I was amazed at how similar some of the recent experiences we have had are so close to one another re: those in Plan B. I could use some advice. Moved to Plan B because WS would not break contact with OW and due to blow up due to my inability to effectively not do LB (e.g., constant checking up, wanting to know every detail, etc). Moved out on Jan 1 after I asked him to which I now regret. He continues contact with the house by coming and going whenever he finds it "convenient" and usually when I'm not here. We are seeing seperate therapists. When he does stop by, I feel the incredible need to just fall into his arms and talk through my feelings. This exhausts him. I'm feeling the incredible need to help him get in touch with himself, to understand what behaviors lead us down our path (not focusing on each others needs), etc. On Mon, he seemed open to MB plan, His Needs/Her Needs. Tues - tired of Psycho babble and dismissed me. When we are in contact and I ask him where he stands with us, he says he doesn't know. Apathetic about everything. "Whatever". He has said he will see me this weekend. I'm thinking I should avoid initiating any discussion on our problems and just try and be together. Let him be the initiator. Any advice. Should I avoid ALL contact with him? Is just being here and available on his terms enough to begin reconcilation?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In my opinion, you should remain in Plan B with NC with WH. If he is still seeing OW and not writing NC letter to her Plan B is your best chance.

It will probably be a few months before he is ready to reconcile. If you get out of Plan B and start talking relationship again, you will regret it, and be right back on the rollercoaster.

believer, I have always valued your wisdom and appreciate that you responded to my post. In reading through more of what Plan A and Plan B are, I think we may be still in Plan A. He is working on trying to understand himself. Me the same. I have no idea if he is still in contact with OW and, frankly, I don't want to press this issue. To me it is a bit irrelevant as OW is merely symptom of our problems. Plan A moves towards getting WS to see the goodness that there is at home. Unfortunately, he is not here all the time to see my changes in behaviors/attitudes and this hurts. At times, he is more free with discussing things with me re: source of our problems. He continues to stay connected to the house by doing many of his original "domestic" duties. I fully understand that he is torn between our world and a foreign world. But if I abandon Plan A behavior, won't this push him into the foreign world rather than having him see that our world is righteous and good. That his safe harbour is really here. The OW is a symptom of much deeper issues that he needs to resolve in himself. I have taken responsibility for my own issues and am working on them. But, my intuition (experience + wisdom) tells me that he could use my support to help him on his journey to finding himself. To rebuilding his self-esteem. I don't want to abandon him in his time of need. I love him far too much for that.

Montanasky - I thought your were in Plan B. If you are in Plan A, that is good. You should keep up with it for several months. Then if you are starting to lose love for him and he is still with OW, time for Plan B.