I am so thankful that I found this website and the people on it. I believe that following the MB principles I have a much better chance of saving my marriage, but I know it will be hard. I am grateful for all the support that there is on these forum.
History:
I found out in mid-December that my husband had an EA with a co-worker that progressed very rapidly to a PA. (The whole thing had happened over about 2 1/2 months.) She was in the process of deciding to leave her husband, and he comforted her, and they both decided that she a deserved better man - my husband.
When I found out, he said he didn't think he could give her up, I got the ILYBINILWY speech, and found that he felt that I had not been meeting his needs for years (when I asked later why he hadn't told me he felt this way, he said that he "didn't want to hurt my feelings"). She is his Muse, and I am a good friend and a good mother to his children. I think that part of this is foggy talk rewriting history, but he believes it right now.
Since I knew this woman (she and I and my husband all work in a 300 person division) and had been on a friendly basis with her, I met with her, and with tears in her eyes she agreed to "not see him again". But contact continued, and around the first week of January I begged her to not be in contact with him AT ALL. I think she did, because he got furious with me and told me that he wanted to see if he could develop a relationship with HER, and that he would not even think about trying to work with me on our marriage until he had found out whether THEY could develop a relationship. (I am no longer in contact with OW.)
A couple of weeks later he told me that he needed to move out to "decide what he wanted". I understand that this is code for "I want a place to have OW over without interference."
His family has stopped talking to him over this, they want him to work with me and save the marriage.
I know that at this time, he does not intend to hurt us financially, but then again, this is not the man I knew and I will protect our sons and myself in any legally filed document.
And after all the background, here are my questions:
How do I do an effective plan A when he won't let me fill the EN's he said I hadn't been filling (being warm to his friends and family), romance and SF? (And of course someone else is filling SF now.)
And, when it gets to it, how do I plan B while we all work together?
Thank you all for your stories, they give me hope. I want to be one of the MB successes.
