Well two more days to go and H brings the girls home. They have been gone since the day after Christmas. Although he turns off the ringer and doesn't let them talk to me, I did get to talk to them on Wed. They were both crying and wanted to come home. I calmed them down and told them I would see them on Monday. I miss them so much, but my H needs to face reality and see what it is like to not be able to go anywhere without the girls. I got home today and saw that he had called 4 times. I have been good.....didn't call him back. I figured that he was calling to see if he could drop them off early. Since it is a great football week-end....I'm sure the bars and beer look pretty good right now for him....but surprise....he can't go because of the girls. Gee I feel so bad. LOL Probably hasn't been able to see OW or the many others he claims to be bedding. Maybe he is having withdraws...who knows. Hope everyone had a good new years eve. I wished I could have spent it with my H and the girls but I made it through it with minimal crying. <BR>Nancy

Nancy,<P>As I remember you're in a kind of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>...<P>I personally think that answering the phone (or calling back after his call)... isn't against <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>. What if it was an emergency... what if the kids want to talk(<B>no contact</B> is for H not your girls)...<P>If he wants to dump on you... or avoid his responsibilities... graciously saying <B>no</B> and hanging up is <B>OK</B>...<P>What do you think?<P>Jim

Jim,<BR>I have been doing that for about 3 months. He has only had the girls for one full week-end since May. Otherwise he drops them off a day early or doesn't even keep them one full day. I have been dealing with this for some time. He will actually tell the girls he wants to bring them home early so he can go to the bars and drink. He is also wanting custody and he needs to get a grip on reality. For months I have done for him and the girls. I take them back with a smile....feed them...because he hasn't all day.......and play games or read with them. I know it is hard on the girls but I have been instructed by my attorney and the counselor that we see to not take them back at his beck and call. The girls would have called me again if it was an emergency or they or he would have called my mom or a friend. Besides when I talk to the girls they cry and he becomes very angry with them and screams and yells. Seems this way is best. He is angry that they don't want anything to with him. I have felt sorry for him long enough. Besides, this time has allowed me to think and am really starting to feel better about myself and this whole thing. I know, it seems kind of hard....but he has to know that I am not his wife anymore and he can't keep expecting me to catch him when he falls or help him because of his alcohol problems.<BR>Nancy

Yeah... Nancy...<P>You're right in the way you're handling this... I didn't understand the details.<P>The custody issue will be easier for you if you journal all these problems... alcohol, early returns, girls crying etc.<P>It's sad to see things heading this way...<BR>I feel, unless something dramatic happens... my path will be in your footsteps too!<P>Hang in there...<BR>Let hope live in the recesses of your mind...<BR>But live life to it's fullest with your girls...<BR>My kids are a treasure I cannot live without!<P>Jim

I know that this seems cold....but he has the right to spend quality time with his children. Since the courts don't seem to think that his verbal abuse to them is bad, there is nothing I can do. I would love for him to go to some parenting classes and for them to have a wonderful, healthy relationship. Doesn't look like it is going to happen. I just know that I must keep on being nice to him and not say anything negative about him in front of the girls. They will/have discovered what he is all about now. If they chose not to have a relationship with their dad I want it to come from them, not me. I want it to be their decision. I know from what they say right now, he is looking at a pretty lonely existence because neither one of them like him. A lot of me feels sorry for him, but a small piece almost feels like saying...It serves you right...I know, not very nice....but sometimes it is real hard.<BR>Nancy