m01069,

Do I continue to show affection? <<< YES

Could I relay my sexual frustrations? <<< YES

You see as long as you have an open communication and th intent of communication is not for manipulating nor finding fault ... it should be encourage.

Initially it is ackward to do those ENs stuff but it would become natural as time goes on. Just enjoy it.

-rh-

Redhat

You are awesome in my book. I thrive off of the positive insights you give.

U R welcome <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> -hxk-

Redhat

H was home last night, and is home this am. Things went O.K., he slept most of the time, I don't blame him. He's been pulling 18 hour days for weeks.

We didn't talk about us at all, which was a good relief.

Question. We did have oral. When I pushed for "whole kit and kaboodle" needless to say "soldier down".

Afterwards I asked him why, he didn't answer me. I told him there is nothing to be afraid of, he should not be afraid of me.

What's your opinion?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by m01069:
<strong>Afterwards I asked him why, he didn't answer me. I told him there is nothing to be afraid of, he should not be afraid of me.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have both of you talk about sex w/ OM/OW ?. Some BS would kind of wondering specially if this is a new trick <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> that just happen after A.

Don't read too much into it ... he will explain himself up when he is ready. Be patience.

-rh-

Redhat

He has flat out denied PA. Swore to it. I am not finding any evidence of PA. His layovers at night are 6-8 hours away from here where if there is a PA, that's where it's happening. Thought of hiring PI, but you know what? It's not going to do me a damn bit of good to know. He HAS to work, no room for transfers at this point, low man on totem pole so to speak. And I have a temper that could snap necks when it comes to infidelity.

I know it all looks like PA, but I'm not too sure. My H is pretty modest in that area. Was never one to talk about sex without getting all embar-assed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am thinking that full intercourse could and probably would bring back a whole wave of emotions to him for me and maybe that's what he is scared of?

I told him last night, it was just sex, plain and simple, nothing more. Back when we first started dating we had sex (sorry mom), and we weren't "in love" yet.

Do you get where I'm going with this Redhat?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by m01069:
<strong>Do you get where I'm going with this Redhat? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeap ... but love making is not sex ... there are holding, fondeling, kissing, rubing and more. The key in here you fillin ENs as much as WS allows you to.

Do you have to say that it is only sex to make him comfortable doing it ?.

-rh-

m01069 et al,

I wish I could convince my STB(ITDC)XW (soon to be(if things don't change)ex-wife) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> that it is just sex nothing more. Because, like you m I think that it would touch upon emotions that she may have forgotten that she has! (or something like that) but she says that it wouldn't be right, because she has filed D papers. I say, hey like it or not, we are still married, so why not!?

Anyway, I think you are doing the right things, and I wish you the best of luck.

God bless,

r0uter

Redhat

I crashed and burned today. H and I started talking about us. Talk started out fine, same circles as always. He says he is looking for an inner peace inside of him and wants me to do the same. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> He says that day he told me all this crap, he found a big part of his inner peace. He wants his own bedroom, wants an emotional divorce. But has this picture in his pointy head that we are still going to participate with kids together, vacations, outings. When I said that he's taken these kids dreams and shattered them he couldn't understand why we couldn't continue doing things together with the kids, stay married, lead seperate lives, but live together <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Then we got on subject of OW, whom he still swears is just trying to help her seek help for physical abuse. I happened to mention why do you have to call her so much. (I get the cell bills). I said you call her 100 times more than you call your own kids. Well, the dumby replied that he is just checking to see how she's doing.

Well, As I tried to calmly say that he doesn't even call on his own kids to check on them, my pressure went through my ceiling and I almost through a chair at him, went down to basement and started throwing everything I could get my hands on around, he came down and I was crying that I hated him for what he has done to me and the kids, all the while, he held me saying I know you hate me, I know.

I take credit for this boo boo. I initiated the conversation. I asked him that maybe we should think about getting rid of the animals, slowly start downsizing the house so maybe the IMPACT won't be SO great on these little girls. Why can't I just shut the F up?

This site is all I have, I can't bring this to my sister and mom anymore. There are 3 new cases of cancer in my extended family, closest one is my brother's wife. I have been telling them that everything between H and I is going o.k. so they have one less worry on their shoulders. Days come that I dont' want to go on anymore. I told H today that I think it would be easier if girls and I moved away so I can listen to their dreams and fulfill them. Their dreams right now consist of mommy and daddy, I don't have control over that. That's what's killing me, Their dreams.

m01069,

Either you do good plan A or go straight to plan B ... doing half way job it is only going to burn your LU$ and go to Dv.

Hang in there and avoid talking about R ... bite your tounge and picture that H is talking about how bad you are to OW.

-rh-

Redhat,

You are so right, I am going to plan "P", I had first consult with Penny last night.

m01069,

You are in a good hand ... what ever the outcome is you will survive this A.

-rh-

Redhat

I am moving out of infidelity forum and might just observe over at emotional needs for now.

I had long talk on phone with H last night. I even called the girl that I was suspicious of. I am very convinced that they are not having A. She is physically abused and my H is the type that loves to help people, he's in the army and on the Fire Dept so it shows he loves to help people.

The girl and I really had a nice talk and she told me about why H was trying to help her out. She came into work all beat up one day.

Talk with H and I focused on me changing and he said that's why he is doing it this way. He need me to change for myself, not him. Which he has a point. I told him that by him pushing me away it is giving me way too much to think about and I can't focus on me. He kept saying not to think about us, think about me.

In short, hopefully I broke through to him that I need him to meet me half way to give me some sort of comfort so I can continue with myself.

Redhat, you've been great. I thank you for all your advise and wish you all the best in the future. This site has been a godsent.

One more thing. One thing I have learned is that you NEVER know what tomorrow will bring. With that said, who knows, I could be back in this forum begging for help again.

I can only hope not.

m01069,

You are welcome ... also please read language of love from G. Smally. It is usefull book.

You know that you caught this early otherwise it might went somewhere ... if ones fails to put up their guard ... it opens up to an A. Just looks at the NY F dept.

Good luck and may you be bless w/ fullfiling M.

-rh-