Thanks NY.

I was really really sad. But I feel better now. We just had dinner. H is still nowhere to be found. He didn't answer my call of cause.

But the most important thing is that the A is getting more and more clear. OW's husband confirmed that she left about 11 am this morning with out trace, exactly the same time H left. He also confirmed that last week 3 nights when H disappeared, she disappeared too. He lost his job and stays at home now. So she can go just leaving the children to him.

OW's H just called to asked me what to do. I told him to come on board. Then we will get hard evidence. He will call my H to ask him to stop. I will do what ever to confront him to. I can't stand it anymore.

Lostnhurt,

Let us know how you are.I hope you are ok or found some help maybe thru a crisis hot line if you need to.We need to have a talk about this WH of yours.This whole situation is NOT working.

O

L&H

I am glad you are good. I know all about really really sad. I was really sad last night also. Whenever he comes it is sad for me. I like it better when he is not here. I am seriously thinking about the plan B. I don't think he will care or it will bring him home, but it would be better for me and my state of mind and that is what matters. It hurts me tremendously when he comes here. He is my H and I love him so much and he feels nothing for me. I am going to consider plan B after this week. I am going to execute plan A one more week and then go straight into the plan B phase I think. I really need a break from him. I hope you are better. We are here for you. Of course I am going off to sleepy land right now. But I will be here for you tomorrow again. Have a good night. Don't worry it will work itself out, that is how I am doing. One day at a time. I do not look into the future, just one day at a time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks a lot.

What do I need to talk about WH?

Call out to Oct in the subject line. She will answer and you can chat with her about the WH problem. Obviously things aren't working for you the way they are. Take her advice and sit with it for a while. Amy Maree also has great advice. Have a good night please!

Hi again,

I see you found your way back here,that's good.

Listen,you and this OW husband may never actually find hard evidence of an affair but it is taking an extreme emotional toll on you.That has to stop and how you can help stop it is to find some strength within you and confront your H calmly but firmly about your suspicions.If you engage him in a non threatening way,he may just finally blurt it out,then again maybe not but it's time to put your foot down and "stop the madness".

You have a right to know why he is acting the way he is,it is harmful to your wellbeing as well as your kids and you have to stand up and let him know in no uncertain terms that this will not continue.Even if you need to say something like,"I don't know what is going on but I am confused about your reactions toward me and the children,your disappearances and I would like some answers,if you are unable to be open and honest with me then I may need to seek legal counsel regarding our marriage".
Something to shake him up but in a *non confrontational manner.

I personally don't thin you need to have a boatload of evidence to say,what a minute,are you having an affair? There is nothing wrong with actually asking,you do have that right and he does have a responsibility to tell you even though he may not,but the point is you have to let him know that you are on to him and you are going to be a force to reckin with.Don't let him steamroll you,gather whatever strength you can,get the kids to stay with a relative and chose your day and time to start turning this around.

More later.

o

O and everyone,

Thanks for your advice. I already confronted him once. Things are just getting sneakier. But this pattern of disappearing is the best proof. He kept saying he was with co-workers. One day is this one, the other day is the other one. I don't believe him at all.

If you see what I posted earlier. He started with asking me for a D. He said he doesn't love me anymore. he wants to get a "peaceful" divorce. It is only good for the kids and me. (you know what, I found all these exactly in Dobson's book, it seemed that he read the book and recited to me. What a joke!) He stays here right now is just for the kids. I don't see how that benifit the kids. Last week, T, he didn't come home till 1am, THursday, didn't come home till 2am, Friday, didn't come till 4am.

How do I confront him again calmly. He denied totally last time. After I confronted him, what do I do? Plan B. I am having a headach.

I'm back.Had to get the kids to bed.

I need to clarify the "confrontation".Take that as meaning engage in conversation about your suspicions in a *non threatening way,that is what I meant.The later it gets in the evening,the more typos there are and the wording gets confusing.lol

Anyway,I'll check in on you tomorrow.I hope you are able to get some rest tonight.Hang in there.

O

He just walked in. I asked him calmly where did you go? He said, it is not your business. Why should I tell you where I went. I said I have a right. He said, I went dating. Ok, with whom? It is not your business. He gets mad, and walk away. There is no way I can talk to this mad cow!

I'm back home. Your call was on my answering machine. Wow it seems like you have found out and OW's H will now be on your side. See if he will start posting here.

Now that he is suspicious it will put some pressure on the A. That is very good.

Please try to take care of yourself. Your children need one stable parent.

Lost,

Are you now in contact with OW husband? He could be a great ally.That is good like believer said.The both of you can now put pressure on them at home until one of them cracks and the news is out once and for all,then you can take a cue from either one and see where they will go with it.

Maybe one of them will move out or who knows what.When they get their backs up against the wall,you have to make sure you are strong and brace yourself.Remember to be NON confrontational,you can ask questions calmly but don't blow your stack.It is VITAL that you do not as much as you may want to.You will only feed the fire and that won't help.

Keep taking care of yourself,you will need all the strength you can get for what may come.Take vitamins,eat right,get sleep,take AD's,etc.etc and take care of those kids,help them,make their world a safe and happy one as best you can.You are on a mission now.

Lastly,if you can,start making copies of bank account statements,credit card bills,mutual funds,cell phone bills,all assets and so on if you have access.Start putting together a folder of these things and hide it or if you can give it to a reliable family member,do so.This is just prepatory,nothing more.

Be back later.

O

Believer,

I tried to call you again later. But your line was busy, I knew you were on line. But I was too tired to get back on line. I couldn't sleep either. I took another Xena. It put me in sleep, the side effect is that I am still very sleepy now.

This morning, we had another bathroom conversation. That is the only chance I can talk to him. Here is how it went.

Me: I felt very hurtful by your recent behavior.
H: What kind of behavior.
M: Your disappearance not telling me where your were and where you were with. you not coming home after midnight.
H: Why do I have to report to you. I need to have free time.
M: I am your wife. I need you to respect me as a person by telling what is happenning. Kids and I miss you too.
H: We are divorcing.
M: We are still married. Even though you don't consider I am your spouse emotionaly, but you need to repect me as a person. You said you wanted to be a friend, friend doesn't deserve this kind of treatment.
H: So I will move out, is this what you want. So I don't have to report to you. You are hurting me too. I hate you to check me around.
M: I am just telling you that you hurt me. This is my feeling. I need to know the truth. I did not say anyother thing.
H: I do everything at home, you are still not satisfied. you still need to check me and spy on me. I told you to go out yourself. If you keep doing this, I am mad. I don't like it.
M. I just said that I am hurt by your behavior. I need the truth. I have to go to work. We will talk later.

When I got the car, I cried so hard. It hurts. Then he called me. He said S is crying not want to go to school. Why is he like that. I said that he is like that lately, he mood is not stable. I will talk to him. S told me that he feels bored( I know it is the affect of what is going on at home), he doesn't want to go. I promised to talk to his teacher about it. I did tell her what is going at home and ask her to pay some attension to him.

Please advice me how to talk firm and without LB.

Sounds like you did just fine. I'm going to work now, will talk to you later.

I am not sure. I couldn't hold my tear. Should I talk to S. Harley again about what to do next?

Yes. He is the expert. You need expert advice at this critical time.

Believer,

Are you at work already? It is quick. I am sitting in my office trying to prepare a class. But I just can't concentrate. This is taking me to much. Imjust call to schedule, they are so busy. They need to return my call to schdule the appointment. There must be to many broken heart people.

I don't know whether I need to talk to his parents about the A. D called them last night telling them he is not coming home. Thye didn't realize what it is. They call him and tell him to saty home. He just say I know. But this man's heart is not here already. All he wants is to get of this M. Dobson's book is to let him go, set the cage free. Should I do that. Right now it is too painful. But if I let go, will he ever come back?

Wait for appointment with the Harleys. Things may be happening in OW's life right now that you know nothing about. Stay in Plan A right now. Do it for your kids.

Ok, I will still be in Plan A. But I need to confront him. Ow's H is going to call him to stop seeing her. It will make him mad.

Got an appointment with SH. It is on Thusday, the day i have more tests.

H just sent me an e-mail about going to a boyscout banquet as a family. I didn't reply. I am confused, mad and hurt.

Hang in there. You can do this.

Should I take money out? Where should i put it? Under a account of my own name?

I am taking care of all the bills. He is using a credit card under my name. He haven't given me a penny since Jan. I don't see too much change in spending in credit card. But he is using cash.