Thanks Believer. I will think something else and decorate my house.

I just can't do this. My bad feeling is coming back. I flip through the book, and still don't know what to do with the house. GOD, please help me.

I am sick to my stomach. I am about to throw up. Yuk.

I don't see what I can do to my house. It is so neat. Believer, let me send some picture of my house to you and get your opinion.

Can you post it on the MB picture page? Maybe someone else will have an idea.

How to post on the MB picture page. Where is that page. I will do that tomorrow.

I just asked a student's mom to help me. I will tutor the son, and she will help me to decorate for the tutoring.

I bumped the marriagebuilders picture thread up to the top under the general questions forum.

Great news about decorating for tutoring. I am hopeless at decorating, but friends pitched in.

Believer, I didn't see your picture. I am sure you are a very nice person.

Just got a fax from the travle agent. Sis already booked the cruise. I am going 4/23. I am going to have fun and recharged. hope that time h is back.

I will post soon, I have to get digital camera.

Kids are fussy again. D wants a dog again and crying. S is not listening. I guess that is just part of life. Some notes in the music. If it is too quiet, life maybe no meaning.

Yes, that is how life is. Of course your kids know "something" is going on. That adds to their tension and stress. Keep flying by the instrument panel.

This afternoon, H called to tell me that he is coming home for dinner. I told him that I need him to watch the kid while I tutor. Now tutor is over, it is after 8pm. He is nowhere to be found again. He doesn't answer the cell phone either. This is getting too crazy. I am really really thinking Plan B. Kick him out of the house. This is not my H anymore.

LostNHurt, you asked about how to do Plan B. The most important thing is to get you and your husband living in separate places and to arrange for how the kids will spend time with both of you. Can you please post here with how you would want to do those two things?

You said you can afford to maintain the standard of living for your kids, and that's good. Your husband will also need to provide support if they're going to be with you and not with him.

And no, you don't need a lawyer yet. It would be good to know who you're going to call if you need one quickly, but there's no reason to meet with one right now.

Big LB tonight. H came home at about 9:30pm. I asked him where he went. He said work(I know that is not true). I said why didn't you call? He said he forgot.

D kept asking for a dog. I told her that I can afford to raise one because I am in tight budget now. Of course we have some money. But I have to save it for emergency. I told her that if daddy promise a dog, it will be paid by mom. He did not contribute last month. But in the past all our money were together. Then she told H everything. He was angry. He said he hate me to tell the kids about these. I said that I am not confident to what will happen. I can raise them, but I can't pay anything extra. I don't like a animal running in my house peeing and pooping.

He told D that he will find a place that can have pet, he will buy one. I guess we are both ready to seperate. I am angry too. But I didn't show it. I hate him.

I have no idea how to seperate. Every morning, i send D to school, H sent S to school, if he is not here, i would have to both. That is one inconvenience. Every M. W., I work late, he has to come home to take care of them. If he is not here, who will do it? How do we seperate the money? Stocks?

I really don't want to seperate. Do I have any other choice?

Yes, you do have choices. Stay in Plan A.

I really don't know. I feel that my heart was eaten bit by bit everyday. How long will this end?

I apologize to him this morning. he said what you've been doing only push me away. I am very troubled now and confused. I said that if you are confused, make your decision after you are not confused.

But my heart is just aching. This terrible feeling is destroying me. Life is too hard. Do I have enough faith?

I am hurting so bad. I am going to take a Xenax and sleep. I hope that I can sleep for a year and wake up to forget everything.

Lostnhurt -
Your WH is confused. He will be back. You are very new to this and of course it is painful. Please try to take care of you, and develop a life that is satisfying without him. That will help you hang on until he comes back to work on the marriage. Put him on the back burner, detach, detach, detach.

Everytime the pain comes, or you think of him, make your mind think of something else. You can train yourself not to think about him. It gets easier and easier.