Well I talked to my husband today and asked him to give me some time.<P>I said that I would file for legal seperation and that I would leave him alone and get my head together and then file for divorce and he said no.<P>He said that it would just make it worse to drag it out. i asked him why he wanted toe divorce and he said he didnt want to talk about it over the phone and that he would talk about it when he comes next week.<P>So I guess it is over. I dont want a divorce....this sucks....<P><BR>amanda<P>------------------<BR>I will love my husband "Always & Forever" <BR>thevancefamily@hotmail.com<P><BR>

Amanda,<P>Don't give up hope yet...<BR>My wife filed(kindof) in April... we are at least 2 months away from going in front of the judge... so I'm being patient!<P>Yes... you can drag it out awhile, during your <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A>!<P>Prayers... for patience... <P>Jim

Hi Amanda,<P>Hang in there. The rollercoaster ride is fraught with many, many loops and turns. And, you don't know what is around the next bend. Your H could change his mind five more times between now and next week. If you don't want a divorce, then tell him that. And, if he does, then he will have to file. Then, the ball is in his court. Meanwhile read up on Plan A, because sounds like that's where you're at right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

NSR:<BR>how am I supposed to plan A when he lives in another state and only comes about once a month to see our boys and when he does come he does not want to see me?<P>amanda<P>------------------<BR>I will love my husband "Always & Forever" <BR>thevancefamily@hotmail.com<P><BR>

Amanda,<BR> So sorry to hear things aren't going well. I do hope things turn around for you soon. It's so hard to watch the person you love just drift away from you. Try to be encouraged, its not over. You don't have to give up if you don't want to. But it just seemed as if the more I pleaded for our marriage, the further I pushed him away. Start to focus on you. Show him that you don't need him. Go out and get a job and get your own account. You need to do this for yourself and your kids. If you haven't finished college, see about taking some online courses. I know I'm about to go back to school. I know it'll be tough juggling school with my job and daughter, but look at the bigger picture. I'm not saying to hide your feelings, because I couldn't do that if I tried. But I think if you started to focus back on you, he would start to see what he'll be missing out on. Still try to deposit whatever emotional needs it is that your husband needs whenever possible. I know you don't see him much, but whenever you see him or talk to him try not to argue or question him. I think it makes them feel as if they're in the hot seat, so to speak. I don't know if I'm being much help, but I just want you to know that there is still hope for your marriage. I know its scary, because I'm scared too. My husband can file for divorce come April. I just pray for God's will to be done. And in the mean time, just wait on the Lord, because things will happen on His time, not ours. I pray that your marriage will be restored! <P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>

Amanda,<P>Your question..."how am I supposed to plan A when he lives in another state and only comes about once a month to see our boys and when he does come he does not want to see me?"<P>Is the exact question I asked of Steve Harley... (only difference is my W sees the kids 2 times a month!)<P>His answer...<BR>When your spouse comes over... absolutely no <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>! This is the most important thing.<P>Secondly... try to determine in your mind... what your H thinks are the most important of <B>his</B> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> and satisfy those you can...<P>I too get a very short amount of time with my W... about 10 minutes each pick-up/drop-off of my kids... and a once every-other-week phone call (about 5-10 minutes sometimes)... and that's all I have to show her the changes in me! Impossible you say... maybe... but Steve says she needs to see these changes in me, or else... if she doesn't and the OM leaves her... she still wll not come back to me!<P>What makes it somwhat more difficult is that my W is almost <B>always</B> angry with me... The children even see her mean spiritedness since is no covering it up from them anymore either!<P>Did you see my earlier post... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/011323.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101</A>?<P>Patience.... patience... patience... and maybe just a <B>lot</B> more patience!<P>Jim

avance-<P>I know how you feel. My H filed in Sept, and it was devastating.<P>It in NOT over, though. If you still have hope, hold on to it, as long as you can.<P>I know it sounds impossible right now, but do, WORK ON AMANDA!! It is the very best thing that anyone can do. <P>Plan A is very hard when you aren't able to live w/ your S. But, it is NOT impossible. Send him little notes. Do the small things. Call him up just to say Hi. If you feel it right, tell him you love him.<P>Make it comfortable, non-threatening. No LBing. Like Jim pointed out, one day of LB can erase months of Plan A. <P>Hang on. We are ALL here for you. Don't give up on what you want and what is right.<P>Sending prayers your way.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl

As someone whose divorce went thru on Dec 20th, I can sympathize. It is not over though. As someone told me, "it is just a piece of paper". That's true. I thought that my divorce would make me feel different, alone, etc, but it doesn't. I feel exactly the same as before.<P>I'm pulling for you.

thanks for all the support.....<P>I feel in my heart that I will always love him and want to be with him, I mean if this hasent stopped these feelings than maybe nothing will...<P>I really feel that there will be another time for us and that he will love me again.....<P>i just hope it is soon...<P>amanda<P>------------------<BR>I will love my husband "Always & Forever" <BR>thevancefamily@hotmail.com<P><BR>