HRB -
If you like the house and neighborhood, keep it and buy her out. She has already told you that she and OM and going to buy a house when yours sells. So this will give her a nice downpayment, and maybe she can help him with child support and alimony. Hehe.

It's obvious that she is completely out-of-her- mind, in-the-fog. If you are able to keep the house, you won't get sucked in. Why should OM live in your house? That's completely unacceptable.

She is on her way to losing lots of money. So you need to be calm and smart. If you let OM move into your house, and then it doesn't work out for them (and we know it won't), it will ruin the house for you. There will be too many triggers. Let them buy their own little love nest. Then she can deal with whatever happens.

I got approved for financiang to keep my house. That sidetracked happiness lasted for a couple of hours. Until I came home and she wasn't there.

When I appoached the W with the payout, she had indicated she was thinking the same thing, that her and the other guy were thinkin to move in our home. And I asked how does the OM think about that - she indicated - it doesn't matter to him that they live here.(yikes creepy)

Anyways irrelevant, it looks like she'll accept the payout

For the time being I'm still Plan A ing, but lately the conversation seems to be only about closure, like what the bank said, what the lawyer said. blah blah. I find I'm drained after going over this petty stuff. Coming soon more petty stuff about who get's what. Probably lack of sleep and food intake isn;t helping

Any tips for moving our conversation anywhere else ?

It appears I may only have a 3 more weeks Plan A ing while she still living in our house... when she's there. Of course if she doesn't have a place yet she'll be welcome to stay after the payout until she has a place to go, more time for A ing.

After that Plan B is inevitable.

I geuss I have to accept the fact that she's gone, and there's nothing extrordinary I can do while Plan A ing to break this A up,
besides being pleasant,
leaving notes
trying to fit in my feelings for her when I can (her response - let's not rehash this)
giving her a fair deal,
and being positive and changing my outlook on life, which by the way is working , I'm liking who I am becoming and proud of how I'm handling this situation. Thanks MB.
and just living with her and enjoying her when I can, which is the way it should be, but it's empty with nothing coming back in return

She had asked if I was talkin to the OM's wife, because apparently the OM's wife and kids are giving the OM a rough time and I geuss she was curious if I was involved.
I told her absolutely not, haven't spoke to her since OM's wife told me about the A. (which is the truth)
I said that I'm not interested on what's happening, on that side, that I'm only dealing with our relationship and myself.

Should I have gotten more insight to what was going on there..
was she trying to share something with me?
if she was it was very akward for me and I thought at the time inappropriate.

Thanks MB for letting me share my thoughts here.
Still terribly in love.

Anyways irrelevant, it looks like she'll accept the payout
Make sure she signs a Quitclaim Deed. This will give you sole possesion and not only the mortgage.

Chris - Definitely posussion is coming over.
-------------------------------------------------------

For the time being I'm still Plan A ing, but lately the conversation seems to be only about
closure, like what the bank said, what the lawyer said. blah blah. I find I'm drained after going
over this petty stuff. Coming soon more petty stuff about who get's what. Probably lack of sleep and food intake isn;t helping

Any tips for moving our conversation anywhere else ?

It appears I may only have a 3 more weeks Plan A ing while she still living in our house... when
she's there. Of course if she doesn't have a place yet she'll be welcome to stay after the
payout until she has a place to go, more time for A ing.

After that Plan B is inevitable.

I geuss I have to accept the fact that she's gone, and there's nothing extrordinary I can do
while Plan A ing to break this A up,
besides being pleasant
leaving notes
trying to fit in my feelings for her when I can (her response - let's not rehash this)
giving her a fair deal,
and being positive and changing my outlook on life, which by the way is working , I'm liking
who I am becoming and proud of how I'm handling this situation. Thanks MB.
and just living with her and enjoying her when I can, which is the way it should be, but it's
empty with nothing coming back in return

She had asked if I was talkin to the OM's wife, because apparently the OM's wife and kids are
giving the OM a rough time and I geuss she was curious if I was involved.
I told her absolutely not, haven't spoke to her since OM's wife told me about the A. (which is
the truth)
I said that I'm not interested on what's happening, on that side, that I'm only dealing with our
relationship and myself.

Should I have gotten more insight to what was going on there..
was she trying to share something with me?
if she was it was very akward for me and I thought at the time inappropriate.

Thanks MB for letting me share my thoughts here.
Still terribly in love.

That is great news that you can keep the house. I am so happy for you. Because I am quite sure she will be back, minus a lot of money.

All you can do is stay in Plan A until she moves out. I think I would tell her that you need to take a break from all of this. Ask her if you two can just go out to eat. (or whatever you think she likes) Tell her you need a day without talking about all of this.

What kind of contact, if any, is acceptable during B with the ex.
We share a friends and family.
I think I know the answer, but maybe I'm afraid of the answer.

HRB

I'm at this point in Plan A and its starting to feel like Plan B. The W is hardly home, Never feels like talking when she is here, claims she doesn't receive my emails, simple ones even like 'I hope your day is going well, I'm picking up some groceries tonight, can I get you anything?' It's crazy, told me she doesn't want flowers anymore or notes or doesn't want to talk about us anymore. Our relationship wasn't that bad, we just didn't communicate about the problems, the problems are so small now, the only problem is how we handled them, I probably took our love for granted. All this seems so easy to workout, knowing how much I love her and want to care for her. Any suggestions on how to continue this plan A while it feels like B.

Like the rest of those in Plan A, just stick with it and have patience.

It will help if you can do some things for yourself to raise your self-esteem. Don't expect anything from her.

Question:
Is there anything to gain or that could help break up the A, by talking with the OM's wife ?
The OMs' wife was the one that first suspected the A and contacted me about the A.

<strong> I'm at this point in Plan A and its starting to feel like Plan B. The W is hardly </strong>

My interpretation? If you can't interact with her you can still do a Plan A. You can keep busy with things you've put off, either at your business, or around the house, or by exercising.

If you exercise, you work on your health, your feeling of well-being. While you're exercising, your attention is on the physical effort. Later, you feel good, and long term effects are benefit to your health appearance & outlook.
Re business/work? do backlogged stuff, reorganize.
Detail your car. Yourself.
Go through the garage, organize, throw stuff out.
Clean our your bureau, throw out raggedy tshirts & BVD's. Buy new ones.
Drag all your shoes out of the closet. Take any that need heels/soles to the shoemaker. Polish the ones that need it. Throw out the old basketball shoes.
And if that last one sounds silly, feminine, let me tell you it is very important.
People notice your shoes. I was taking bids for something on our house. One contractor showed up with household dust on his oxfords. Had he been wearing workboots with dried mud or plaster dust on them, I would have read into it that he was very busy in his work. Instead, what I read into his shoes was that seeing a customer was such a rare event that he never needed to wear his good shoes.
Also, that he didn't pay attention to details. (Not a good sign in a contractor.)
Unless you're an old hippie, when you see someone looking like they don't care about themselves, it doesn't make an attractive picture.
So, Plan A, taking care of yourself. Quietly sending a message that you are doing just fine, thank you. Plan A can send the message that you are not a pitiable schlub, that you have self-respect.

Also, reading between the lines, that since you are such a grownup, able to take care of yourself while your marriage is under attack, that when she wants to reconcile, you are ALSO able to take care of restoring your marriage. !!!

Plan A isn't over for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I need some serious guidance
The wife drops by tonight to pick up some things, says she'll meet me at the lawyer tommorrow to sign the house over to me. She has been living here since I found out about the A since mid Jan. Then I realize the whole time the OM is parked in his car in my driveway waiting for her. I asked her what the hell she was thinking and if she wanted to drive another stake in my heart, the stupid reply was I thought you wouldn't mind. Obviously l'm losing it here and go out and confront the guy to get off my driveway or come on out and deal with me.. Cooler heads prevail and nothing happened.
She leaves...
What do I say to her tommorrow
Should Plan B be now and ask her not to come home tommorrow.
This is disgraceful.

Is there anyone out there, has this happened or has anyone heard of this happening to someone.

I've ben Plan Aing for over a month but I think this is the final nail in Plan A,