Well, it seems as though there is nothing left I can do. I will have about 2 months of Plan B before the Dv is final. My H has noticed how sad I am and says there is something wrong w/ me. I guess it's not affecting him as much b/c he already moved on w/ and started a new romance 6 months ago (!). So, he's had a lot of time to adjust.

Should I ask him to have his own counseling session w/ the Harleys - I doubt he'll want to do this - but I can tell him that it will just help me to understand what happened and move on, if necessary. I feel like this is a last ditch effort on my part - what else can I do??

Also, here's my final version of my Plan B letter:

Dear H,

I love you. Just a few days ago you told me again that you still love me and you said that you are willing to put "everything" into making our marriage work if it is possible. H, it is possible. When I married you, it was for life, and my vows meant that I promised to never give up on our marriage or on our love, no matter what happens. I have learned a lot from this experience – including a lot about relationships and how to make them work – and I know that we can repair our relationship and have a loving, happy marriage that fulfills all of our needs.

However, we can't have this, or continue to discuss our relationship, while you are seeing another woman. I must end all contact with you. This is not to punish you in any way. It is because I am deeply hurt by what has happened and if I continue to be exposed to this situation, I will lose my love for you and I don't want that to happen. When your affair is over, I hope we can discuss our relationship and our future together. Until then, I will continue to keep my marriage vows to you.

Please take care of yourself while we are apart.

Love, your wife,

Christy


P.S. OW - Your relationship with my husband has damaged our marriage and my attempts to repair it. I love my husband and I want our marriage to work. All I can do is ask that you respect our marriage by ending your relationship, and all contact, with my husband.

oldsoul,

Good and to the point. However you didn't include the logictic of contact ... i.e do you have children ? who is the intermidiary between the two of you ?.

-rh-

Redhat - Thanks for the response. No C (just my dog <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> - he wants us to "share" custody of her, but I think it will be too painful and I need a clean break - on the other hand, not letting him see the dog is probably a HUGE LB. Should I let him see her?

What did you think of asking him to have a phone consult w/ Dr Harley? (although I doubt he'll agree)

What do you think of giving him a quick summary of "how" we can repair the marriage (i.e. that it IS possible) before I give him the Plan B letter - I thought it might be good to quote a little from the stories in the book just to show him that even if he is "in love" w/ OW and hates me, we can rebuild this and we may regret it if we don't try.

I guess I feel like my Plan B letter will be met w/ the following: fine, leave, I don't care. Last night my H said I could sleep with anyone I wanted & he didn't care & thought I already was doing this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Sometimes I think that even this marriage is beyond a miracle.

Help

I think you should let him see the dog but only exchanges and get some intermidiary person to help out.

I don't think you should lecture your WH ... it is futile at this point and chances are he would LB.

You should not give impression that you are sleeping around already, you should correct that impression.

-rh-

I am DEFINITELY not sleeping around - or anything w/ anyone. I know what my H is doing and it has torn my heart out, but I'm just not a vengeful person. I'm so hurt that I can't even imagine it right now.

thanks for the advice!!