It is very very diffcult to me, emotionally and physically. I am SOOOOO tired.

Today's issue was that H want him to do some math practice, like 100 simple subtraction problems. In school, the goal is to have them done in 3 minutes. S can only do about 70 in 3 min. But I don't know what happened today, H want him to do it in 2. S has to finish it 2 min. He can not skip one, had to do it from left to right, top to bottom. S was crying and verr very upset. Now I am home, calm him down. I told him that he can do 2 min at a time, do it from let to right. It may not be all of them, but do whatever you can do. So finally, H said let your mom handle it. I thank him for being perservance.

I don't know whether I can do this anymore. My stomach feel sick. I can't it, I can't sleep. It is worst than death. H now went to sleep, he said he will be going out again tonight. I wish he never come back or got hit by a car.

No you don't wish that. It would be hurtful to your kids. Like I told you, put H on the back burner, and do things with your kids, work on your home.

You are getting much stronger than you started out. You can do this. Keep your eyes on the instrument panel.

Have you ever heard of feng-shui (SP?). I did it in my house when kids were your kids' age. My son was having trouble in math. I read up on it, and realized the head of his bed needed to be facing north. I moved his bed, and guess what? His grades came way up. I laughed about it and told him that was all he needed, moving the bed.

I have started doing it in my house now. It is lots of fun. It makes sense in the fact that it teaches you that even one messy area can take up all your energy.

Yes, you are right.

I know that in my heart, I need to do all these. But I just had no energy to do it. I feel like I am drawning, struggle first, now to tired, just let go. I am dying.

Yes you are worn out. That is why you need to completely forget about H right now and take care of you and kids. The more you do, the stonger you will become.

Just keep repeating that things will get better. Because they will. I can't even recognize the person I was before. It was so miserable then, and is so wonderful now. Realize that you will get there too.

S is still whining. I am too tired. I keep telling myself, I will be there. Thanks your encouragement.

Just my heart is very heavy. Outside it is sunnt, but it looks so dark to me. Please GOD, help me.

This mood rollercost is not fun at all. I am deep deep down now.

when will this end?

Someone please talk to me!

I tried to call everyone, just to talk. But no one answered. Everybody has their onw life. I am abandonded. H just flet out again. I don';t care where he is. But this terrible feeling hurts me a lot, a lot.

He treats me with no respect. He hates me. How can I live like this?

Lostnhurt-

He is acting like they all do. I wish you would post on general questions about how he is treating the kids. It would be helpful to you to see how many folks are in your position.

I am playing battleship with S. D went to her friend's house.

I called the pastro and prayed together. I know that I have to hang in there. i am trying to get rid of this bad feeling. I need to think of GOD, not him.

I wish some can call me, talk to me, and have fun,. Not just S and me. I am tired of shopping.

Call me if it gets too bad. I have your number, but it is at work.

Thanks. I may call you.

I may post in the general question. But I don;t want to lose this thread. i need to figure out how to link to this one.

I am hungry, but I don't want to eat. I am cold and shaking. But I can't show it to my children. I am thinking of Jesus. How he died for us.

Lostnhurt -

It was nice talking to you. It's great to hear from others that are going through the same thing. No one else knows how awful the pain is.

You are doing very well, talking to your H so kindly and gently. Keep it up. Show him the way back to his family.

Beliver,

Thank you for listening to me. Thanks for your encouragement. I will keep praying, for me, for you and everyone here.

Good night.

Lots of talks yesterday.

H talked to me for about an hour.

Then I talked to beleiever.

My sister called. In the middle of talking to her, H's cousin called. I was so moved, everyone encouraged me. I am praying that GOD give me more strength to hang in here. He send everyone to me.

H cam back about 3 or 4 am this morning. I just asked him, are you done with your work, he said yes. This morning, when I was up, he was up. I said why are you so early? he said get call from work again. Then he worked in the computer.

He came to the kitchen and looked awful. He said he had a sore throat. He needs to go back to sleep. I see him as a poor man, living in two lives. How can he keep it up?

He won't be able to keep this up much longer. He does not have too many options. I can't see him being with OW and her 2 little kids. She has dishonored her marriage. Sooner or later the fog will lift and he will see that.

Continue your Plan A. You should be elected Mrs. MarriageBuilder. You are doing very well. The only problem I see is that you need someone to meet your needs.

When I started all this and was so unhappy, I made a promise to myself that I would take care of me. So that's what I've done. You will have it harder because you also have your children to take care of. But you are much stronger than I am.

It is best for you to lean heavily on this board and all of the people here. Also you have your pastor and the Lord. Continue asking your sister and cousin for help too.

The Lord will be carrying you through this and sending you people to help you.

I will keep posting here. I got lots of couragement from here.

I also found a slip in his pocket.

It has confirmation number, it said 3/4 7:30pm. Something row b, seat 206, 207.

I think that they are going to see something. But I don;t know what it is. But I don't care anymore. I talk cousin.

Forget about what they are doing and take care of yourself and children.

I still might let OM know they are going out that night. Let him ask her where she is going at 7:30. I know he is in denial, but it would help to have him on board.

Yeh, I may.

I am having hard time to get the kids up now. That is why I feel so exshusted. You are right about getting my own needs meet. I will just lean on GOD. I will just hang in there.