositing many LU's then once his mark is hooked begins to take.

I suspect that they may have gone to a PA.
I would still want to keep the M.
I am still working on addressing all the issues on plan A but I have covered most.

Then it is time to draft plan B letter. If you think you have cover plan A and has given time and she acknowledge it ... don't stay too long in plan A!.

Knowing that
1. You has done everything to save this M
2. WW is waffeling (effect of plan A)
3. OM is not ready
Then
Push WW to OM and let him try, if you stay too long now you will give time for their work A out slowly.

Just my 2 ¢ -rh-

I think you may be right. It is almost like the OM is doing a plan B on her right now.
It's hard because I want to be there for her.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hurtinbad:
<strong> I think you may be right. It is almost like the OM is doing a plan B on her right now.
It's hard because I want to be there for her. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You mean they have no contact ?. How long were you doing plan A ?. This is probably the best time to do plan B otherwise you have to do plan A doormat ... I don't know if you are up to it. I did it b/c of custody my 2 D but I won't wish it even for my worst enemy.

Get the plan B logistic & draft letter going

-rh-

No, they still have contact. There is conflict in between them that I see. OM wants distance, WW wants to keep him close.

get plan B going ... draft, logistic ... he might push your WW to move out. You need to help her to move out then plan B.

-rh-