lostnhurt,

Watch out being a doormat plan A ... it never work with foghead!. I did it b/c I need custody of my 2 D.

What haven't you improve ? Do you have any R w/ your WH ?.

-rh-

Hope you are out having fun. SH is exactly right. I don't think you have to do too much investigating. This is all going to come to a head very soon.

Redhat, thanks for your concern. I am not a doormat. I know what I am doing. It just took me a lot of energy to it, because I have to constantly fight with my own mood. I am doing things as usual, no LB's, keeping myself up and strong. H already noticed that, he said that it made him feel UNCOMFORTABLE!

Believer, I had a good time with H's cousin last night. I cook the dinner, took care of kids homework before leaving. I told H that I was leaving 6pm, but he didn't come home till 6:30, and asked me why didn't I leave. I said that you were late, I can't leave the kids alone. He didn't appologize. I took a shower, put on make-ups and perfume. He finally asked me, where are you going? I said to meet a friend, then left. I felt so funny.

Then we cookded dinner and watched TV. It was very relaxing. She said that she is going to talk to H and his parents too. She will be very skillful. This is a very smart business women. She had her own buisness, but her H cheated her. In the evening, D called and asked me whether it is ok for dad to take her to bookstore. I said ok. I knew it is H's idea to check on me, he called too last time I met another couple of friends.

Then I came home at 10pm. Kids were in bed already. But they were all awake waiting for me. I kissed them goodnight so they can sleep. The kitchen was full of dishes and the left over food is still on the table. I had to clean up everything before go to bed. I was very very tired lately, but it still took me more then an hour to fall asleep. I feel good today. I prayed and thank GOD for everything. I will hang in there and be strong.

You are doing great. Keep it up. It is good to go out once in awhile. Keep making changes in the way you do things.

Try rearranging the things in the house and organizing. Always have a project to do. That will make you feel good about yourself.

Be good to yourself and take care of yourself. Things may happen very soon. The affair is under a lot of pressure right now. That is good.

Thanks for the encouragement.

I will have a spring break next week. So I have all the time at home. I decided that I even don't care H is home or not. I will have my hair done, rearrange the house, clean it. Go shopping and lunch with cousin.

H called her cousin the other night, mentioning that he had a friend with a condo to sell, which is the one OW's friend. So cousin siad she will ask him where it is b/c she is interested. Ah, we will go take a look at it. Next time he goes out, we will know where to wait for him.

I really believe that this A will come to an end fairly quickly. OW doesn't seem to want her H to know. Especially since she has small children, I think she will start cooling it.

I would just keep in touch with her H, letting him know each time your H disappears. Let him put the pressure on her. He may not believe anything is going on, but will not be able to keep on believing it when confronted with more information.

People that are not hiding something don't just keep disappearing. You may want to talk to her and tell her you know what is going on and are going to show her H proof. Don't say anything about the condo though. And don't tell your kids.

Good point. I am not telling anything to the kids. It is going to hurt them a lot. They are too young to understand.

I believe things are going to cool down soon. Today I found out that H had erased her phone # from his cell. It doen't mean that they don't contact, it just mena that they don't contact that way.

Starting next Sunday, I will be teaching Sunday school for little kids for 3 months. I am praying for strength to do that.

Sister ask me whether I can go for a vacation with her. I am thinking to go to a cruise with her by the end of April. But I am not sure whether it is good for the kids. I always want to have the vacation as a family togehter. I don't want them to think that mommy is going to have fun without them.

Sorry, mommy needs to have fun without them. You need to have a break once in awhile to get recharged. It will make you a better mother and in the end will benefit your kids.

Thanks for your input. I will search for some info now. Hope to get recharged. And hope that situation will get better by that time.

This afternoon, I will go to S school to see a conselor about S's reaction and how to deal with him. Tonight, we will go to a boy scout banquite as a family. I will enjoy it.

Believer, I read other posts you had. You said that you are a little depressed. I hope you will get out of it soon. You are so strong. I will pray for you. GOD bless you.

Don't worry, I'm just a little depressed. Realizing that I don't want H back is getting me down a bit.

Other than that I am doing fine, and life is good.

I learned not to worry now. I pray for you. Whatever decision you made, I hope that it is best for you.

Talked to the conselor this aftenoon. I still couldn't control my tear when talking my family situation. But I was able to get out quickly. Then I picked up S and came home. He read his learning log to me, where he always writes: Dear Mom, .... I reminded him many times to write dear Mom and Dad, he said he forgot. I said that you forgot you have a dad? He said that he is not with us much anyway. How sad I am when I heard that. I told him that we will keep praying for him. Dad will come back to us. he agreed.

H just called and said that he can not go to the boy scout banquet. He will not be home either.

I will take the kids to the banquet no matter he goes or not. But this bad feeling is coming bad again. I hate it. I am praying that it will go away. I will be strong. I want to be strong.

Go to the banquet and have a good time. Then tomorrow check with OW's H and see if she was gone too. They will not be able to keep this up. It will have to come out into the open.

Just came back from the banquet. It was nice one. Lots of people put a lot of work on it. The weblots brigded to Eagle trail.

But my heart was getting heavier and heavier. i kept praying, tried to get rid of that feeling. Till almost the end, I felt a little better. When we walked out of the church at 9pm, my cell phone rang. It was H calling from his office. I was a little bit supprised. he asked me whether it is over yet. I said it was just over. he said that he is still at work and had some emergency. He said that he didn't have dinner yet and will come home soon. But where his work was just about 1 mile from where the banquet was, about 6 miles from home. He is still not home. But I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. I really have to force myself to do that.

Today I got my Celexa, I just took the first one. I am going to bed and read some and have a good dream.

I am just physically TIRED. VERY VERY TIRED. I don't know how long I can stand for this.

sweetie-

You will stand this as long as you have to. Do it for your kids. You have been a strong woman. You can do this. I really believe that there are forces working for you that you don't know anything about.

Your WH's A is going to come to an end. Just hang in there. Continue to take care of yourself. Go on that cruise. Make your home a warm and nurturing place.

Believer, Thank you very very much. You are an angel. you suffered, but you still can comfort the others.

Yes, I do have faith. But there are moments of weakness. I will keep praying, for me and you, and all the people who suffer.

There is still a lot of hope for you. Do not give up. Women throughout the ages have had to be strong for their families. You can do this.

It was so nice to talk with you this morning. Why don't you post a new topic in general questions about dealing with WS's lack of caring about kids? They all do that and it would help you to see that there are tons of others fighting the same battle.