I am struggling with the thought that I need to move to a real definite Plan B with my wife ASAP. I have been chastised on this board by at least one person because I have been doing a modified Plan B (i.e. no letter, and no telling my wife), which in my mind means no contact except where it deals with the children. The chastiser has told me that my silent treatment is a big LB.

My wife has been leading an unhealthy lifestyle in my estimation and is taking contraceptives. My problem is that I do not know beyond the shadow of a doubt that my wife is having an EA or PA, though I know she craves attention from men.

Plan A never worked for me, and I very consistently applied the principles for about 9.5 months until I could no longer take the rejection and hard-heartedness of my wife. She simply refused to make any further efforts on the marriage and divorced me in her heart in October 2002. I moved out on July 24th, which continues to be the worst day of my life.

Some people have told me that Plan B will never work unless Plan A was at least partially successful. The main reason I think Plan A never worked for me is because I insisted on staying in the house for the entire 9.5 months even though my wife made it clear she wanted me out of her life at that time. In short, I probably committed the biggest LB by staying, which lessened the possibility that me trying to meet ENs would even work.

Now, I am finding that I desire to tell my wife that I know about the contraceptives and I know about her party lifestyle and I can no longer have contact with her because I do not wish to lose what little love I have left for her. I want to tell her that she has to decide to abandon her current lifestyle and OM (if she has one) and make an effort on the marriage in order for me to resume a relationship with her. The trouble is it sounds quite lame if there really isn't another man (she did deny any OM when we had a 76 minute phone conversation about 3 weeks ago).

I don't really think this will work, as nothing else has. But, I am at the end of my rope and have no other options. I would have done a true Plan B much earlier if it wasn't for my 4 children.

Do I confront and do a true Plan B (meaning no contact, nothing) if there is a chance there is no EA/PA? Appeasing my wife for months has got me nowhere, except depressed and emasculated.

All comments very much appreciated!!

SBNS