I really messed up last year and had an affair. A few months ago I broke things off with the OM and both my husband and myself have been trying to improve our marriage. The OM hasn't been dealing with it very well. Over Christmas while we were gone visiting relatives for a few days the OM broke into our house and stole a bunch of pictures from my husbands computer. I feel incredibly guilty because it's my fault that he knew how to get into our home. Calling the police seemed useless at the time because we have no way of proving that it was him (we would also have to explain to the police how we know it was him). Nothing else was stolen that we have noticed yet. The OM is an officer in one of the armed forces, which makes things even more complicated. Any advice would be welcome. We have no urge to destroy this man's life but he really overstepped a boundry here. My husband and I are already planning on moving but we won't be able to for at least six months and I'm not sure how we are going to stay sane until then.

KBear -- <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>We have no urge to destroy this man's life but he really overstepped a boundry here.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>This statement alone says everything you need to know. Your XOM is stalking you you. He knows how to get into your house, and into your H's computer.<P>You have got to protect yourself!!!!!<P>Change the locks, get rid of the "hidden" key, Password protect the computer . . . Do what ever you have to but you need to protect yourself and your H from this person. Even if that means filing a restraining order or seeking other legal remedies against XOM.<P>God Bless

Thanks, it's still hard to admit that this person whom I trusted could do something so stupid. Any advice on how others have gotten through the period where contact has been broken but because of our situation we can't really avoid seeing him until we have moved. <p>[This message has been edited by KBear (edited January 01, 2000).]

How does your H feel about all of this. When my H was still here I hated telling how the OW was calling here and saying weird stuff to me. I let it slide. It got me nowhere. Now that H is gone, she has called here and even talked to my daughters (7&9). Since, then I went down to the Prosecuters Office, but they were convinced that I wasn't telling the truth because I had never reported it to police or when it first happened. I would at least call the police or go down there and get a report made out. Just because you make out a report doesn't mean that you have to file charges and it also doesn't mean that you have to explain the "situation". This will safeguard you if he does anything else. Who knows what else he has up his sleeve. This could be minor compared to a future "break in". I know it is hard to get someone in trouble that you know. I am going through that right now with my H. He has done some pretty nasty stuff to me, but somehow I have lived with it and passed it off to be some kind of MENTAL thing. Well now he is just plain off being a butt, but to go to the police or court house gets me nowhere because I only look like I am being vindictive or bitter. So, get down there and get the report made out......it may save you in the long run.<BR>Nancy

Kbear,<P>An officer in the military is held to higher standards than other people because he frequently holds the lives of other people in their hands. As someone who is an ex-officer and the son of a career officer: Turn him in. Breaking into someones house is not acceptable under any circumstances and certainly not this one. <P>His affair with you may have been at least half your fault but he was in it voluntarily.He knows the consequences for such actions. <P>By all means turn him in. This is a very bad situation. And by the way change the locks and combinations to your house.<P>JL<p>[This message has been edited by Just Learning (edited January 01, 2000).]

Pride is probably stopping us more than anything from filing a police report. It's been very hard on H dealing with this and the less fuss made about it, hopefully, the easier it will be for him. We've fixed the locks on our house so he won't be able to break in again without actually breaking a door down or breaking a window. I still have immense guilt though because I gave him the info to get into our home. As for H, when we move it will be alot better for him. We live nearby OM. He seems to always find a way to start contact, whether he's just making himself available or finding a "valid reason" to call. I made things worse by calling him, which H insists is what he wanted from all of this anyway, and asked him if he had gone insane recently. <P>As for how H is coping he is trying very hard to be supportive and still keep himself together. He has said more than once that what gets him through is remembering that we will be moving soon and then OM won't be close enough to interupt our lives so easily. This is pretty much what gets me through also.<P>PS It's been two days since the break in. H has offered to call and see if it's to late to at least file a report of some kind so that at least it's on record that someone did break in. <BR><p>[This message has been edited by KBear (edited January 02, 2000).]